16: Real Life Love and Sex in a Long Term Relationship

Summary:Sometimes, the once vibrant and exciting connection in a long-term relationship fades or dwindles due to a multitude of reasons. Couples find themselves confined to the boundaries of routine and predictability as they deal with the challenge of maintaining love and a healthy sex life in a long-term relationship.In today's episode, I delve into a topic that intrigues many of my clients – the secrets to maintaining love in a long-term relationship. To shed light on this, I have a special guest, my neighbor Linda, who candidly shares insights into her own relationship journey and sexuality.Connect with Dr. Heather England:WebsiteLinkedInSubstack (A Midlife Reckoning)WorkshopsReady to spice up your sex life? Get my guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life”Show Content:Marriage, goals, and preparation for the future.Linda is in her second marriage of 26 years with her husband Dennis which is why I consider her as a valuable guest for this episode. The couple exemplifies living life to the fullest, not only in adhering to family values but also in their evident love during vacations and daily interactions as they navigate a blended family.They decided to get married four months after they met. Linda recalls their early journey as a fun pursuit as they discussed their dreams, goals and even marriage with no option for divorce. She said that although her husband is not perfect, he definitely comes close, as he always strives to make her happy and make her feel loved. And despite occasional fights, they are determined to continue having a happy marriage which is why they always make up and start fresh with a new sense of determination every time. After all, life has its ups and downs.Setting goals in relationships is crucial. For Linda and her husband, they meticulously plan their financial contributions, such as but not limited to donations and gifts for their special needs son. Equally important is that they establish relationship goals that involve preparing for the future. This deliberate and thoughtful approach to setting goals not only enhances the quality of our relationship but also provides a roadmap for shared aspirations and individual growth.Building a strong and healthy relationship through communication and mutual respect.Linda and Dennis have intentionally cultivated a strong and enduring love through several key practices. They prioritize playfulness and silliness in their relationship, going out of their way to make each other feel important every day. Their expressions of love extend beyond mere practicalities and encompass appreciation for each other's presence and special efforts.Gratitude plays a significant role in their relationship, with the couple expressing thanks for even the smallest gestures, fostering an environment where annoyance finds little room to thrive. Little things greatly matter. Although they seem to be minor acts of love, they accumulate to create a meaningful and fulfilling life.Linda also emphasizes the importance of playfulness in maintaining a healthy sexual connection. Their approach to sex involves spontaneity, playful discussions, and an overall lighthearted attitude because for them, a healthy sexual relationship should incorporate elements of fun and enjoyment.Sexual desire and intimacy in older age and maintaining love and a healthy sex life in a long-term relationship.The sad truth is that there are still assumptions that society makes about sexual activity in older couples. There is also an unfortunate stigma surrounding women’s sexual desires brought about by various historical and cultural factors. At present, many women are still ashamed to talk about sex. That is why it is important that we encourage open communication to help others understand and express their desires better.Many partners in relationships often lack the necessary knowledge and education about each other’s bodies. This knowledge gap can lead to unsatisfying sexual experiences and issues within the relationship. Linda shares her insights from personal experiences with her husband, highlighting the importance of mutual participation and how it creates a fulfilling and satisfying sexual connection in a relationship. We must challenge the stereotype of men rushing into sex, missing out on the subtleties that make sex enjoyable for both partners.It is also important to find the right time for connection, intimacy and sex, especially as life gets busier. Always remember the significance of spending quality time together beyond mere routines. Be sensitive to each other’s needs and make sure to find creative ways to continue igniting the fire in your relationship. You may incorporate elements of playfulness, role-playing, and even use sex toys.Linda encourages couples to communicate openly, express the importance of their connection, and actively work towards maintaining a strong foundation of love. This foundation, according to her, is essential for a fulfilling sexual relationship and serves as a guide in understanding the dynamics of love and connection.