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And we get right to our next post as we optimize your life. Psychological Honesty, The Road to Self-Actualization by Margot Aron of That Seems Important.com But what do you want to write about by asking him again? He couldn't answer. He said he wanted to write a book, but he was lying.
Every answer was a well thought out formula, an idea that could be a template, an approach. He was a strong writer, in that he was great with words, he knew how to weave them together to convey an idea, to show you multiple ways to look at the same thing, to appropriately use humor, not as a deflection, but as a relief from the heaviness of the topic. But when pressed, he had no answer to the question, why do you want to write? Finally, we got close to the truth.
Ego. He knew his talent was better than most. That was true. He had helped others less talented than him succeed.
He wanted the glory for himself. And while that was an honest answer, it wasn't the true one. I pressed harder. But why?
My question did not compute, so I tried a different way. Writing is about having something inside of you that needs to come out. It's not about words, it's about the message. You need clarity of thought and a burning desire to share that thought, idea, story, world, or message with people.
So I asked him the real question, what do you have to say? He answered directly, nothing really, I just want to be famous. I suggested he go another route. My friend will likely be famous, if he can get his act together enough to really finish his book.
And that is troubling. To be clear, a desire to be famous is not a problem. A desire for recognition and attention is also not a problem. But to write or create art or business without art or intent, that is a problem.
A problem that puts the onus on us as readers and buyers to know the difference, which is tough, because heartless people exist everywhere in masqueraded people who care. But if you listen closely, really closely, you can feel when someone is empty. When there's no bigger meaning or picture or message inside, or we're motivated only by external recognition, you might get a fun spectacle or a good story, but you'll lose a part that matters, meaning, fulfillment, purpose. I'll start after speaking with my friend.
It has happened before where people I care about and very much like are lost to their own egos, blind to what they've lost because what they've lost is themselves. I don't buy that people are self-involved, egoic, and fame obsessed from a positive, honest place. Those things come from the trauma of not being seen, of feeling ignored, bullied, and unimportant. No one is naturally hungry for power.
They develop that as a compensation tool, or reaction to these circumstances in their lives. We all require more than that. Power, fame, and status cannot fill you. It's like claiming someone doesn't get hungry.
You're human. You get hungry. Period. You're human.
You desire meaning. Period. You're human. You desire connection.
Period. You're human. You desire purpose. Period.
You're human. You require internal worth. Period. These are not things you can opt out of.
And when we deny or pretend like these things don't matter, we turn to stone, cement, solidify. Some of us can save ourselves, but others are gone forever, unable to move. The antidote to this fate is self-expression, to express the self that's locked away inside, to hear what has to say and honor it by listening, because the truth is no one is really empty. It's not possible.
What they are is repressed, hidden, locked away somewhere deep inside. What they feel is judged, scared, or unable to be who they really are. Who you really are may not look all that different from your life now. It's often not a huge life overhaul that infuses you with meaning and purpose.
It's simply being psychologically honest with ourselves about who we are and what we believe. It's telling the truth, listening to that little voice inside that says no, or yes. No, I don't value a big fancy house. Yes, I'm angry.
No, I'm not a writer. Yes, I'm a poet. No, I don't want kids. Yes, I want pizza for dinner.
No, I will not tolerate being spoken to like that. Yes, I think you're disrespectful. No, I'm not going to Thanksgiving this year. Yes, I'm still sad about how my mother treated me.
No, I do not want another slice of cake. Yes, I want recognition. Yes, I want approval. No, not from a healthy place.
Yes, from trying to fill the void left inside by something else. The psychological truth is the way out. Telling the truth about who you are, what you want, what you value, what happened to you, what you need, and what you believe to express that is how you prevent yourself from the fate of my friend. Who will write a decent, well-written book, a book that when it comes out will fall flat and he will blame us, the readers who blame the world.
You'll find a million culprits to prevent himself from seeing the real reason his book will never be the great American novel. It lacks heart, intellect, rationality, objectivity, pragmatism, talent. These things matter a lot, but without heart, without truth, without psychological honesty, the courage to look inside and ask yourself what you're really doing here, you'll never feel like it's enough. You'll feel forever empty, not because you are empty, but because you're being dishonest with yourself, about who you are and what you desire.
If we continue on this path of self-deception, self-abandonment, and self-denial, we will self-destruct and hurt many others along the way. The antidote is psychological honesty. Tell the truth. Who are you?
What do you want? And why do you think you don't know? You just listened to the post titled Psychological Honesty the Road to Self-Actualization by Margot Aaron of That Seems Important.com. I'm constantly thinking about how to optimize my health, what supplements to take, hours of sleep, what my diet should focus on.
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And head to superpower.com and use code old at checkout for an additional $20 off your membership. They get a Margot. A part of this post reminded me of a Steve Pevlin article I narrated a very long time ago, one of the first episodes I ever narrated, actually. He was talking about getting to your purpose by asking yourself why.
I think this is what Margot was doing with her friend, asking why he wanted to write the book, besides being famous, of course. In the Steve Pevlin article, basically gives us a 20 minute assignment. You take out a sheet of paper or just open a document on your computer right at the top. What is my true purpose in life?
Then write any answer that pops into your head. But then keep writing more answers to that question until you find the one that makes you cry. That's your true purpose. It's pretty deep, but I think it makes sense.
For the case of Margot's friend, his first one would be to be famous. But that's just the first one that comes to mind for him. If you came up with a bunch more over the course of 15 to 20 minutes, I think it might eventually become clear even if it takes 500 answers. That exercise stuck with me after all these years, maybe it's worth trying for you.
But I'll leave it there for today. Thank you for being here. Have a great rest of your day and I'll be back tomorrow, where you're optimal life. Oh, wait.