This is often the living daily episode of 1177. Do you really know what influences you by K-Flanders of K-Flanders.com? And I'm Justin Molly. Happy Saturday.
Welcome back. Welcome to the first time of your new year. This will recently read you every single day of the year and clean weekends and holidays from many different authors that have been fine and with their permission. For now, get to the post as we optimize your life.
Do you really know what influences you by K-Flanders of K-Flanders.com? Last week I returned home from a retreat in California, where I thought it was going to be a creativity workshop being taught by two of my favorite authors, and that being more like two days of therapy being provided by them. While I know that the work was important for many of the people in the audience, it was work I had already done for myself for the past couple of years. Like acknowledging and putting through my fears, yep, I'm basically always doing that.
Actively pursuing things I want and creating an engaged life is one of the right to list the ways I've done that recently. And trusting my clarity, I've been doing that too. And is what helped me quit all the projects I've been working on. As I wrote each of the prescribed letters to myself and then exchanged the words of strangers, I started to feel like I shouldn't be there.
I wasn't going to the deep dark places other people seemed to be venturing into. I wasn't crying or having any kind of motion reaction at all. I was just writing facts on paper. When others opened up and shared parts of themselves with me, I felt guilty for only giving them a few facts in return.
I also hated that the whole set reminded me of the documentary, I'm not a guru. It felt like I grossed away some money. So when I realized day two was going to be a repeat of a workshop I'd done in London, I decided to skip it, and say with these thoughts, looking back now I can see that it might have been the most important thing I did all weekend, taking a step back. It gave me time to think about why I'd signed up in the first place, as well as why I disappointed in what it had ended up being.
Singing along with my thoughts also prevented me from bringing other people down with me, because yes, I was disappointed. And I did feel like I wasted my money. I could have moned or complained. I also could have taken social media and told others how annoyed I was, or where we're yet using a fantastic, I actually tend to organize or convert my opinion too.
But I knew it wasn't meant to be shared. The reason I knew I should share this is because that was my experience, not theirs. And it didn't feel fair for me to all someone else's experience and attempt to match mine, especially when mine was negative. This has been perhaps one of the hardest things for me to learn in actually practice since embracing mindfulness, the art of not complaining.
And I won't pretend I'm good at it. Honestly, I think I'm just getting started. There are stats that say we tell anywhere from two to ten times as many people about a bad experience compared to a good experience. Why is that?
I don't know if it's actually I'm just starting to think about this. What I do know is that the art of constant complaining is the main reason I delete my Facebook profile and page and finally decide to walk away from Twitter. I need to do it too. So I was here to touch it from me, but I simply grew tired of being dragged down.
So instead of dragging anyone down to the workshop, I went for a hike and sat outside by one of the fire pits and rolling my journal. After listing all the things I was feeling about the experience, including frustration about the nonstop pictures of the video shop, which I did talk about on Instagram in a way that would hopefully open your eyes to how often it happens. I asked myself why I was there, why had I bought a ticket for this event? The answer meant a few layers of influence.
Number one, I saw one of the authors shared on Instagram. Number two, I felt like I wasn't like the opportunity. Number three, I didn't think there would be many tickets available. And before, I was in bad place and wanted something to look forward to.
Now, let's really break that down. Influence number one, my love of the authors work, which is why I follow her. Influence number two, a desire or dream. Influence number three, a scarcity mindset which is behind many impulse purchases.
And influence number four, my mental health. Notice that none of these things are anyone else's fault. They all had to do with me. I know what to blame for wasting money by myself.
I made the decision by the ticket. As for not enjoying the content of the workshops, I can take some of the blame for that too. And it's not all bad blame. To reason to enjoy the workshops was because it might didn't need them.
And reason I didn't need them was because I already done a lot of that work for myself. If hadn't gone, I might not have realized just how far I've come this year. So what would I complain about? Why is that anyone else's problem?
Why is there problem at all? When we talk about becoming mindful consumers, we're looking at how outside things and experiences affect us on the inside. What we eat affects how we feel. What we read or watch or listen to affects how we think.
What we consume affects what we create and so on. We can talk about how all of those things influence us. Two weeks ago, I did suggest you start keeping track of what you consume. But the mindful part means being conscious and aware of what's happening in the present moment.
And that includes recognizing your role and influencing each moment as well. We can't blame everything on everyone else. But we are today influences us as well. This is one of the reasons I won't leave negative book reviews.
There are lots of books I read and don't enjoy, but it's not the author's fault. It's my fault, I did enjoy it. Either I already knew the advice and what the workshop is actually a good thing. Or didn't agree with content or didn't relate to the writing style.
It's not the author's fault. They didn't write the perfect book for me. They don't know me. That's stupid good to me.
So I would have complained about it, especially in public forum, which could alter other people's thoughts and stops on the reading book that could really help them. Who am I to think I should have a control over that? My friend David came and wrapped it to .com once wrote that mindfulness is the opposite of an ediness and practicing it means observing something without trying to immediately change it. It's noticing and accepting.
And in the example of the workshop I attended, it was noticing that I was influencing my negative experience and accepting ownership of that rather than blaming anyone else. Sometimes it seems to be either to blame or to act like a victim of circumstance. In fact, it's a lot harder to recognize your role and take responsibility for it. But being able to see and accept that your part of the equation makes you a better communicator, problem solver, and member of all your communities.
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As usual, we're your optimal life. Always.