4. What Are Your Family Values?

A strong value system supports a family in making aligned decisions as individuals and as a unit. Everyone knows about the Golden Rule, but what other values are there? Emily and Dan deep dive into all things value-related. 

Having and stating family values creates a context so that it is easier for everyone to know their role, how to make decisions, and to understand where they fit into the family system. Values are a belief that makes you act a certain way. If we figure out how we want to behave in general, that understanding can be applied to specific situations. 

Emily and Dan offer examples of values in action and the processes of identifying them. As differentiators, value systems will vary by family and that is something to be celebrated!

Before the episode they each wrote down what they believe to be their family’s values. They gained so much insight by comparing their lists. Sometimes putting a name to what we think is implicit is really helpful for getting on the same page. 

Starting from scratch can feel overwhelming to identify family values. Sometimes naming the values as they emerge organically from one’s actions is a solid place to start, identifying the behavior as experienced real time. One benchmark for knowing when to have your family’s values identified could be by the time your child starts asking why, around 3 or 4 years old, and absolutely by the time they are in their pivotals.

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Episode Outline: 

(00:20) The importance of having and defining family values

(04:37) Are values rule-based?

(09:37) Prioritizing self care, trying new things, and making mistakes

(13:05) Own your own feelings

(14:54) Advice, encouragement, and boundaries

(17:53) Value zones: boundaries, integrity, responsibility, feelings

(23:12) The when, where, how, why of creating family values

(29:44) How to start defining your family’s values 

(31:12) Creating a physical value list for the kids

Connect with Dan and Emily: 

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About Dan and Emily: 

We’re Dan and Emily Mall, the parents behind Great Job! We’ve known each other since 5th grade, been together for over twenty years, and have spent the last 12 years raising our two daughters, Sidda and Charlie. We started this space after we noticed a lot of our friends and teachers (and our kids’ friends’ parents) coming to us for advice or to compliment the way our kids sometimes show up in the world. We wanted a way to share our stories of what’s worked and hasn’t for parents and caregivers, who, like us, struggle with raising amazing humans.