This is Optimal Living Daily, episode 1303, an adaptation from the book Chasing Cupcakes by Elizabeth Benton, and I'm Justin Mollick, your personal narrator, the guy that reads to you every single day of the year from some of the best blogs in the world, all for free, and with permission from the authors. I have a book excerpt for you today. It's actually a book adaptation, to be technically correct, an article adapted from the book. Anyway, Elizabeth Benton is the host of the Primal Potential podcast, and her book Chasing Cupcakes is about personal transformation.
She's a nutrition expert and educator, but was depressed, deeply in debt, and obese, so she felt like a fraud and a failure. She turned it all around. It's a great story, and excited to have her as a guest here. So with that, let's get right to it, as we optimize your life.
An adaptation from the book Chasing Cupcakes by Elizabeth Benton. Four steps to improve your self-esteem. One of the biggest barriers to change is how we perceive ourselves. If our self-esteem is low, we may not see ourselves as worthy of the change we seek and the benefits we will reap.
As a result, we may sabotage our own efforts, sliding back into our old behaviors and staying there until we get motivated to try again. I recently discovered a different way to look at self-esteem, one that I believe makes it easier to change how you see yourself and stop the self-sabotage. Here's the new definition, courtesy of Naval Ravikant, founder and CEO of AngelList. Quote, self-esteem is just the reputation that you have with yourself.
End quote. While we have some control over our reputation with others, the reputation we have with ourselves, our self-esteem, is entirely within our control. That's both empowering news and also a potential challenge, depending on how we see ourselves. I see this with my coaching clients who describe themselves as all-or-nothing thinkers, inconsistent action takers, or emotional eaters.
Whatever terms they use, it's obvious the reputation they have with themselves needs to be improved. If you don't like the things you believe about yourself, the good news is that who you think you are is not a fixed position. You can change the reputation you have with yourself. And in this article, we'll look at three steps to practice doing just that.
Step number one, realize the potential in every moment. Think about someone you know who has a bad reputation. How did they get that reputation? Their choices, right?
Reputation stems from our repeated actions. The question is, can that person change their reputation by changing their actions? Yes, they absolutely can. It might take a lot of work, but change is possible for them.
The same is true of the reputation we have with ourselves. How we see ourselves is based on what we believe is true about ourselves, and those beliefs stem largely from the actions we take. What this means is that in every moment, including right now, you can change that reputation. If this feels overwhelming, remember this fact.
You are only one choice away from establishing a new reputation. Overcoming the belief that you're an emotional eater starts with one good choice to not indulge in food when you normally would. If you see yourself as a workaholic, you can begin to shift that perception by choosing to log out instead of staying late. You don't have to scale the mountain all in one day.
Little wins add up. Step number two, choose to be consistent. Think back to the person you know with the lousy reputation. For them to change how people perceive them, they would have to consistently choose improved behaviors and also avoid the negative behaviors that led to the poor reputation in the first place.
They'd have to show initiative. Once or twice wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't be sufficient for them to act differently only when they feel like it. In other words, walking the path to change would require consistency.
How would you feel if someone close to you pledged to clean up their life by changing their behavior but kept putting it off? They'd lose your trust, wouldn't they? If it's not acceptable for them, why would you accept it from yourself? Yes, little wins add up, but only if those little wins keep coming.
That's why I suggest starting with one step that you can easily achieve. Getting a win under your belt feels good, builds your confidence, and inspires you to get a second win very soon. Consistency isn't some superpower you tap into when you're trying to change. It's the accumulation of a concerted effort made repeatedly.
You choose to be consistent. Step number three, envision the person you want to be. Anytime you're frustrated with yourself or feel tempted to submit to habits you're trying to break, I want you to pause for a moment and ask yourself this question. What is the behavior I wish I would effortlessly demonstrate in this situation?
I use this question to break the past patterns that gave me an awful reputation with myself around food. I'd intended to eat so healthy, but after eating a donut at work, I'd say, screw it, I blew it. And end the day indulging in candy, takeout, and ice cream. I didn't want to go down that slippery slope, but it was such a well-worn path, I didn't know how to stop myself either.
Equipped with a deep breath and a blank piece of paper, I'd ask myself that single question. Here's how I answered it. I want to be the kind of person who can have a donut in the middle of the day and then go about eating well, and no drama, no reason to justify overeating later, no guilt. Just a donut followed by a day of great choices.
Boom, there it is. With that question, I'm never stuck. I can never say that I don't know where to start or how to change. The answer to that question is my compass.
It gives me my solution. It lights the path to my new reputation and better self-esteem. I want to be someone who doesn't choose to derail after enjoying a treat. Step number four, even when it's tough, keep practicing.
To change the beliefs that inform the reputation we have with ourselves, we have to change our actions. It's a simple formula that often gets clouded by our emotions. When I would overindulge with food, the shame I felt afterwards would knock my self-esteem back to zero. I didn't feel worthy to make good eating choices.
That's not to mention the emotions preceding my decision that convinced me I needed to indulge. If you make a mistake, forgive yourself. That's why, in the introduction, I said these three steps help you practice changing a reputation. When you start practicing something for the first time, you are going to make mistakes.
That's what practice is for. Don't make the choice to quit practicing because of one slip-up. On the flip side, if you feel yourself falling back into patterns of behavior you want to avoid, take time to pause and walk through these three steps. Recognize the moment as a chance to change, choose to remain consistent, and then act like the person you want to be.
The more you practice, the more these three steps will feel like second nature. You'll do them without thinking, and before long, your choices and self-esteem will improve. You just listened to an adaptation from the book Chasing Cupcakes by Elizabeth Benton. Great news!
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