#13. Mistake or Toxic Pattern? When Understanding Them Stops Helping You

We often get stuck trying to understand people who hurt us — their trauma, their intentions, their patterns — believing that if we just appreciate enough, things will finally make sense or change.In this episode, I explore the distinction between a good person who makes a mistake and a toxic pattern that persists, and why this distinction matters so much for your healing.We talk about why looping happens, how gaslighting and denial keep us stuck, and the overlooked truth that while you’re trying to understand them, they are often not trying to understand you at all, and may even be escalating harm or changing tactics.Most importantly, we focus on what comes next: how to recognize when understanding has done its job, how to stop over-explaining yourself, and how to move forward without needing clarity or closure from the person who caused the harm.Evie 🌸⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok