665. The Secret to Being Authentic Is Undoing Everything

Are you attracting the right people or stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing? In this candid recap, Lesley Logan and Brad Crowell dig into the highlights from the recent interview with Barb Betts, a powerhouse keynote speaker and author of The Relationship Advantage. With over 20 years of expertise, Barb’s insights on choosing genuine connections over surface-level relationships will transform your perspective on your own identity. This episode explores the provocative idea that authenticity isn't about "doing" something new, but rather "undoing" the layers that aren't actually you. 

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast https://lesleylogan.co/podcast/. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] mailto:[email protected].

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In this episode you will learn about:

• Building a relationship with yourself before connecting with others. 
• Stop people-pleasing by undoing everything that is not you.
• Replace envy with curiosity to escape the comparison trap. 
• Apply visibility, vulnerability, and relatability to build real trust. 
• Release relationships that require you to show up inauthentically. 

Episode References/Links:

• Pilates On Tour® (London, UK) - xxll.co/pot      
• OPC Spring Training (Virtual Event) - opc.me/events   
• eLevate Mentorship Program - lesleylogan.co/elevate   
• Submit your questions or wins - beitpod.com/questions
• Barb Betts Website - https://www.barbbetts.com
• The Relationship Advantage by Barb Betts - https://therelationshipadvantagebook.com
• Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix Ph.D. - https://a.co/d/0dGm43Y3

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Resources:

• Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq08HES7xLMvVa3Fy5DR8-g
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Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

If you're not clear on who you are, you actually fill in these gaps you people, please, and then you're wondering, like, why you have relationships that, like, don't represent you, or don't feel right or don't fit, it's because you didn't know who you were, and you you brought that on yourself. 

Lesley Logan 0:14  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

Lesley Logan 0:56  

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It interview recap where my co-host in life, Brad, and I are going to dig into the candid convo I had with Barb Betts in the last episode. If you haven't listened to that one, you didn't hear it, and you're not gonna understand what we're talking about, but.  

Brad Crowell 1:09  

Well that's true. If they didn't listen to it, then they didn't hear it. 

Lesley Logan 1:11  

Well, we're thrilled you're here. So if this you might, this might be the first, Be It hot episode.

Brad Crowell 1:17  

We're so happy that you're here. 

Lesley Logan 1:18  

You know, it's taken 665 episodes. We didn't realize maybe this is the first one, and that's why you didn't listen to it. And I shouldn't say you fucking missed out, because, like, you're new. How would you know? So welcome. This is not what my voice normally sounds like. It doesn't normally sound like I'm on the brink of a sneeze, but I have a sinus stitch, and here we are. We are gonna while you're listening to this, we are in Europe, and we have to record these things early, and so we can't wait any longer. This is how it's gonna be. So stick around.

Brad Crowell 1:46  

That's true. 

Lesley Logan 1:46  

It does get better than this. It's basically just it sounds less Lesley. Today is April 9th, and it's National Unicorn Day. 

Brad Crowell 1:53  

That's right.

Lesley Logan 1:54  

You're fucking welcome.

Brad Crowell 1:54  

You are very welcome. National Unicorn Day.

Lesley Logan 1:57  

There are other days that we can celebrate. But, I mean, come on, hello. National Unicorn Day is a day to celebrate the most popular mythical creature ever. Why? Because if we don't take time to celebrate a beautiful horn, rainbow, printed mythical creature, then we're most definitely missing a trick. I don't think it's trick. You've been missing out. 

Brad Crowell 2:17  

You're missing out.

Lesley Logan 2:17  

You're missing out. It's missing out. The unicorn is a symbol of happiness, fantasy and wonder. It's an icon of color, of childlike splendor and magic. They often make appearances on birthday cakes and children's clothing. And let's be honest, quite a lot of US adults still dig them, too. I mean, hello, my Lisa Frank people. My Lisa Frank people, I love you probably have as a tattoo, because adults need stickers too. National Unicorn Day is your chance to express some unicorn love. So show some color and delve into the magnificence of unicorns with us.

Brad Crowell 2:47  

No, we're saying that word one more time.

Lesley Logan 2:50  

Show some color and delve into the magnificence. 

Brad Crowell 2:54  

That is the word. Take three. Yes, you did two times. 

Lesley Logan 3:05  

Keep sake. Alright. Oh my gosh I wish you guys knew what I'm happy about. Anyways, leave it in. Delve into the magnificence. You guys, I have a bright yellow box, kind of like a pizza box size that my dad gave me a gift in and on my 41st birthday, maybe was my 40th birthday, probably, probably my 41st anyway, in front of everybody before I had ordered a drink. I just want to put that there. There's, we're at a bar, but I have not had a drink. So it's, we can't blame anything. We cannot blame it on anything. 

Lesley Logan 3:49  

My dad hands me this gift, and it has words on the front, and Brad goes, What does it say? And I said, it says, Keep sake. And Brad is looking at upside down.

Brad Crowell 3:57  

I was upside down, and I was like, Is that what it says? And I read it. And I was like, try again.

Lesley Logan 4:03  

I said, keep sake.

Brad Crowell 4:05  

Like, hello, I'm reading it. 

