2793: [Part 2] Self-Acceptance vs. Personal Growth by Steve Pavlina on Self Improvement

This is optimal living daily episode 2793 self acceptance versus personal growth part two by Steve Pavlina of Steve Pavlina calm And I'm Justin Malik the guy that reads to you every single day of the year Now today's episode is part two of a longer post if you didn't catch part one yesterday I'd recommend listening to that first if you're all caught up and let's get right to part two and continue optimizing your life Self acceptance versus personal growth part two by Steve Pavlina of Steve Pavlina calm Beyond the linear mindset. This whole situation is basically win-lose, isn't it? You have to compromise somewhere We can't play the positional growth game full-out and still accept and enjoy every moment along the way, right or can you? Let me suggest an alternative paradigm instead of rooting your sense of self in your position Which is changeable what would happen if you rooted your sense of self in something permanent and unchangeable stop identifying yourself with any form of positional status And pick something invulnerable instead like a pure concept that nothing in this world can touch examples include unconditional love Service to humanity faith and higher power compassion non-violence and so on I'm certainly not the first person to suggest something like this Stephen Covey wrote about this in the seven habits of highly affected people he refers to it as true north when you root yourself in Unchangeable true north principles you may still measure the various metrics of your life and notice how they change over time But you won't make them part of your identity hence you keep yourself a steam separate from your particular circumstances This isn't easy to do Covey himself is admitted how difficult it is for him personally But you don't have to be perfect to get results from this paradigm even a small move in this direction will reduce the conflict between self Acceptance and growth essentially you'll gain the best of both worlds Separating position from identity by rooting yourself in the permanent your position detaches from your identity This makes it possible to unconditionally accept yourself as you are while still courageously playing the positional growth game regardless of the outcome Self-acceptance and growth are no longer in conflict because now they don't apply to the same thing You've separated your identity self-acceptance from your position growth Covey's true north principles are based on effectiveness Mine are based on fulfillment so they're slightly different, but there's certainly a lot of overlap between them For example, one of my principles is service to the highest good of all This is close to Covey's principle of thinking win-win either version of this principle is independent of position You can be homeless and forgotten or you can be rich and famous And you can still do your best to serve the highest good of all and to think win-win these principles do not depend on circumstances Circumstances only affect the manner in which you'd apply them Detaching ego from outcomes if I were to look at a snapshot of my life right now I'd rate it as excellent in terms of its positional i.e.

growth related aspects I received 320,000 visitors and 664,000 page views last week and I talked to my one-day AdSense record too $330.69 on April 12th on Thursday I did a magazine interview on Friday I did a nationally syndicated radio interview and on Saturday I joined the Las Vegas National Speakers Association and went to my first meeting later today My family and I will enjoy Easter picnic in the park with some friends and I'll spend the rest of the day having fun and relaxing Positionally everything is wonderful lots of higher highs But if I let myself esteem and identity get too wrapped up in these external outcomes I'll be setting myself up for ultimate failure when the pendulum swings the other way and of course it eventually will I'll get frustrated with my Lesson stellar performance and from there it's a slippery slope into the realm of ego-driven attachment to outcomes What will happen when my traffic or income takes a nosedive at some point? I'll either resist accepting my present situation or I'll withdraw into a shell and settle for mediocrity for a while Or I'll put on a fake front and pull an Enron None of these are good solutions The solution is upstream to keep identity and position as separate as possible I find that a couple practices help a lot with this Journaling and meditation I've been doing both for many years and these practices helped me keep my internal compass online with true North principles that aren't going to change within my lifetime I keep my sense of self-rooted and permanent concepts like service, awareness and peace Those concepts don't change so my deepest sense of self remains fairly fixed That makes it easier to fully accept who I am in every moment But on the positional side I'm still able to enjoy the pursuit of positional growth and play full-out without settling for underachievement If I straight from these practices for too long more than a few weeks I gradually fall out of alignment with true North I eventually get sucked back into the prevailing social climate that loves to identify people with their positions For example, while I was doing my Polyphase sleep experiment Some people started identifying me with Polyphase sleep And that's okay until they start becoming too attached to that person position pairing Positions are always temporary so it's best not to become overly attached to them Whether in yourself or others It would have been problematic if I fell into the trap of letting my ego become overly attached to my position As a Polyphasic sleeper The ego resists positional changes it perceives as negative It doesn't like to be wrong So I might have clung to Polyphasic sleep even when it didn't serve me as well as monophasic sleep Have you fallen into any person position pairing in your own life? Do you derive your sense of self from things that are changeable and vulnerable Such as your income, your job title, your relationships or any other form of status? How much energy are you investing in defending those positions out of fear?

When you loosen your attachment to positions, you don't have to defend them I dislike when people start giving me labels like The internet king of Polyphasic sleep, not my words Because if you're a king, then you've got a kingdom to defend People like to attack kings simply because of their position as kings I'd rather not be perceived as a king of anything positional Since I don't want to spend my time defending temporary positions that are eventually going to crumble away Trying to defend your position as if it were the real you is a losing battle None of the positional aspects of your life are going to endure So it's best not to become too attached to them Enjoy them while they last, but don't seek yourself in them When you root yourself in something permanent Then your sense of self is effectively untouchable Your position can be attacked and you can still defend it if you like But you won't feel irrationally compelled to defend it out of fear You won't feel you're being personally attacked when your position becomes vulnerable Enjoying inner peace What I'm really getting at here is inner peace When you keep your sense of self away from third-dimensional positions Your position can rollercoaster all over the place And you can still be at peace on the inside no matter what happens You don't have to witch raw and be totally passive You can enjoy being ambitious overachiever And set and achieve goals like a maniac And have a great time doing it But meanwhile, you don't seek your identity in those fluctuating outcomes If you find yourself succumbing to the ego position trap Add some practices to your life like meditation Journaling, time with kids, time in nature, and so on This will help you reconnect with what's most sacred to you Your own version of true north principles And keep your identity separate from your position Then you can experience drive without attachment Ambition without ego And peace without passivity You just listened to part two of the post titled Self Acceptance vs Personal Growth by Steve Pavlina of Steve Pavlina.com I'm constantly thinking about how to optimize my health What supplements to take hours of sleep What my diet should focus on Superpower finally takes the guessing out of it One simple lab test covers over 100 biomarkers And their app gives you a complete picture of your heart Liver, hormones, metabolism, even environmental toxins Plus it used to cost $499 Right now, it's just $199 And head to superpower.com and use code old at checkout For an additional $20 off, your membership Thank you again to Steve In yesterday's episode, I asked what other way we could think about this And Steve had a good idea Instead of rooting our sense of self in a specific position at a certain time Maybe we can think about something a bit more permanent Maybe even positive Like compassion and non-violence It's an interesting idea, but like he said, not necessarily easy to implement And you recommended two of the things I recommend most when it comes to mental practice Journaling and meditation Pretty sure both have been proven to be helpful in some capacity But you might prefer one over the other Maybe even something else entirely In either case, they can unlock something within us And help us rid ourselves of unnecessary suffering Either because of repeating negative thought patterns Issues with self acceptance or identity All sorts of things So it's worth trying out If you didn't have a takeaway for the episode, I'd suggest one of those journaling or meditation And with that, have a great rest of your day But do stick around because I have our weekly bonus episode coming up for you in just a moment So stay tuned for that Wear your optimal life Awaits