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Ryan J. Ebel, he is the house artist he draws every episode. He sells prints of all the drawings he does and we have the Kill Tony book and a bunch of stuff. Go to ryanjebelt.com.
And last but not least, TonyHinchClip.com for everything, Golden Pony. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Trev and come to your live from Vulcan Gas, come to hear us and not to get taxes for a brand new episode of Kill Tony, get up for a Tony, hey, catch me in! Guys, you're the number one live podcast in the world.
Can we make some fucking noise in this room right now? Yeah, it's Red Band, everybody makes some noise for the GreyBryan Red Band, he invented podcasts. This is Kill Tony brought to you by the Yellow Rose and the Red Rose, the two best strip clubs in the world are here in Austin, Texas. Isn't that crazy?
How cool is that? How about a hand for the band everybody? The screwball of peanut butter whiskey band. That's the great Michael Gonzalez on the drums.
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Hey, y'all, I'm back out on tour doing standup comedy. You can see me live in your city or around your city. April 8th and 9th, I'll be in Philadelphia. April 21st to the 23rd, come see me in Miami.
May 5th through May 7th, Phoenix, Arizona. I'm back with you. And May 20th and 21st, I'm back in Salt Lake City, Utah, placed with an unbelievably great sense of humor. So come out, see me on tour, and maybe I'll give you a high-fiver.
I'll spit in your mouth or something. Hey, y'all, you can take the kid out of Gary, Indiana, but why would you? In Bus Down, Peacock's new original comedy series, Four Friends working at a Midwestern casino where it's firing to be mostly where they are. Created by and starring Jack Knight, Langston Kerman, Sam J and Chris Red, Bus Down is in inspired by the crew's real-life chemistry, conversations and friendship.
The result is in a reverend offbeat, unpredictable swirl of hijinks and absurdity. We're friends with all these people. This is so cool that they have their own show. I'm excited.
You know more about it, right, right, right? Yes, it's all about these friends that navigate obstacles and opportunities in and out of the workplace, including, but not limited, to climbing a very short career ladder, fending off horny church ladies and hiding from your best friend during a fist fight at the fondue factory. In a moment where everyone has something to say, the Four Friends relish saying not much of anything or alternatively the dumbest thing possible. You know, check it out.
These are some of our front friends from the comedy store. It's so cool when people get to a sell a project and make something and we've known these people forever. These are our brothers and sisters. Go check it out.
Bus Down is streaming now only on Peacock. Hey, there, auto mechanics and super cool. Do it yourself guys who work on their own cars. I want to tell you about RockAuto.com, the online store with every auto part of the best prices.
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No promo code needed as the pricing is already that good. When you order, make sure to tell rockauto.com that you heard about them on Kill Tony. Rockauto.com. Hello there, responsible adults over the age of 21 living in states where Delta 8 is legal.
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It's Yodecratum.com, home of the $60 kilo. Are you guys ready to start this show or what? Every single week I do have two of the funniest guests in the world, two of the great comedians of our time this week. Really, really special one.
Ladies and gentlemen, it makes a noise for two of the greats, Rich Voss and Willie Hunter. How cool is that? New York, iPod, Rich Voss from Tough Crowd from the Rich Voss Rose. Willie Hunter, the car Michael's show.
Comedy store paid regular. Willie Hunter and I started together, Rich Voss, you've been one of my favorite comedians since I was a little kid. This is so amazing. I couldn't sell this menu tickets in a month.
It's fucking amazing. It's fucking awesome. This is unbelievable. Man's racing.
Relax, get me. I was going to get to them next. Look at how dumbfounded people from New York and L.A. are when they come to Texas and come to see a real fucking comedy show.
Am I right? My friends here are like, wow, look at all this. Square the masks. I went.
Where's the tears? I was working. I was working Texas when you were sitting yellow in a diaper. Okay.
Actually, you were working Texas before I was born, for sure. I mean, yeah, Rich has been around for a while. The young Buck Willie Hunter, however, we started together, same class over at the comedy store. Door guys together.
Dude, you remember when I was the Iron Patriot on the early episode? That's true. I mean, die hard fans. Yeah.
So it was Tiffany Haddish and Jesus Christ. Kevin Lee Light. No, you literally was. And we had him.
So rock and roll. I'm glad you guys are here. Of course, Rich Vos from My Wife Hates Me. Willie Hunter getting residual checks because he is the creator of the Carmichael Show.
Yeah, go in. Go buy it. I can have that money. What's that on Keycock or something?
No. Viewmaster. He can buy it on the news on Hulu and Netflix. All right.
We're going to watch a bunch of stand up comedians together. You guys have both done the show before. You know how it works. It's time to hit tonight.
You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means you're having up then are also going to bring out the Angry West Hollywood bear, which is essentially just a really loud sound that immediately cuts off whatever they're saying because the format of the show is that they do a minute. After that minute's up, I interviewed them. We find out more about them.
Try to find out what makes them special. I'm going to ask one more time. Are you guys ready to start this fucking show tonight? Yeah.
Perfect. Then we will do so with one of our regulars. Ladies and gentlemen, to get things started, make some noise for the great and powerful Hans Kim, everyone. Hey, grand new minute.
From Hans Kim. How lucky are we. Hey. I don't understand it when people tell me to mind my own business because that's not even how business works There's a lot of mining other people's business and business.
It's called corporate espionage I don't I'm not really gonna talking to women. They're always like what's your favorite color and what street did you grow up on? And what's your mother's made a name? It's like are we trying to fuck or you're trying to recover my email password?
