12 Steps Series: Step Twelve

In this episode, we cover Step Twelve of the Twelve Steps Codependents’ Guide To The Twelve Steps, Melody Beattie (CODA) STEP 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other codependents, and to practice these principals in all our affairs. Quote #1 - “Inviting someone to a meeting is a powerful way to help others. Going to our meetings and sharing how recovery works for us is another way to carry the message.” (p185 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie) Quote #2 - “Sometimes we share bits and pieces of our story; other times we tell more. By telling our story, we help others and ourselves. By listening to others talk, we become helped. Talking about ourselves, what we are learning, what we are facing, what we are overcoming, is a powerful way to carry the message.” (p185 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie) Quote #3 - “The most powerful form of helping others comes from helping ourselves. When we do our own work, feel our own feelings, change our own beliefs, and take care of ourselves, when we are honest and open about who we are and what we are working on, we affect others more than by our best-intentioned helping gestures. We cannot change others, but when we change ourselves, we may end up changing the world.” (p185 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie) Quote #4 - “Some of us want so badly to bring those we love with us on this journey. But we cannot. That decision is not our choice. The only person we can take on this journey for certain is ourselves.”(p186 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie) Quote #5 - “Understand this, my friend: We do not ever help anyone or have one iota of positive influence on them by standing or staying in the darkness with them. Ignoring ourselves does not benefit us, and it does not help others.” (p186 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie) Quote #6 - “The most powerful and positive impact we can have on our family is to lead a healthy, happy life.” (p187 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie) Quote #7 - “All people are always changing. If I try to judge them, I do so only on what I think I know of them, failing to recognize there is much I do not know.” (p188 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie) Quote #8 - “It can also be terminal. We may develop stress-related illnesses that can kill us. Or we may spend our lives walking around wishing we were dead.” (p193 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie) Quote #9 - “What is clear from talking to people and listening to their stories of recovery is that those who are making the most progress and finding the most freedom from their codependency are those who work the Steps and allow the Steps to work in their lives.” (p195 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie) Quote #10 - “I am not separate from God. I am not an outsider knocking on the door, cringing in fear, waiting to be let in. I can take God's hand, and be cocreator, allowing God to take the lead. I am not helpless. I have choices. We have choices. One choice we have is not to be victims anymore. This is a lesson I find myself facing again and again. Always, I must learn it before I can move forward. I must transmute my present circumstances and allow myself to be transformed by them. I cannot do this when I am a victim. I am not outside of the Creator. I am a creation. Now, finally, I am connected to myself. I awakened to God, and I awakened to myself. And I am learning how to be connected to others. I can look to them to love and comfort me, but I am learning that nurturing the frightened child within is my job, and I will be in trouble when I run around the world expecting someone else to do that job for me.” (p197 Codependents’ Guide, M. Beattie)