138 | A Journey of Unwavering Submission - Ashley & Adrian Cleckley

During a global pandemic, Ashley and Adrian would welcome their first child while living in the United Arab Emirates (UAE). The safety and travel restrictions limited their access to their family, causing Ashley to feel immediately dependent on her doctor. Despite being inclined to more natural resources for medical support, she felt that pregnancy made her want to stick to what the doctor said they needed. Ashley started to shift back to her first thoughts about her health, rooted in natural medicine. An unmedicated birth would be explored to match their personal preferences. She and Adrian weren't sure if a natural birth could be possible, as they didn't know if they could or if Ashley could endure it. After careful consideration, they hired a doula hoping to have support with their birth plan. Cesarean birth, epidurals, and a fear of dying in childbirth were the only knowledge Ashley started with as she and her husband started their first pregnancy. Their doula educated them about pregnancy and childbirth, which helped dismantle her fears and feel more empowered. The quest for knowledge began, and when Ashley shared mind shifts with her doctor, there was also a shift in the doctor's countenance toward's their birth plan. The doctor was dismissive and resistant to her preferences and started fear-mongering tactics to alter their plans. Adrian shared that he felt angry during the doctor's appointment because they had intentionally researched and devised their birth plan. He settled himself, and he felt his family was losing control of the situation. The birth team had to change, and it did change; they found a new doctor and hospital that could meet their needs.  Pregnancy became more challenging as their household tested positive for Covid-19 at 37 weeks gestation. A new fear presented itself, as she prayed the baby would not come while she was feeling sick and too tired to care for a newborn. Thankfully Adrian was asymptomatic and could complete the baby preparation tasks, and Ashley would feel better when she went into labor. Another issue did arise as her doctor attended to a family emergency, and they didn't know if she would make it back for the delivery.When labor day arrived, Ashley tuned in with herself and listened to her body as they managed the day. Nesting set in, and Ashley emailed her birth plan to the hospital as early labor began. She prepared her hair for delivery, as Black women do in preparation for a new baby. She labored at home with the support of Adrian and her doula throughout the next 23 hours. They decided to check in at the hospital and soon discovered that everyone on her service had a copy of her birth plan. Ashley would explore her options for comfort measurements with her supportive birth team. The labor had drawn out so long that exhaustion shifted her mindset, and Adrian hit his daddy doula stride to help her overcome. He stepped out in the hallway to talk to the nurse to support the plan. Ashley found herself in a meditative state as she wrestled with the tiredness of her body and the intensity of labor. She would grapple with decisions that were altering her birth experience that didn't reflect her true wishes. Calmness came from sinking within and tapping into God as a source that allowed her to go through it. She began pushing without prompting or permission. Ashley allowed her body to lead and deliver her son into the world after 32 hours of labor. She was amazed by her strength and the process of childbirth.The ride home from the hospital made space for anxiety to surface in Ashley, and the tears began to fall. She centered herself with a talk with her mother and shared her feelings with Adrian. She gave a name to her experience after her body experienced trauma. They would manage postpartum as a team, both basking in the wonderment of Ashley's strength and courage and their commitment to their growing family.