I've never been like fucking I've been like man. I want to come but I don't know what street she grew up on Pretty good at coming and I'm not just saying that because women are bad conversationalists They're not if you listen to their whole story. It makes sense at the end why they included so many details Even if I was trying to fuck dudes. I want I would want to chat to them all day because no one's more interesting than their genitals feel I don't care if you want Whitman get back there start licking Thank you Wow.
All right. Hell. Yeah. What are you wearing?
It's from Coles. You are adorable. You are the sweetest thing. How about one more time for Hans everybody up here He's autistic folks.
That's not just Asian. He's autistic too How's life going Hans? It's going fabulously. Tell us about it.
I recently was able to rent a room in a house. I bought an inversion table What do you mean an inversion table? It's a table that flips you upside down. You just put your arms up and then You finally moved into a place after living in your car for months and months and the first thing you got was an inversion table Hanging upside down.
Yeah What? Damn John Deezing is into hanging upside down. All right, it's all new to me. How often you do this Hans?
Probably three times a day Oh my goodness. Is this what happens when you eat too many bats? Because he's Asian Yeah, it's like a bad like it's like a Russian roulette You know your jokes were so funny, but here's a little tip never run to the stage Like none of these people run to work in the morning, you know what I mean? Don't be so excited because you're not like you fucking own the place.
You know what I'm saying? I just noticed you always come up like you just got called up on a game show You know you you see higher or lower Yeah, Hans always comes up like he was hoping to go up and he doesn't know that he's gonna go first Yes, every single episode and I hope he calls my name Because you'll see these comics before they go on their shadowboxing if you are having heart surgery and you looked up and you're Surgeon with shadowboxing you're probably gonna die So what I'm saying is walk up cool And what I loved about you didn't talk about being Irish, you know what I mean? 100% he did not Hans what else has been going on in your personal life this week? I always like finding out the dirty details of Hans Kim.
You're so always so honest. You always overshare I've been having regular sex with the Ukrainian women. Whoa damn wow. Oh My goodness gracious, that's the worst thing to happen to Ukrainians this week Thank you Russia Wow Now when you're upside down on your inversion table.
Have you ever tried to eat pussy doing that? I She's been on my inversion table, but I just I wanted to keep it normal. I don't want to do anything weird I just I wanted to get on the bed, but you did have those thoughts at one point. Yeah, I was like I could definitely finger her right now Wow, look at that old honest Hans over here Old honest Hans is out everybody Tony.
It's true. I did think about figuring her just an innocent upside down friend of yours Look at that do you run to your inversion table? No, I should stop doing that. Thank you.
I'm like a little innocent, you know child in my fantasy you are Rich bosses here ladies and gentlemen. I love it So when did you start? Did you do you like have a fetish where someone has to their country has to be invaded? How long have you been how long have you been with this Ukrainian girl since the new year?
I met her at the New Year show and we made out she's the girl that I made out and fingered in the alleyway What's the New Year show on the rushing border? Hans what else anything else we need to know about I You know I hung out with You're so Asian dude, even when you're in between saying things you're literally just saying Asian shit Not yet I just have an American flag and there you go let him know you're one of the good ones Leave no doubt. I'll tell you know your jokes are really fucking funny, man. Thank you They were funny for I mean for you Nice great he gets every show started How about a hand form with a brand new minute?
It comes him everybody and like that the show has begun But now is where things get interesting because now we need a complete stranger Who's going to be trying their absolute best to make you laugh for a minute could be a brand new comedian? Somebody signed up that could be a local legend your first comedian out of the bucket goes by the name of Rachel Oaks Rachel Oaks everyone here she comes everybody Rachel Oaks you guys haven't fun out there yet What? One more time for Rachel Oaks everyone. How's it going guys?
I think parenting is a lot harder now that you're expected to keep all your kids alive Think about it 60 70 years ago to about the beginning of humanity You could only know so much and there was so much more that could kill you let alone a dumb baby Infection broken bones stupidity and it was such a shared experience that you would wait to name a kid until he was a few years old Just so you would get too attached and so you would waste a good baby name There was no such thing as a bad parent a hundred years ago you can pick anybody you want mine is Casey Anthony Casey Anthony had been a mom a hundred years ago and she told a bunch of other moms that she her baby had died This is exactly how it would go. Oh, no what happened? Xanax that's fancy. We've been just giving our kids whiskey and morphine Did you name her?
I shouldn't name her. I don't want you guys get the right idea. I don't want to kill kids for me It really depends on the kid. I'll wrap it up there Rachel Oaks everybody there you go Welcome to the show Rachel.
Thank you. It's your first time on here. Correct awesome. How long have been one stand up for since February since February?
Awesome. What do you do for work? I'm getting an energy of like a petty cap driver or something like that exciting something hippie No, I wish it's really boring right now. I work bookkeeping.
Ah Lots of comedy about it bookkeeping. Yep. Okay. Do you ever wear glasses?
Yeah, right? Okay, cuz I can't I can't picture a bookkeeper not wearing glasses, right? I mean you have to they got Willie Hunter donating classes. I hope you can see very good Interesting you just turned into Garth from Windsor.
Oh, congratulations. I love it Rachel what made you want to start doing stand-up comedy? I've been writing jokes for a long time and just thought I gave it a shot I love it. What else do you do for fun any other hobbies or anything?
I just started doing longboarding I'm trying to do some new things and every time I feel a little bit more confident. So I thought why not? What were your old things? Sorry?
What were your old things? I don't know looking awesome. What? Looking awesome.
