#32 - Time Under Tension: Dr. Sarah Sarkis on The Psychology of Thriving

High-achieving people are burning a ton of energy trying to “control” their inner world—suppressing emotions, powering through shame, and chasing quick behavioural fixes—while never really learning how to work with their psyche in a way that leads to sustainable thriving. Sarah is tackling that gap: how to build true emotional flexibility, self-awareness, and self-regulation so you can handle discomfort, perform at a high level, and grow from struggle instead of being ruled by it.  In today’s conversation Sarah Sarkis explores what it really means to thrive psychologically, beyond the clichés of “just be positive.” She traces her journey from forensic psychology to performance consulting and explains why she’s “not in the business of happiness, but of self-awareness and change.” She and Dr. Wells unpack emotional “time under tension,” the power of developing an observing ego, the damage of abusive self-talk, and how our thoughts shape neurochemistry and even gene expression over time. They finish by diving into flow states, the struggle–release–flow–recovery cycle, and practical ways to design your day so presence and flow are more likely to show up—at work, in sport, and at home.  You will learn why Sarah defines thriving as emotional flexibility rather than constant happiness, and how expanding your capacity to feel all your emotions is the foundation for growth. You will learn how to practice self-observation, create space between stimulus and response, and reframe “control” as self-regulation built through small daily reps of sitting with yourself. You will learn how harsh self-talk and perfectionism are often symptoms of deeper shame injuries, and how compassion and curiosity begin to unwind those patterns. You will learn how thoughts drive neurochemical cascades that influence gene expression, what this means for epigenetics, and how simple practices like scheduled stillness, clear intentions, and working in the “challenge channel” help you access more frequent micro-flow states.  You will discover that emotional and psychological growth follow the same rules as physical training: it’s all about time under tension. When you repeatedly practice observing yourself—especially in discomfort—you widen your aperture for feelings, shift from white-knuckle control to genuine self-regulation, and make it far easier to access flow and high performance on demand.  Most listeners know what they “should” do—meditate, be present, change habits—but feel stuck, avoidant, or overwhelmed when it comes to actually facing their interior world. Sarah’s framework shows you how to move from behaviour-only hacks to deeper psychological work, so you can stop running from difficult emotions and instead use them as raw material for resilience, performance, and more authentic relationships.