#119: You’re Not Responsible for Everyone’s Feelings

In this episode, Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera of Cornell University explore one of the most difficult systems thinking challenges in relationships: understanding responsibility for our emotions.They unpack the dynamic between action and reaction, why emotional regulation creates agency and empowerment, and how faulty mental models can lead people to either take responsibility for everyone else’s feelings—or none of their own. Through ideas like “buttons,” emotional wounds, constructive vs. destructive conflict, and the Love Reality Loop, they show how awareness, communication, and metacognition transform the way we navigate relationships.They also explore why feedback from reality matters more than protecting your ego, how hubris blocks growth, and why the healthiest relationships are built on constructive conflict, honesty, and openness to changing your mental models.If you’ve ever struggled with conflict, emotional triggers, or feeling misunderstood in relationships, this episode offers a systems-level framework for understanding yourself—and others—more clearly.