Okay. Have a friends I don't know what we do that every once in a great while Looking alright, forget it. I I'm gonna say I think you look awesome and just you Have you ever been to a Hampton Inn? What I'm listening.
I'm not only in town for two nights, but listen to me Here's the thing I liked about her because I love dark humor and it's tough just to come out and start Like if you were doing 15 or 20 minutes, then you get into the dark humor. You don't open up and hey I love killing babies, but I'm saying it's like I'm coming to Texas. I'll help but Shimony crickets. This is a like a lot.
This is the first ever me to on a live podcast before it's very exciting I'm gay I'm just seeing if he has any little brothers. I I love it Rachel. Do you have a boyfriend or something like husband? Oh husband Wow, how long you been married for?
I got married last year sweet. What does he do? He is going to school to become a doctor. Oh wow.
Do you have a long way to go? No, I mean he's got some kind of doctor. He doesn't know yet. It's kind of tries to be a gynecologist Are you going to talk?
I'm really good at my husband. Hell yeah. What's your question? I miss it.
Yeah, it wasn't that You ever see Tony have you ever seen a gynecologist give direction to like you go that way That's a visual so she won't she's married. I think we could wrap this up My god, you have any special talents Rachel? I don't know you seem like the type of person that is like one of those like like things on a string or like you do like crazy Or something I could definitely try that I'm really good at telling people like fruit you got something under sure Oh, no, oh no, oh no If you were a boy Willie Hunter would be fucking you up right now. Oh my god.
I hate it when people do that shit Do it for equality right here. Have you ever been to New Jersey? No Well, I don't have a kid. Thank God I don't know I just saw I really like the idea that Casey Anthony is a good mom would be a funny joke and I So and it worked with a couple other jokes like I don't understand why it's okay to put down a dog when he bites someone But not a kid you really hate kids.
Oh, yeah, why do you think you hate kids so much? I don't I just think the jokes are funny Really you have a bunch of miscarriages or something like that like you're not like fuck kids I'm ready to go. Okay, so again. You're lucky your mom didn't think you'd way you do.
Oh, I am You know my daughter the other day in the car she got she said take me to Burger King I said no and I should she said to me she goes you're worse than Hitler I should I go halo and take six million people to Burger King I'm just not taking you Hell yeah, I'm sure there's a tropical joke in there Oh My god Rachel, I never got an answer out of you on this special skills of talents I bailed out on that I feel myself out on that I feel like you didn't because here we are I know I'm back I don't have an answer for you. I don't know. I mean special like I mean like I need to like party tricks or anything like that You good at anything in particular like you ever you ever do any art of any kind or anything like that? I guess I have I'll sometimes collect plants and then I will draw them and try to make them with as much like each other Okay, you come home and your hushman has an inversion table.
I Love it Rachel congratulations. You started in February. You're very likable very charismatic Cheryl see around there is Rachel Oaks everybody Here have a joke book. That's from the great bones.
I That's a that's a real handmade leather joke book by a real artist that makes joke books Formerly a taxidermist so I mean he's still a taxidermist but he also makes shit out of leather look up on Instagram I'm the name at bones. I with a Z in the middle alright makes me spirit next comedian Dallas Briggs everyone Dallas Briggs Lot of people get custom stuff from bones. I like a yeah Alright One more time makes a noise for Dallas Briggs Hey, hi, thanks So I was walking out of the grocery store the other day and I I saw that I saw this big fat home wasman I feel real bad for him. You know I decided help him out.
I gave him a couple bucks I said here you go buddy go get yourself some crack and I know I know you're not you're not supposed to do that You're not supposed to give him money for crack you're supposed to go out and buy the crack and then give the crack directly to them So that they don't spend the money on food I had places to be It's my first time in Texas. My name really is Dallas. I tell people my name is Dallas and they go are you from Dallas? And I'm like no, that's not how people name kids Yeah, I've been in Dallas for today, and I'm like they couldn't name me Tyler or Austin I mean I'm glad they didn't go with fucking pile but Dallas Briggs fuck.
Yeah First of all cool name Welcome to the show thanks. So where are you from you said is your first time to Texas? Yeah, I'm from Utah grew up in southern Utah. I live in Salt Lake right now.
Okay. All right Salt Lake's fun You perform at wise guys. Yeah, I don't see a couple shows there last weekend Okay, and how long have you been on stand up about four years now four years look at you you love it, right? Why do you think that's your answer?
I mean I've had I've met people that I love my best friends in the whole world I've met through doing stand-up, so I love that aspect of it, but you know Do you make money doing it? What do you do for a living? I do audio video for events. I travel around that's on here Okay, yeah, all right, and what do other things you have planned on your trip to Texas?
I'm just in San Antonio. My friends were gonna pest control gig for the next couple days. So we're just gonna hang out there a Pest control gig. Yeah, he works a pest control gig Who's your roommate?
No, he's not used to live with him. He's just an old high school friend All right, yeah, and he like goes and sprays like shit. Yeah, he goes in sprays houses. Okay Tony, do you know what pussy magnets pest control guys are?
I could picture that I could see how that would be No, I do I mean I'm doing it now obviously yeah, you seem sort of angry about it I don't know what else to do You play any instruments or anything like that. Yeah, I play bass and saxophone and clarinet Wow You just love naming instruments. We don't have huh? You don't have a bass.
Yes. It's funny. You mentioned Tony. I played the bassoon Yeah, you know it's scary a comic that hates doing what he does with a backpack on Yeah, you know You backpack from Utah to get here now I flew you didn't have to really answer that You had good jokes for somebody doesn't like what you're doing.
