163 | Strength in Vulnerability - Shay Australia

Black & Queer Mama, Shay Australia and her Filipino partner, Paul, took a deep dive into preconception into what pregnancy would look like for him and her clear expectations of his engagement. He was locked in and in agreement with how he wanted to show up. They both made changes during the pregnancy to improve their health, which included smoking cessation and abstaining from alcohol. They made a commitment to be involved with doula and midwifery care. After trying to conceive for a few months without success, they took a break from trying and they found out they were expecting soon after. During their break, Shay attended a doula training and gained a wealth of knowledge that she immediately found helpful.Shay was unsure of how they would manage the costs of their birth plan desires. She applied for Medi-Cal and unleashed a barrage of resources that helped them access the support they wanted. They would plan to deliver at a birthing center with a midwife. She took advantage of prenatal yoga, walking groups, and other classes that would support their journey. Paul leaned into his role and prepared for the birth side by side with Shay.Deep-growing fears about bringing their baby earthside started to cause anxiety for her. Knowing her baby was safe within her body was assuring. However, the time would come when she would have to manage parenthood in the outside world. They started to develop a birth plan and decide who to invite to their sacred space. Her midwife helped her set the tone and environment that would welcome their child. They started curating a list of people that best fit the space they wanted to create. This exercise made way for uncomfortable conversations with people they loved. Managing conversations about gender identity was critical in creating the family dynamics and open communication they desired. These conversations and challenges with relationships through the pregnancy drastically changed her initial ideas about birth presence. Isolation set in, causing emotional stress but allowed her to center herself and Paul as they stepped into this new chapter together.Paul and Shay’s labor and delivery experience started after a week of prodromal labor. They were deep in labor land at home until they decided when they could go to the birthing center. The midwife met them at their home to support and monitor her progress. Shortly after their time together, they were ready to transition to the birthing space. Contractions were building as the intensity grew. Shay felt fully supported to trust her body and baby to birth. She reached the point of no return as the baby slipped out quickly. They bonded immediately as their lactation journey began with the newborn crawl.Arriving home about three hours after the delivery was jarring as they felt unprepared to be left alone with a new human. Paul felt safe with Shay’s wealth of knowledge, while she was not as confident as he believed she was. They watched their baby be content to sleep for hours and listened for breathing. After a couple of weeks of confinement, Shay welcomed guests to drop off food and brief check-ins. Shay’s physical recovery was going well until she had a spell of blurred vision, a headache, and faintness came upon her. Having spent much of her life experiencing these symptoms as a form of migraines set in. She called Paul for support and reported to the hospital. The doctors performed tests and procedures to determine a diagnosis. However, they did not have a physical health diagnosis and recommended a mental health evaluation. The mental health professionals determined Shay’s physical manifestations were anxiety, which gave her an understanding that she had been experiencing anxiety her whole life. She was grateful to have a diagnosis that has led to a healthier mental health outlook. Shay stands by setting boundaries in life, especially during pregnancy for expectant families. She has created a series of books about motherhood and a birth story journal that helps birthing people process their pregnancy and labor in real-time and as postpartum support.Resources:Roots of Labor Birth Collective | doula support serving families in the Bay areaBirthing Justice | black women, pregnancy & childbirthJulia Chinyere Oparah | Birthing Justice co-editor, professor, and chair of Ethnic Studies at Mills College and a founding member of Black Women Birthing JusticeSumi’s Touch | full spectrum pregnancy, birth, and postpartum support and doula trainingBirthland | Oakland based, women of color owned midwifery practiceMarin Family Birth Center | provides innovative health and wellness services to all, with the goal of African American health equityKindred Soul | offers families support before, during and after birth through Doula Services, Midwifery Care, herbal products and more