3. What if you're the problem?

⚡️ In some situations, it IS you. Sometimes you're the "problem" in your marriage dynamics. The online world is full of opinions about what others are doing wrong in the relationship. Sometimes we lack the takes that tell us in which way we are contributing to the dysfunction. 📌 Sometimes a partner will bring up a concern and things he's not happy with, but you'll get defensive about it and get into the energy of "I'm the one who has done the inner work, so I don't think I am in the wrong". Your defensiveness might also come from a place of "if they're unhappy, that means I still have more work to do, and I don't want that". 📌 And then there are times when your understanding of the bigger picture and how he is contributing to his challenges will come out as dismissive to the way he is feeling, because you know it is not your responsibility to fix it. 🔻 You wash your hands of having to be the emotional support for your partner because you see it from a more healed perspective. ‼️ Yes, we are responsible for our emotions and our own healing. And no, it is not your responsibility to be a substitute therapist to your husband. But there is also a healthy dose of interdependence within relationships. It is normal for your partner to want to experience a certain level of emotional support. ⚡️ Acknowledging their pain and challenges doesn't mean you are feeding into their insecurities. A couple of things to consider and journal on: Do all of the disagreements end up with your self-assessment and conclusion on how your strengths and empowerment are causing his triggers, and he needs to work on himself more?Is his every concern and expression of a need met with dismissal and spiritual bypassing? Does it mean that just because he got triggered, it absolves you of the responsibility you have to be mindful about the way you speak to him?No, this doesn't mean you need to censor yourself or walk on eggshells, but to acknowledge the gap between the level of self-improvement and emotional literacy between you two. 📌 It is both of your responsibilities to bridge the gap in the level of emotional literacy, understanding and communication. And remember to be mindful of surrounding yourself with people who can call you out, who don't mind disagreeing with you, and who will notice when you're being avoidant. Because avoidance will display itself as spiritual superiority, and sneak its way into your self-coaching and self-reflection practices and steer you in the direction where you never take accountability. The solution is to discuss it with people who are not afraid to disagree with you, like a therapist or a coach. Unpaid accountability groups don't work because the desire to preserve the group is stronger than the desire to be impartial. ⚡️ Which is why I started doing this work. I offer one-off coaching sessions and long-term coaching programs... Where I listen to your concerns, hold you accountable, shed light on your shadows and guide you through the decision-making and taking the uncomfortable action. 👉🏼 Apply for an exploration call here 👉🏼 ⁠https://bit.ly/form-call⁠ to see in which capacity I can support you, and whether we are a good fit to work together. ***📌 In the next episode - Death of a marriage by a thousand cuts⚡️ Sign up to Intuition vs Ego Guide ⁠https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/⁠ (FREE)Website ⁠https://enathecoach.com/⁠✳️ Connect with me YouTube ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/⁠Instagram ⁠https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/⁠TikTok ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach⁠Facebook ⁠https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/