Yeah for sure. Yeah for years in you're doing jokes Absolutely. Tell us more about your actual life Dallas. What about you or your parents or your family or your history or something?
I thought fact about Dallas Briggs that would surprise us a fun I had to stick your torsion a couple years ago. Whoa Oh That's a you got your nuts twisted. Huh? You got your nuts all twisted in a bunch just the one just the righty wait So what happens it was just did its own thing?
What did it do? I mean I don't really know I woke up at like four in the morning You didn't ask what happened to your balls? Well, I mean I know I don't know how it happened What happens is your is your vein gets twisted and cuts off the blood flow to the nut Oh my god, and then it swells up like a big little hot. I got a video if you know that Maybe we do yeah, that's your not that's comedy Wow, so what did they have to do they cut my nuts open and Straightened out the vein and so do back up is it like a pistachio?
Do they like crack it down the middle or something like that? No, I got a scar right beneath the base of my shaft is where they went in can we see it in the name? Yeah, if you want is that legal no now, I'm not gonna do that I mean I have the video if you want to see the video right well We'll send it to red band after the show. They also we'll put it into the YouTube version of it That's like blurry with that.
What do they call that blurry stuff or? Have you ever thought about being a motivational speaker? No, but that is a bizarre occupation now that I think of it. You don't have to answer everything Yeah, yeah Well that hasn't happened since the well, I mean it happened the week of and so they knew damn You have like stitches.
Yeah, the doctor told me they said don't jerk off or have sex for a week and I did both twice in that week Wow, look at you from bustin nuts a bustin stitches over here You couldn't just wait a little bit no, I don't know I don't always know which questions to answer I'm how much do you jerk off per day on average right now per day on average about once it depends sometimes? I don't have time with the job. It's takes up a lot of time and all that but You see what stitches you had stitches below the base of your shaft and above your balls not above the but on the balls It's right where the shaft meets the sack They were like the self-dissolving ones, so the suture just dissolved So I didn't have to like go in and get the city taken out Do you think that perhaps your balls or base of your penis snitched on somebody at some point for them to have to get stitches? Stupid It's an off night for me.
All right. I'm letting rich run the fucking thing. All right, no I mean compare compared to Anthony Bourdain you seem happy Wait, what how did we bring in innocent great Anthony Bourdain in all this no I love it Does anyone ever told you that you look like if John Snow had leukemia? No, I'm not what I would say if I had to say should I let the hair down is that a better look?
Oh shit What's it gonna be now? Whoa? Whoa? It's Jesus Christ with leukemia everybody.
I do get Jesus a lot I have dressed up as Jesus. It's a lot of fun Dallas good set. Welcome to kill Tony. You did it.
You survived take a big joke book That's from the great bones. I let's keep it moving along here It's got another bucket pull up here. See what happens Eddie Mac is next here live kill Tony Austin, Texas How many like it when comedians do good on the show? How many like it when Canadians do bad on the show One more time for Eddie Mac everybody here.
He is Eddie Yeah, so I my name is Eddie. I'm from Ireland in case of us an obvious from the red hair and the pale skin So I'm half Irish half black because I guess black is a nationality now My father is from Ireland and my mother is from black I grew up I grew up Catholic I had to quit being a Catholic and when I found out that my priest was a racist Yeah, it turns out he was only fucking the white kids Guys relax relax relax. I'm joking. I'm joking.
I'm joking. Of course. I'm joking guys He fucked me as well. How much time I got?
Okay, five seconds left. He's ending the set Eddie Matt welcome welcome The people love you to be honest with you sort of sad I was distracted running the show behind the scenes for your entire set So I have no idea what you did, but I know that you did really fucking good. So congratulations Hell yeah, at least the audience likes you. They might have a bad sense of humor though.
I'm not exactly sure They haven't won me over completely yet. Do you always perform with headphones on right? Do you always perform with headphones on? No, I just got called up in a rush, sir Right because those look like they look like they actually need a wire connected to them to work They don't look like Bluetooth.
Am I correct? You're familiar with blue suit. Yes That's not nobody has to nobody asked that I know I'm familiar with Bluetooth Thank you. What I asked was those look like the kind of headphones that you need to actually Plug a thing into or those JBL Bluetooth headphones that I exactly what they are telling you.
Very good. Yes Has anyone ever told you you look like a young Rocky my avia not the rock Rocky my avia. That's years before he became the rock It's just for pro wrestling fans imagine if we get you on enough fucking testosterone and clean you up Get you some fucking Disney money and an end is a line We will make you the rock in no time. We could make you the rock.
I've seen a before I was a pro wrestling fan before the rock was the rock he was Rocky my avia and he came out if you smell the rock is cooking And he had fucking headphones on It doesn't bring DNA so amazing you're you're a half black and Irish. Yeah, I'm a black and I'm really black but I'm lighter than you That's kind of folks Willie Willie. What would you call somebody who's half black and half Irish? I Look at him.
Wow. This is what we do this old-school comedy store fucking Jedi Harlem Globetrotter fucking Jordan Pimpin That was teamwork there because that was written by rich boss. Yeah But he couldn't say it And the joke was so good that I had to find a way to get there You can't get canceled you didn't say And If you want to cancel somebody for that it is Willie Hunter. I know but Willie I And I think is I could have said it because you can't hurt my career anymore I did you do stand up in Ireland.
No, sir. I came up in Czech Republic. Oh, yeah, that was my second question The fuck hell yeah, how long are you in the Czech Republic for approximately three years? Wow look the Irish came out there Say the number three again Oh My Irish All right, I'm not really known for my impressions.
