21 | The Quiet Grief of "Wasted Years"

In this episode, I’m talking about something that almost every woman I’ve ever worked with eventually hits: the quiet grief of “wasted years.”It’s that heavy moment of looking back at a relationship and thinking, I lost myself in that. Sometimes it’s years, sometimes decades. And it often comes with shame, confusion, and a harsh inner narrative that says you should have known better.But what if that whole story is built on hindsight that your past self simply didn’t have access to yet?Let’s get into it.In this episode, I cover: The quiet, often unspoken grief that shows up after narcissistic abuse and emotional control Why “I should have left sooner” is usually hindsight talking, not truth  How abuse dynamics, coercive control, and gaslighting distort your perception while you’re inside them Why your brain rewrites the past once you finally learn the language for what happened How survival, timing, and nervous system capacity all shape when you were able to see and act  Why those “wasted years” are often years of adaptation, not failure The shift that happens when grief turns into clarity, discernment, and self-trust  How survivors often emerge from this stage with a strong refusal to lose themselves again This episode is not about reframing pain into positivity or skipping over grief. It’s about giving it space, naming it properly, and removing the self-blame that so often gets attached to it.Because once you understand what you were actually navigating, the question stops being “Why did I stay?” and starts becoming “How did I survive that?”And that shift changes everything about how you move forward.📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast!📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper.🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.