068: Do I HAVE to pretend play with my child?

Pretty regularly I see posts in online parenting groups saying “My child loves to pretend, and they always want me to participate.  I dare not tell anyone else, but I CAN’T STAND PRETEND PLAY.  What should I do?”   In this final (unless something else catches my interest!) episode in our extended series on play, Dr. Ansley Gilpin of the University of Alabama helps us to do a deep dive into what children learn from pretend play, and specifically what they learn from fantasy play, which is pretend play regarding things that could not happen in real life (like making popcorn on Mars).   We’ll discuss the connection between fantasy play and children’s executive function, the problems with studying fantasy play, and the thing you’ve been waiting for: do you HAVE to do fantasy play with your child if you just can’t stand it (and what to do instead!)   If you missed other episodes in this series, you might want to check them out: we started out asking “what is the value of play?”, then we looked at the benefits of outdoor play and talked with Dr. Scott Sampson about his book How to Raise a Wild Child.  We wrapped up with outdoor play by trying to understand whether we should allow our children to take more risks.   Jump to highlights 01:24 Introduction to Dr. Ansley Gilpin, developmental psychologist researching executive function and imagination 02:06 Defining fantasy play as distinct from ordinary pretend play 08:17 A correlational study linking fantasy play to executive function skills 11:33 A five-week intervention study comparing fantasy play, reality-based play, and non-imaginative games 20:30 Choosing culturally appropriate play prompts, including a story about religious families and pretend play 25:19 Anthropological evidence: many cultures don't expect parents to engage in children's make-believe at all 27:06 Should parents feel obligated to join fantasy play, or is redirecting sometimes okay? 30:39 Imaginary friends: how common they are, and when (rarely) they're something to worry about 35:40 Using pretend play as a window into a child's real emotional distress, and how to tell the difference 39:52 Do elaborate costumes and props actually help imaginative play, or is a stick just as good? 40:52 A note on heavy TV viewing potentially crowding out children's own imaginative play 42:33 A study on kids' preferences: given the choice, most children prefer doing the real activity over pretending   References Bergen, D. 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