All right, we all have different skill stats My reach you know what I think this is all bullshit say acts acts all right Oh, yes, I just answer myself I Believe I brought you up to that credit. I love it, man. You're a real talent. How long even on stand up a bit over a year It's hard to tell the code would say okay.
What do you do for work? Stand up comedy, sir. Oh, that's what that makes sense. Okay, if you can make a living doing it I think I think you're like if Trevor Noah was funny, so I think I see a lot in your future The horse of truth has been activated all right, so what else about you?
What do you do for fun or something for phone? I like playing a lot of music really what kind of music do you play? Well, it's a mixture of all genres. I play a lot of piano a fair bit of bass.
I'm trying to learn guitar at the moment shit Yeah, how long you been playing piano for? Since before I could walk really holy shit god damn I mean John what do you think about this? Can we get a little something you think? I know it's a big deal We're in Austin, Texas the music capital hold on all right The music capital of the world.
It's a big deal for a professional musician to let somebody use their stuff, so I Yeah, here he is making his sister first time playing music in Austin you say moved here. I don't remember here He is Eddie Mac everybody Brown dance you can tell by the way plays he is indeed half white how are your balls that was good touch that was good Incredible I just I that must the ladies must love that right sometimes you're like Bruno sub-pars What's the longest that you've ever done I Love to have you open up for the secret show Wednesday. Whoa Wednesday night. You just got a real comedy gig and here Take one of these two that's a real Texas leather joke book there he goes Eddie Mac everybody There he goes Eddie Mac dreams coming true here live in front of your very very very own faces All right, we have another regular on this show Ladies and gentlemen this guy made a regular just a couple months ago only performs when David Lucas isn't here and we've been watching Some is some highs and lows.
It's always interesting. You never know what you're gonna get from the great LSH everybody That's a tiny Western therapy Look I'm getting older man. I'm not into the same shit that I used to be into you know like like road head I don't like that it's dangerous, especially especially when your girl driving you feel me, you know She out here swerving and shit. I ain't stop.
I'm feeling a lot of teeth, baby. You know you ain't trying to feel no carrot Man, but you know she kept going she went through three schools all the girls are keeper unlike my ex You know saying she's a dirty bitch, but ladies and gentlemen the signs were there You know she told me you don't want to date me. I got really bad anxiety But instead of like heating the one and I'm all horny and shit like you got anxiety What you all don't know bitch? But y'all that bitch had bad anxiety.
I mean her service dog needed a service dog every time I seen the mother fuck you You look like you need a cigarette, dude. Oh, yeah Fuck yeah, you did it again. How do you feel about that? It was good.
It was good. It was good. It was good. It was been in last week.
Hell yeah What's what else has been going on in life? What do you been doing this week since the last time we saw you? Man, I'm just trying to I'm looking at you getting a new job. Yeah.
Yeah What are you looking for? What kind of job do you want? What are you good at? I'll get you a job right now guaranteed.
I'll get you hired from somebody in the audience right now Just tell me what you want to do. Well, I graduated with a BFA in theater with a minor in mass communication with a folks Electron media BFA. What's that a big fucking ass? I Do I do I do have a relatively big booty and I'm friendly.
I would not make it in jail. I would be someone's girlfriend by accident. Absolutely Hell yeah, hundred percent is going any strobin all the shampoo conditioner and the soap I love buying jewelry and I have a look high and look where can I get a rubber band bracelet like that? Walmart is like He does you Ellis.
I mean you always set us up. It's always interesting. You have the worst style out of anybody Anybody I ain't got shit to prove up here Well, yeah, you do what the fuck are you talking about? That's exactly what you have to prove up Your style so bad it just I'll be getting off work dude Like I'll be driving I'm like fuck I gotta go kill Tony and I just don't change I just didn't have a job No, but I'm gonna switch I'm gonna quit because the gas is too high so what job you want You didn't answer the question you have a BFA and something and what in theater arts?
Oh, that's perfect Yeah, yeah, there's no better money-making industry in the world any theater arts good job. Is that where they taught you how to dress? All right, anyway, uh, can you joke do a scene from from Shakespeare do the tempest yeah, let's see Let's see let's do the tempest like series most bounteous lady Not bad, right? I was gonna reenact coup d'etain.
Can you what a time baby? I'm just fucking right on Can you show us a little bit of your theater training seriously like we know that you're an actor we talked about it before What are you gonna do? What's the character like what should we look for? What's the emotion?
What the fuck are you talking about? I don't want to do this shit. Why Whoa, I'm dead ass. I think it's a fucking day That was my William Montgomery impression All right, this is good Yeah, there was a second there was a second where I'm like oh no, I was nervous and then I'm like oh, he's good Holy I there's 500 white people here that got scared.
Yeah All right By the way our side from now that we were talking out of the on our side. Okay, um wow That was good Alice. Can you do any characters other than a mad and ready for revenge? I could I could do I could be Irish Okay Stop the morning.
Oh my god Irish and Jay incredible more like bottom of the morning. Am I right? Hell yeah, that's a bad Irish. I can't believe that's your number two.
Yeah I'll do a little bit of cock play. You know saying like I came over. We've got a little black pudding. Is anybody from Winchester?
Nobody fuck out here. You some loin if I heard that you out in public going that I'd be like It's guys doing a fake accent Hell yeah, but you did you have a degree in acting. Yeah, wow Like it's all this money and it's just like following my dreams, but I'm just broken shit But I would really are you are you are you are like negative $35 and shit? Like I gotta go fund me for me Like I was looking at your roman eating ribs with him and I said I'm still broke his shit I'm like broke by regular people standards like somebody at Domino's like you need to get your shit together Yeah, but you know I'm rich in spirit.
