This is optimal living daily episode 393, an excerpt from the audio book, essential essays by the minimalist by Joshua Fields, Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus. And I'm Justin Molick, your host and narrator. Welcome to old or OD, where I simply read to you from amazing blogs covering personal development and minimalism, like a massive ongoing audio book. And today it is an audio book.
He's going to play an excerpt from the audio book that I created for them. It's out now. The book is essential essays by the minimalist and the movie, minimalism, a documentary about the important things is on Netflix now. So definitely check that out if you have Netflix, of course.
And I'll start playing the audio book in a second, but please listen all the way through to the end, especially if you want a bonus chance to win a book from me. People who visit the special link will have a chance to win. I'll let you know all about that at the end of the episode. For now, here's an excerpt from the audio book as we optimize your life, an excerpt from the audio book, essential essays by the minimalist by Joshua Fields, Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus, meaningful relationships by Joshua Fields, Millburn.
For many years, I associate with people based on convenience. The people who were closest to me were the people who were, well, closest to me. That is, I spent most of my time with people whose only commonality was proximity, schoolmates, coworkers, acquaintances, networking buddies, etc. Most of them weren't bad people, but other than location, we had very little in common.
We didn't share similar values or beliefs that bent rocks of any worthwhile relationship. In many cases, we didn't even share any common interests. My life is appreciably different now. I live more deliberately.
Accordingly, my relationships are more deliberate, too. Besides two of my closest relationships, Nicodemus and my wonderful former spouse, and a handful of friendships spawned from yesterday, I've met all my most meaningful relationships online. That's right. I've met most of my closest friends on the internet.
Although we are to read and we are to write, it's the magnificent truth for good reasons. People ask me about my relationships all the time, usually with respect to dating or intimate relationships, e.g., now that you're a minimalist, you find the women you date have a problem with your lifestyle? My answer? Why the fuck would I want to spend significant chunks of time with someone who doesn't share similar values or interests?
My lifestyle is predicated on certain principles, and that's my relationships, intimate or otherwise, must align with my personal standards. It's hard to grow with someone if you're both growing in opposite directions. Because of the internet, however, you and I are no longer relegated by proximity. We're no longer forced to engage in pointless small talk in an effort to uncover a more self-commonality.
We no longer have to hang out with a guy in the nearby cubicle outside work hours. Instead, we can see how people with similar values and beliefs. Most of my newfound relationships have two things in common. We met because of the internet, and we see the world through similar lenses.
That doesn't mean we all agree on everything, nor do we have the same tastes, opinions, or personalities, or human beings on robots, but our common interests allow us to forge bonds that are predicated on something much more significant than proximity. Worthwhile interactions make life more purposeful, they make life worth living. Without them, we'd be forced to experience the world with people who aren't understanding, supportive, or caring. Or worse, we'd be forced to encounter the world on our own, completely alone, which doesn't sound like a pleasant proposition, even for an introvert like me.
It's complicated. Don't let Facebook fool you, there is one and only one honest relationship status. It's complicated. Whether you've been married for decades, or are recently single, or are involved in some sort of obtuse polyamorous love triangle, it's important to understand relationships, all relationships, intimate, or otherwise, are inherently complicated.
We are human beings, mixed bags of thoughts and emotions and actions, righteous liars and honest cheats, sinners and saints, walking contradictions, both the darkness and the light. There's going to be times at which you disagree with your partner, argue with your friends, quarrel with the guy in the cubicle and exeores, such as life. The key then is to work through complications with others, to find common ground, to change yourself if you like, but never, ever, attempt to change someone else. Love, caring, and respect don't work that way.
To love someone is to understand them, or it's an all. You can provide guidance, but the people you love still have to steer at their own boat. More wins than losses by Ryan Nicodemus. Throughout my 20s, I was in on again, off again alcoholic, and on again, off again womanizer, and on again, off again drug addict.
I was a lot of things I'm not proud of, and I still battle with some of my demons. I'm not perfect, I still lose sometimes. But there's a key difference between Ryan past and Ryan present. I win a lot more today.
The person you are today is directly related to the five people you spend the most time with and your role models. Top five associates plus role models equals you. If someone spends the majority of their time with friends at the bar and aspires to live like Snooki from the Jersey Shore, then they made an obvious lifestyle choice. Sometimes it's not this obvious.
Examine your friends and role models. If they're not in line with who you want to be, then something needs to change. Then, take massive action. Once you see what needs to change, change it.
Don't sit around and shoo it all over yourself. Can't take immediate action? Fine. Pick a date when you're able to implement change, and stick to it no matter what.
Make change a must. If you don't take action, your life won't be any different. Change means avoiding negative relationships. Change means asking friends and family to embrace change with you.
Change means breaking out of your comfort zone. Change means finding new, empowering relationships and role models. It's not easy, but it is rewarding. What's the difference between action and massive action?
My mentoring client says this all the time. The difference is that massive action creates a physiological shift. Sitting down and writing out how you need to change is taking action. Joining a new group of people to make new friends is taking massive action.
If your actions don't move you, literally move you in the direction you want to be, then it's not massive action. Lastly, realize there's no end game. Once you reach greatness, keep being great. Often when I reach success, when I used to call success, I would use my bad habits as a way to reward myself.
I did this with health and exercise. As soon as I saw good, not great results, I would reward myself by slacking off and eating unhealthily. This attitude will destroy your momentum. You don't have to fall back to your old habits.
You get to move forward toward better ones. Keep your head up. I fail many times and I still do. The key is to fail less as time goes on.
You just listen to an excerpt from the audiobook essential, essays by the minimalist by Joshua Fields-Mellburn and Ryan Agademis. And that's from the relationships chapter. I'm the narrator of their official audiobook, so you can find that on Amazon or wherever if you like this show I'm sure you like audiobooks too. And I have a special bonus giveaway for this weekend only.
I'll close it down probably Sunday night or Monday morning at midnight somewhere around there. All you have to do is come by oldpodcast.com slash raffle. This is special, it's not my usual giveaway just for being on my mailing list. It's an extra one.
And there are instructions there. Just check it out. Follow the instructions and you'll be in a small special raffle to win a book from me if you do it. It's that easy.
Again, just visit oldpodcast.com slash raffle. And if you're on my mailing list and get my emails every week, I'll mention it there too, so you don't have to rush off right now unless you really want to. In that wraps up today's episode, thank you so much for listening through to the end and I'll see you in the show tomorrow where you're optimal life awaits. Hey, this is Dan from the Optimal Finance Daily Podcast, which is a lot like this show except more focused on personal finance.
Justin hand picks the best posts he can find from blogs and authors like Remit Safety, Mr. Money mustache and more and I read them to you five days a week. So if you enjoy this podcast, come on over and subscribe to Optimal Finance Daily too. And together, we'll optimize your financial life.
Join us and remember, your optimal life awaits.