Episode Description
<h1 style="text-align: center;"><strong>Am I Helping People Who Are Suicidal?</strong></h1> <h2 style="text-align: center;"><strong>Should I Worry about My Daughter's Anxiety?</strong></h2> <h2 style="text-align: center;"><strong>Disarming Yourself</strong></h2> <p><span style="color: #000000;">The answers to today's questions are brief and were written prior to the show. Listen to the podcast for a more in-depth discussion of each question.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Here are the questions for today's podcast.</span></p> <ol> <li><span style="color: #000000;">George asks: Would my approach help someone who is suicidal?</span></li> <li><span style="color: #000000;">No Name asks: Do I need to worry about my daughter's anxiety?</span></li> <li><span style="color: #000000;">Jeffrey asks: Can you disarm yourself?</span></li> </ol> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong> </strong></span></p> <ol> <li><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>George asks: Would my approach help someone who is suicidal?</strong></span></li> </ol> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Dear David,</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Please tell me if this is too close to medical or other protected advice, but I had a question about something I tell people who are sometimes struggling with suicidal ideation.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Throughout my life, I have had the thought "I don't want to be alive anymore" more times than I can count. But what I have come to realize over time is that this is just something my brain says when I'm upset; it doesn't really mean anything other than that. It's just a reaction to being very upset and that reframing helps me feel better about it, knowing that it's not a conviction but rather just how my brain expresses negative distress.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Multiple people have found this helpful, but I wonder if telling certain people this would be dismissive/triggering/etc. In a dangerous way?</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Do you think I should stop sharing this experience?</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">George</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style= "color: #000000;"><strong>David's reply:</strong></span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style="color: #000000;">Hi George,</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style="color: #000000;">Thanks for asking. I will make this an Ask David question, if okay with you, using your first name or some other name if you prefer.</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style="color: #000000;">Short answer: to me, this is like giving advice, to my way of thinking, and I have spent the last 40 – 50 years indicating that this is NOT an approach that's ever worked for me.</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style="color: #000000;">Can say more on the podcast.</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style= "color: #000000;">Thanks!</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style= "color: #000000;">Warmly, david</span></p> <p> </p> <ol start="2"> <li><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>No Name asks: Do I need to worry about my daughter's anxiety?</strong></span></li> </ol> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Dear Dr. Burns,</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">I am not very skilled at expressing how much you, Rhonda, the others and your work mean to me. So, I will just ask a question.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">My daughter, who has a lot of anxiety issues told me that when she has a problem, she will purposely stew over it when trying to fall asleep so that she will wake up with an answer to the problem the next morning. I cringed. Is there any way that this is a safe or helpful paradoxical technique?</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">No name</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style= "color: #000000;"><strong>David's reply</strong></span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style= "color: #000000;">Thanks, I'll copy Rhonda. We are both grateful for your loving comments!</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style= "color: #000000;">Rhonda, we can make this an ask David if you like for a podcast.</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style="color: #000000;">But short answer, at least, in my opinion, is that this is a cool way to use your brain. It is a skill. For example, I often get confused by a difficult statistics problem when analyzing data, and go to sleep confused. Nearly all the time, my brain wakes me up in the middle of the night with a brilliant answer. So, if she perceived is in a positive way, and isn't disturbed, you could try nourishing it, as opposed to worrying about it!</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style="color: #000000;">We'll see what Rhonda thinks.</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style= "color: #000000;">Rhonda, I'll add this great brief question to our list for Tuesday. I am reluctant to postpone the Ask David as when we've done this in the past, we've ended up never answer at least 20 to 30 questions which are now too old to put on a podcast. Those who asked may no longer even be alive it's been so long!</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style= "color: #000000;">Warmly, david</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style= "color: #000000;"><strong>Rhonda's reply</strong></span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style="color: #000000;">Thank you for this lovely feedback. It really means a lot to us. Your daughter is going through something so many of us experience. I am excited we can respond to your question on an Ask David podcast.</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style= "color: #000000;">Warmly, Rhonda</span></p> <ol start="3"> <li><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Jeffrey asks: Can you disarm yourself?</strong></span></li> </ol> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Subject:</strong> Question about using disarming technique on oneself, and also it being used against you.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Endless gratitude to all of you for the pipeline of clarity and hope.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">I was wondering if one can use disarming on oneself. Much of the focus in feeling good seems focused on looking for and challenging our distortions, which seems the opposite of disarming.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Maybe the reversal of agendas emphasized in feeling great is essentially putting the disarming back into the process in regards to ourselves.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">I would like to hear your thoughts on this.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">On a side note, if one is in a legal contention or divorce, I could see how disarming could be effective and pacifying, yet what if those admissions could be used against you.</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style= "color: #000000;"><strong>David's reply</strong></span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style="color: #000000;">I would like to include this in an Ask David podcast, with our first name or a fake name. Please advise if okay.</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style="color: #000000;">Short answer: the ideas and tools to treat individual mood problems, like depression, are the complete opposite of the ideas and tools to treat relationship problems. This is like matter and anti-matter. However, the Disarming Technique and the Acceptance Paradox connect these two opposed and radically different worlds. So, in a sense, you are right. The Acceptance Paradox is a lot like disarming yourself!</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style="color: #000000;">Best, david</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Jeffry's reply to david</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Thank you for the succinct response, and I look forward to hearing it fleshed out in the podcast.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">I would be honored for you to mention my name: Jeffrey - from the outskirts of Jerusalem in Israel</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">And thank you to the whole team for keeping the best things in life for free (although I do hope everyone receives the funds they need).</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Yet I feel converse maxim - "there's no free lunch" remains standing, <a style= "color: #000000;" href= "app://resources/notifications.html">app://resources/notifications.html</a></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">And that is, because, as you state over and over - anybody serious in improvement must pay the price; whether in completing the daily logs, or Burns assessment quizzes, or facing your fears, challenging your assumptions or fine-tuning one's communication skills, one interaction at a time.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">The danger of apps, and screens in general, are the inherent passivity and superficiality they engender, so I am looking forward to seeing how this app overcomes that.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Lastly, you had sought feedback as to audience preferences for podcasts:</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">I think by now I and most regular listeners are clear in the general approaches of Team CBT, and how it differs from other schools and their adherents, so now I benefit most from the role playing to crystallize and internalize its application.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">I would also be willing to forego multiple scenarios in each session in order to spend more time reiterating and clarifying individual scenarios - assuming that David, Rhonda, Matt, etc, have the willingness to keep going.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Keep on keeping us learning and laughing.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Jeffrey</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style= "color: #000000;"><strong>David's reply</strong></span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style="color: #000000;">Thanks for the kindly and thoughtful note. We'll certainly try, but as you say, there's no free lunch and no guarantees! We are sometimes just hanging on!</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style="color: #000000;">I like your recommendation for podcasts: more role playing I think to bring techniques and ideas to life.</span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><span style= "color: #000000;">Warmly, david</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Thanks, for listening!</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">David and Rhonda</span></p>