So that Oh, wow look at that looks like you're in the plus We just got word he just bought a new bracelet with it Yeah, it's a joke about the rubber band from earlier not about how he's black and they spend their money quickly Right people all right. I'll be taking donations. Oh Listen, please, please God don't OD with the money I gave you I don't know man. I love coat man.
So I might buy me a 12 pack tonight. Oh, you son of a bitch out there Have you ever thought about like moving to LA or New York to like really get into acting hardcore? Cuz I'm sure it's hard to do it here. Yeah, um, I don't know I just don't like LA dirty, but I want to go to Atlanta eventually sometime Where oh geez for those shows.
Yeah What what does that mean? What did you say? I missed it? No walking dead.
Okay, I'll give you that right that was Alice you are so charismatic so likable you dress like you had no idea that you were going to be on the show tonight It's incredible how incredibly unprofessional. Yes, that is and you definitely can do the Corey Hokem story These guys don't know that show. It's a good one. Do some research Would you work for Tyler Perry?
Yeah, I will but I put on a dress for nobody I'm not fucking around. They give me my $10 back No, go buy some socks. How about one more time for the great Alice H everybody. Hey God bless We're having fun here tonight Back to the bucket we go up next Ant Perez Ant Perez Hell yeah All right one more time for Ant Perez everybody What's up everybody?
I know y'all heard the last name Perez thought the guy coming up here will be more Hispanic than this but Surprise. I'm just quarter Rican one fourth. It's a little bait and switch for you. I'm just sort of Rican, you know I could probably use a little more to recon if we're being honest Like my biggest beef with ice is when it's in my orange juice, you know Like on the type of Hispanic that like Disney would cast in a movie about Mexico, you know, I I Used to love Valentine's Day I thought I was conceived on Valentine's Day and I recently found out that that's not the case I was actually conceived at some point between February 1st and 9th, so no Valentine's baby I was just a Super Bowl baby.
How about that, you know? Yeah in the 90s at that it's like the Buffalo Bills and my mom we're gonna spend at the same time Ant Perez ladies and gentlemen A&T Perez Welcome and how are you I'm great. Hell yeah, how long been on stand up just under a year and a half sweet all of it here in Austin No, I'm actually in town with some buddies from Virginia. Oh, okay.
How long you guys in town for? We came in yesterday. We're saying for about a week and a half. Okay.
Do you guys drive down here? No? We flew right from Virginia. What do you do in Virginia?
I work I sell phones All right Like roger eyes the guy you suffer who anyway? Virginia rotary phones for jnf joke. All right, okay. What kind of phones are we talking about?
Smart phones right. Well, why would any of the human need to sell those? What do you mean? What exactly are you doing?
You're gonna like hey, you need a phone you need a phone? No, you work for a specific company like a carrier Yeah, it's like a Verizon retailer. Okay. Gotcha.
But it's not we know it's not Verizon. It's not corporate. It's not so it's T-Mobile cricket No, it's okay. I love it.
Even when stand up for a year and a half. Yeah, okay, and your friends from Virginia They all do stand up to yeah, we also end up tonight. Oh, okay part of the Virginia gang All right, what what airline did you guys fly? United United?
Do you notice anything weird about their policies? Yeah, they played like a safety video on like what to do in case of an emergency before we get on but like I don't you know What am I supposed to do? Well, that's exactly what they're explaining to you in that video If you simply would have paid attention to the video they actually literally That is a fucked up plane to be on right if there's an emergency fucking from Virginia What am I supposed to do? Interesting did you notice a lot of like with like dumb people on your flight?
I mean Yeah It's interesting because you have a very very smart face You have the face of a guy that like runs his own phone company or something like that You have like the comfort level you have like CEO energies. Yeah, sort of you have like weird techie like you look like every guy That's here for South by Southwest Yeah, but but your haircut you look like a Roman nickel When when you go down on a girl and you go I bring you news from the north Like that we're all laughing about rich thinking this guy goes down on girls, right? Are we all laughing at the same thing? Actually, you could do if a plane is crashing do your material so they don't they don't care about dying.
Oh my god I'm only kidding. It was great. Yeah What's the Virginia comedy scene like I never performed at a floor? It's cool I mean we have a couple clubs out there.
I'm out closer to Virginia Beach, so Out there by Virginia Beach. What's the name of that comedy club? There's a funny bone out there. Oh wow, okay?
Alright, and you work for a phone carrier. What do you do for fun out in Virginia? What you guys do like a rea rea rea Enacta confederate battle or whatever. No, that's that's rich men of Virginia Beach Okay, I just I do stuff man.
I go out penguin comics do what type of stuff just out of carryouts If you like like all if I shoot guns I light off a lot of illegal fireworks. No, I What do you do watch sports? I don't really play them anymore. No shit.
Yeah, right? What sports did you play? I actually I used to race if you call that a sport like cars. Oh, okay?
I thought you were talking about foot race for a second. I'm not right fast stock cars Wow How'd you get into that? My dad had a lot of money and then when I started doing racing he didn't have a lot of money so I What happened there? How did you have a lot of money and then not a lot of money?
I crashed the car. Oh We put all of his money into that car. Yeah, I did. That's what you think a lot of money is yeah It might be cricket after all my friend might be cricket after you know what?
