This is Optimal Living Daily, episode 394, an excerpt from the audiobook essential, as saved by the minimalist by Joshua Fields-Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus, and I'm Justin Mollick. Welcome back to your regular OLD listener, also known as an oldie, or if you're new year, welcome to the show. This is like an audio blog, or a gigantic audio book, everyone think about it, and this is one of four podcasts where I read to you from amazing blogs. And on this show, I cover personal development and minimalism, mostly, and today is about minimalism.
Like yesterday, I'm gonna play you an excerpt from the audiobook that I made for the minimalist, who have a documentary out on Netflix now, just search for minimalism and Netflix, to watch it for free if you have Netflix. And I think it's only available in certain countries, unfortunately, so if you don't want to Netflix, or if it isn't in your country, you can find more info at minimalismfilm.com. And like yesterday, please listen through to the end, there's a special raffle going on this weekend, they can be entered in, but only if you hear the instructions at the end of the episode, or yesterday's episode. All right, with that, here's a clip from the audiobook, as we optimize your life.
An excerpt from the audiobook essential, essays by the minimalist by Joshua Fields-Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus, letting go of the relationships. Some relationships are particularly pernicious. We often develop relationships out of convenience without considering the trace necessary to build a successful bond with another person. Important traits, like unwavering support, shared trust, and loving encouragement.
When a relationship is birthed out of proximity or a chemistry alone, it is bound to fail. We need more than a person's physical presence to maintain a meaningful connection, but we routinely keep people around simply because they're already around. It's easy to develop a connection with a coworker, schoolmates, or someone who's always there, even when they're not adding any real value to our lives. It's even easier to stay in those relationships.
Old relationships are comfortable, and starting new relationships is difficult, it requires work, anything worth holding onto does. We've all held onto someone who didn't deserve to be there, and most of us still have someone in our lives who continually drains us, someone who doesn't add value, someone who isn't supportive, someone who takes and takes and takes without giving back to the relationship, someone who contributes very little and prevents us from growing, someone who constantly plays the victim. Victims become victimizers though, and these people are dangerous. They keep us from feeling fulfilled.
They keep us from living purpose-driven lives. Over time, these negative relationships become part of our identity. They define us, they become who we are. Fortunately, this needs to be the case.
Several actions can be taken to rid ourselves of negative relationships. First, you can attempt to fix the relationship. This is obviously the preferable solution, will be not always possible or worthwhile. People change over time, and so do relationships.
You can change how your relationship works, be it marriage, friendship, or family, without completely ditching the relationship. Sit down with the person who's draining the vitality from your life and explain to them what must change in order for your relationship to work. Explain you need them to be more supportive, you need them to participate in your growth, and they're important to you, but the relationship in its current state does not make you happy. Explain you're not attempting to change them as a person, you simply want to change how your relationship works.
Finally, ask them what they'd like to change about the relationship, ask them how you can add more value. Listen attentively, act accordingly. If you're unable to change the relationship, end it. This is difficult, but it applies to any relationship.
Family, friends, lovers, coworkers, acquaintances. If someone is only draining your life, it's perfectly acceptable to tell them, this relationship is no longer right for me, so I must end it, I must move on. It's okay to move on, you owe it to yourself to move on, you owe it to yourself to be happy in your relationships, you are in control. Moving on is sometimes the only way to develop new, empowering relationships.
Starting anew, empty-handed, and full-hearted, you can build fresher, stronger, more supportive relationships. Important relationships that allow you to have fun, be happy, and contribute beyond yourself. These are the relationships we all need. It's also important to do your part.
You too must add value to the relationship. Not by buying gifts or commoditizing your love, but by showing up every day and rigorously exhibiting how much you care, demonstrating your love through consistent actions, continually going out of your way to help the others and grow. Both people must do their part to grow the relationship. Only then will both of you be satisfied with the relationship you've built.
Goodbye, fake friends, by Joshua Fields-Milburn. Dear, fake friends from my past, when I walked away from a successful career several years ago, you thought I was crazy. Even crazier when I said I wanted to cultivate my passion to pursue my dream, writing. It's all right, there's no need to deny it now.
Save your apologies, I'm not looking for one. Scores of you, my so-called friends, talked behind my back. The great fine is not self-contained, so yes, the terrible things you said got back to me. You said I was dumb, out of touch, too idealistic.
You gossiped, told me about lost my mind. I was an idiot, you said. I'd be broke and alone in no time. Truth be told, it was upsetting, gut-wrenching and heart-wrenching to hear the vitriol that was spewed.
I thought you were different. I thought we were different. I thought we were friends. You, my lip-service friends, told me it was impossible.
If people could make a living from their passions, he said that everyone would be doing it. I was making a mistake, a horrible decision. I regret giving up the money, the status, the ostensible success. My plan would never work out.
It's evident now you were merely projecting your fears, hoping I would fail so your flawed idea of success would remain unblemished. Well, guess what? I don't regret my change in lifestyle. Everything did work out and then some.
My life is better now than it ever was in that corner office, substantially better. Be it money, passion, health. My life has improved exponentially. Even my friends have changed for the better.
You see, my real friends, although they may have not fully understood my decision at the time, they supported me through the transition, real support. They encouraged me, cheered me on, offered help and I needed it. In truth, it took this type of radical change to understand who my real friends were and who was just hanging out because I had an impressive job title or the shiny things they wanted. Without the facade of a big paycheck or an oversized house, I made new friends, people whose interests, values and beliefs align with mine.
Wonderful people who care about me, for me, not what's printed on my business card. So I guess this is goodbye, fake friends of old. I'm walking away for good and you likely won't be able to catch up. But first, I'd like to thank you for teaching me one of life's most important lessons.
You can't change the people around you, but you can change the people around you. You just listened to an excerpt from the audiobook essential, essays by The Minimalist, by Joshua Fields-Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus. You can find this audiobook on Amazon or get more info at theminimalist.com. And like I mentioned yesterday, I have a special bonus raffle only for people who are taking action and visiting oldpodcast.com slash raffle.
It's a end page, so it's only available if you heard this episode or yesterday's episode, or if you're on my mailing list. And all you have to do is follow the instructions there and you'll be entered away in a book from me. And I don't think a lot of people will participate, so this is probably gonna be the best chance you have for winning a book. Again, just visit that page and follow the instructions.
It's at oldpodcast.com slash raffle, and I'll take it down tomorrow night. And that's it for today. I'm not sure if I'll play you more from the audiobook or if I'll go back to reading blogs. I'm on work overload right now because I'm wrapping up my third audiobook for the minimalist right now.
Hope you're gonna complete it this weekend. So I'll have to see how that goes. Anyway, hope you're having a great weekend and I'll catch you on tomorrow's show where your optimal life awaits. Hey, this is Dan from the Optimal Finance Daily Podcast, which is a lot like this show, except more focused on personal finance.
Justin hand-picks the best posts he can find from blogs and authors like Remit Sate, Mr. Money Mustache and more, and I read them to you five days a week. So if you enjoyed this podcast, come on over and subscribe to Optimal Finance Daily too. And together, we'll optimize your financial life.
You've been listening to Optimal Living Daily. Be sure to hit the subscribe button to stay up to date on each new episode and head to oldpodcast.com. That's OLDpodcast.com for a free gift, as well as more actionable tips and resources to help you maximize your potential. Thanks for joining us, and remember, your optimal life awaits.