#20 - Intentionality, Part 5: It’s Useful to View the Past in a Friendly Way

In this episode of Being Different Together, Kelly and Nyssa continue their intentionality mini-series by unpacking another Murray Landsman saying: “It is useful to view the past in a friendly way.”They explore what it really means to make peace with your past, including how to work with regret, grief, and painful memories without spiritually bypassing or pretending everything was “meant to be.” Through stories of a woman dancing on the beach to honor friends who died, family history at Cocoa Beach, and a powerful dream about everything in life being a gift wrapped in challenges, they show how intentionality and self-awareness can shift how you relate to what’s already happened.They also touch on the unconscious mind, Zen teachings on regret, and our cultural obsession with self‑improvement—why it’s so tempting to replay the past, and how to learn from your history without living in the rearview mirror. If you’ve ever wondered how to let go of regret, be kinder to your past self, or hold grief and loss without getting stuck there, this conversation is for you.Main Topics Covered:How the simple phrase “It is useful to view the past in a friendly way” can completely change your relationship with regret and memoryThe story of a woman dancing at sunrise on the beach to honor friends who died—and what it teaches about griefWhy humans are 95–99% unconscious (according to some neuropsychologists) and what that means for how we judge ourselves and othersThe difference between being actually cruel and just being unconscious and automatic in our behaviorHow to tell the difference between genuinely learning from the past and just replaying it in your mental rearview mirrorWhy trying to be “less human” (through self‑improvement, perfectionism, or avoiding aging and death) actually increases sufferingWhat Zen teachings suggest about regret, karma, and the idea that things couldn’t have happened any other wayA powerful dream message that “everything in life is a gift—and the really good gifts come wrapped in challenges”Practical ways to be friendlier to your past self without bypassing pain or pretending everything is “for the best”How seeing your past more kindly can open up more compassion, freedom, and joy in the presentLinks:Episode #16 - Intentionality, Part 1: Everything You’ve Done Prepared You For This MomentEpisode #17 - Intentionality, Part 2: Feeling Good Needs No ExcuseEpisode #18 - Intentionality, Part 3: If You Think You Can Change the World, You Have a Better ChanceEpisode #19 - Intentionality, Part 4: Your Reality is as Good as Anyone Else’sBooks:The Four Tendencies by Gretchen RubinStay in Touch:Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com | IG: @nyssahangerKelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me | IG: @drkellybrady