Yeah, you might not have crashed a car if you listen to the instructions before you got in it God damn it. Well, we were rich before this. I'll let you take out my stock art that I'm gonna now. We're not reaching no mo That's where I got we were rich Your dad invested in a stock art.
What's your dad do for work? He has his own business. He does like siding roofing stuff like that. Okay, absolutely What is your love life like ants?
We all want to know it's all right? I have two kids whoa Oh, I guess that are they on the way or those twins that yeah? I know what it's like that. I know they're parents.
No. Yeah, they're aware How are your kids seven and four Wow, okay, and you're still with the mom. No. Okay, so mom We're just not together.
Okay. What did how did that end? Oh, you know break up. Yeah, got that got that He's so big about everything Just short answers like yeah, was she cheating on you?
No I don't look like the bad guy. Oh shit. It is you Wow look at you from cricket to stick it Can you feel me now? You see your kids regularly right you get to see him.
Yeah, I get on it's great every weekend No stuff for last weekend cuz I was here. Yeah, you don't bring him to your shows right now I mean I know you don't want to damage him like that That's good, you know what cuz I was divorced from my first right and this is real everything else is bullshit Just be with your kids as much as you can maybe not you know take a year or 15 years off of comedy and Raise your kids, you know what I mean and give me a coffee And I love it and how about since then you are you dating anybody new? Guy is a 10 in Virginia by the way, I don't think I've been a Virginia This is like a stud like the Tom Cruise of Virginia Beach right here I love it and congratulations fun set And take one of these a little joke books hell yeah something to take back to Virginia It's for lovers seven and four though that those little joke books are choking hazard be careful around the kids I thought that was funny just to show you how different we all are I thought the choking hazard alright Emilio Baboff Babitch Emilio Babbit perhaps could be a tea could be an app here comes Emilio Here he is one more time for Emilio everybody Hey, what's going on? I've been taking a lot about rapists recently You know we like we keep him in jail, but I think we could do better I think there's like a better place we could keep rapists, you know like what if we what if we locked him up in bank vaults You know that way if you try to rob the bank you get raped I'm awesome.
I hate Houston. You know fuck Houston fuck Houston. Oh My fucking hate Houston. I was actually reading an article about Houston and I had to do with farts You know how when you fart and it smells really bad for a few seconds and then it doesn't smell so bad Well the science behind that is if you fart actually it takes about three seconds for it to go to Houston All right, there you go Emilio Babbit everybody hell yeah Emilio welcome to the show.
Have you been on before? Yeah, I was I was a Bernad last time. Oh, okay. Hell yeah.
Yeah. Okay. Oh wow. You must be I thought you were the prime minister of England for a second I'm a joke earlier today on Instagram.
You should have done it. Oh, I got in this room. You should have done it here I know I didn't have enough time. I also don't know if you call it.
Let me ask you this if you called yourself red shearing yet That's what I mean because you're a slightly chubby or ed shear Good. How about this one? Have you ever thought about calling yourself Ringel shirt Nick Jenkins? What the fuck did you use that shirt to like wrap a present in a gift bag or something?
Like I used it is like something like put a candle in a bag and I'm like is like oh, dude shirt Oh fuck yeah Clowny ass mother fucker look at this guy. It's just like a bull fucking jolly green giant over here Look at this fucking vitamin D deficient fucking Looking at your complexion are you part scallop my mom is mashed potatoes Jesus Christ on a black man talking about you I'm half Cuban and so in the winters I'll get really white and I went out to tanned this year and it just didn't happen. I just got real There you go your half Cuban. Yeah, I just I mean I guess yeah somebody lied to you Mama lied a little bit maybe Emilio babbitt.
What do you do for work? I'm a waitress. Oh, okay? Yeah All right, how long you been doing that?
Like I don't know a lot of people years months months. Okay. What'd you do before that? Cook in restaurants.
Yeah a lot of the people in the restaurant industry are alcoholic sex addicts Have you noticed this to be true in your instance? No? Is that like a fun supposed to be a funny sarcastic? No, because we're doing it right now.
So I'm trying to stack your actual answer No, that's a sarcastic yes. Okay, very good. That's better. Yeah, so can you give us an example of that in your life alcohol sex addict?
No Okay, this is the first time that Emilio has ever seen a show that has interviews on it before this is very exciting Are you known for your ad-libbing? Absolutely not known very structured comment very familiar. Have you seen a new bad-end movie? I have any I want to you Look like I got a shot at the one of me I would get nervous if you walked in the theater with me Sorry the new screen movie you have the exact same complexion as the bad guy The mask Guys your little brother know you have his shirt on Emilio what do you like to do for fun?
Comedy other than that So boring literally if we tried to create a more boring like you look like you'd be interesting as fuck then you come up here You're like don't want to answer that next. I don't want anything Jen Psaki. What's that chick's name? Saki?
What's that the? Jen Saki is that how you say it you don't say the P at all? She's the worst anyway, it doesn't matter. Just we're just getting to the point you're the worst.
Oh, sorry All right, is there anything interesting that you want to say before I let you go? You saw the rest of the show you see all people tell me things and they're like I do this and I did this and I did this I'm so good at it. Right. I'm just I'm bad at living.
It's not even ad-libbing I'm answering fucking questions in person literally anybody in the audience could do a better job Oh the part that you're supposed to do right now I'm trying to protect myself The comedian's do a minute and then I interview that you come up here you just do a minute and you go no I'm sorry. I'm just I don't want to give you anything It'll just roast me if I give you anything. Okay, and you're just here to fucking look at some ayes, please Nope There goes Emilio everybody Emilio already has a small joke book. I'm sure of it We're gonna keep it moving along.
Should we go to this bucket one more time, huh? Actually, maybe we'll go back to it again actually Dave Barrowski is the next on Till Tony. No Here we go. I feel like things are about to pick up here.
You guys having fun still Next to noise for Dave Barrowski Hi guys, my name is Dave and I have a very dark sense of humor Think about a dark sense of humor very similar to an abuse free childhood Not everybody gets it a lot of good childhoods in the crowd tonight. All right. I don't like dirty talk during sex Kid should have manners So I moved to a new city because I was about to have a son, but he died so even my kids goes to me So my parents are pastors. It's usually the reaction I get from that statement.
Yeah, people are like are they Catholic? I'm like no don't ask like they couldn't be married in both past three together. Let me don't worry I was still raped but my parents there are some of the good ones, you know So I used to date this Japanese girl She's real cute real kiwai Some might say a little aggressive though basically decided she wanted to move right in So I had to sit her down to be like hey I don't think we should see each other anymore. She'd really take the hint So I had to drop the bomb on her a second time There you go.
You can get to that quicker. I love it We got to find a way for you to get to that quicker because that's a really good joke. I like that. Thank you That's really really funny long setup.
I was scared the bear was gonna cut you off there I was a little worried about it. You're funny funny. You're one of the funniest lesbians we've ever had on this show. I Love it Dave you look like you're here to cancel Joe Rogan I'm here to steal your Joker painting on the roof.
I love it. I love it. I love it. It's on a mural So you technically can't steal it a lot of chipping.
Oh, there's a Joe right now Joe is phoning And he does this sometimes out from his castle across the lake Joe. What do you think? What do you think about this guy's act? Well, there you go And which is funny because you actually wrote that song right?
I am Joe everybody look at that. Yeah, yeah interesting hair do what do you do for work? I'm a bartender. Oh, wow, okay We're at anywhere cool.
I have yet to completely land a job here in Austin But I just I've literally been here for like 10 days from what I've already won a bartender You like a fast-paced bartender. You're like more like one of those like chill guys Well, I mean the job I had right before the pandemic which just destroyed the bar scene and comedy scene in Philadelphia It's like 1984 up there now. Yeah, I know this but that pandemic crushed a lot of scenes everywhere Yeah, well, just also the one that I happen to be in yeah, but yeah I was the one that everyone else was in to also that yeah Yeah, I guess the country shut down for a bit there. Yeah, for like I don't know you know this but the pandemic really I'm like the arts in in Philly We know I know but I was like like you know beverage director for a craft whiskey distillery So like craft cocktail kind of stuff is what I was doing for like the past eight years, okay, okay very cool Red band thinks that's where the other theme from Indiana Jones everybody right old bartending music everyone you say whiskey He thinks Indiana Jones.
Oh Because he's last showing up the microphone core That's funny that's funny red band. How about a hand for red band everybody? Fun Dave Barrowski so you're currently unemployed. What are you doing in Austin if you're unemployed?
How's it? I came down here to get a job at a bar and do comedy. How long ago? Do you move here like ten days Wow ten days and you already have a place to live?
Yeah? Well, I mean today how to do that? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. What's your living situation right?
I live in an apartment and Riverside right? Do you have roommates? I do I have my me my best friend came down with our two cats who are also best friends It's fucking adorable. Oh, how many cats did you bring just the one really yeah?
Yeah, so there's three cats all living with each other wait did I just miss something Boy or girl I have a boy cat named Dick Grayson because he was a beat up little orphan when I got him and now he's my young Wart I was talking about the roommate these cat people these cat people I'm a your roommate your roommate a boy or well my first kitten a young Dick Grayson the third Lord Smithal Roy of Uncle Roy. Well, you may have heard of him. He has nine fingers on each hand In him my favorite thing is sometimes he knocks over the box of cereal in the morning. He's cat people always No, I look at my best friend Andrew.
Yeah, so he's I got you as a penis Right, nah nah nah. I have a question for you. Okay. I don't know because I've never tried to get a job And you isn't harder to get a job with green hair is Right now like they like that.
I look cool and shit. That's a matter of opinion. I Truly and you have some good jokes. I truly truly was uncomfortable Why you But like what specifically rich is from you rich is a real New Yorker.
No, like a real like tough East Coast like it is hat No, I got it as a fucking I know I know I love your with comedy. He's great. I'm not gonna fuck him. I know No, they were funny.
I don't know what it is. You're you're likable. Okay, I guess if I was in the SS It really is you look like one of the little kids that they put out right at the end in World War 2 Just to take fucking Russian bombs right to the skull Jesus fucking Christ. I mean there were people like that Look like you yeah, that's fair Dave.
What do you do for fun other than stand-up comedy? I mean I drink a lot and play video games mostly and do a podcast, you know that stuff You ever make horrible decisions when you drink all the time? I can you give us an example of one recently? Well, so this is funny.
So this is not Saturday. I For sure got dosed with LSD by an evil hippie. Okay I mean with a haircut like that you're literally asking for it That's why I don't go around with my glow stick collection at nighttime I don't want to get dosed by somebody that thinks I want that yeah a lot a lot of evil hippies here in Austin It's wild dude. Yeah, they're the angry ones.
That's what's weird back in my day Hippies used to be the peaceful ones now. They're the ones causing all the ruckus. Yeah. Yeah, I was trying to answer my friends and shit No, I was trying to find where to do like a like a mic and you know like went to the bathroom There's like a table evil hippies, you know like oh you're comic all that's so cool And I came back finished my beer and then about 40 minutes later.