Lesley Logan 4:07  

I'm reading it. 

Brad Crowell 4:08  

Keep sake.

Lesley Logan 4:09  

And he's like, you want to try that one more time? And I'm like, it says, keep sake. And it's Brad said, what does it say babe?

Brad Crowell 4:16  

Definitely says keepsake. 

Lesley Logan 4:17  

Keepsake. 

Brad Crowell 4:18  

Yeah, but we'll go with keep sake.

Lesley Logan 4:19  

Now, anyone who was there understands how hilarious it was and signs off all text messages to me. Keep sake. I want to frame it so bad. I just don't know that I got to do it anyways. Keep sake. 

Lesley Logan 4:33  

All right, you guys. We're on vacation right now, so I don't know why you're not, but we are. We are somewhere in France, but we're going to see you very soon. If you are in London at POT check out.

Brad Crowell 4:43  

Yeah we're celebrating our 10th year anniversary, actually.

Lesley Logan 4:45  

Yes, we are. 

Brad Crowell 4:46  

Decided to take some time off. 

Lesley Logan 4:47  

It's actually the exact dates that we did our honeymoon 10 years ago. So, it is. We did it in March.

Brad Crowell 4:54  

Of 2016, holy cow.

Lesley Logan 4:56  

You didn't know I that's why I said it's our second honeymoon. Because it's the same time.

Brad Crowell 5:00  

You're totally right. It's 10 years after the first honeymoon. 

Lesley Logan 5:03  

I know. 

Brad Crowell 5:03  

Wow, amazing. I didn't even put that together. Incredible. Well, we are going to be in London next week. Or actually, hold on, today is the ninth so in like two or three days, we're gonna be at POT.

Lesley Logan 5:12  

No, we're literally on a train from Paris to London in this moment.

Brad Crowell 5:16  

Yes, in this exact moment, we are traveling underwater.

Lesley Logan 5:20  

That's what they say. So if you want to see us, if there's any tickets left, you want to go to.

Lesley Logan 5:24  

xxll.co/pot

Lesley Logan 5:26  

And it's just in case you're wondering, it's xx not excess, the letters. 

Brad Crowell 5:33  

Yes, as in kiss, kiss, hug, hug, xx and LL, because we thought that was cute. Okay, after that, we're heading back home. We're going to be back in Vegas for spring training. Spring Training is with onlinepilatesclasses.com we love to call it OPC and we do an annual event. Yeah, you know me, we do an annual, annual event. This is called Spring Training. And this year it's all about getting upside down.

Lesley Logan 5:57  

Yeah. OPC members, it's free for you.

Brad Crowell 6:00  

Free for OPC members.

Lesley Logan 6:01  

If you're not an OPC member, you are missing out. I'm just telling you. It really is for Pilates lovers. It really is one of the best things you could subscribe to, because you can do it in addition to your other things, like it doesn't have to be your only thing, but we actually give feedback on your form, like for exercise you're struggling with. We have a really amazing community that answers lots of questions. We can support you on the equipment choices, all that good stuff, and we help hold you a candle to your Pilates practice. And we do this fun event. It's free if you're a member, and it's not free if you're not a member, so then you have to pay for it if you're not a member, so you're gonna go to opc.me/events. To get on the waitlist for that. Actually, probably right now you can sign up for it. And I don't know how much it is on this date, but it's available for you to register for. If you go to opc.me/events it should direct you to where that is.

Brad Crowell 6:46  

Yes, opc.me/events

Lesley Logan 6:49  

And then at the time I'm recording this, there's five spots left in my mentorship program. Just five. It could be gone by now. I have no idea. Unless you want to go to lesleylogan.co/elevate if it's sold out, I'll say so on the website. And if it's not sold out, you can apply to be in the mentorship program. Once I've accepted all the applications and they have accepted their spots, it's you have to work on 2028. Oh, geez, that's far okay. 

Brad Crowell 7:16  

Oh, don't sit on it. 

Lesley Logan 7:17  

Oh, my God, do not. I don't wait that long to work with you. It's way too much fun.

Brad Crowell 7:21  

Yeah, right. Well, before we dig into this amazing conversation that you had with Barb Betts, we have a question. Today's question is from @marthanovera on YouTube, and she was commenting on the Teaching the Hundred to Beginners video. She said, Hey, amazing tips. Quick q, when preparing for roll ups, when you say you don't like arms holding behind the knees, would it be helpful to have the client let go and reach the arms forward as they curl to their lowest point? Would it be a useful prep for an actual roll up?

Lesley Logan 7:55  

Trying to picture what you're saying. Sorry, it's not you, Martha, it's it's my sinus medicine. 

Brad Crowell 8:01  

Okay, so. 

Lesley Logan 8:02  

I understand. 

Brad Crowell 8:03  

You do understand. 

Lesley Logan 8:04  

You're preparing for roll ups and I don't like when people hold behind the knees because they just use their arms, which is why I don't like it. I but I understand why a half roll up exists. I have it in my flash cards. I actually have information on how to best teach it. And if they're holding behind their thighs, like close to their knees, just wanna make sure that they're not using their arms to do it. But of course, they might need but, of course, they might need to. But is it helpful for them to reach forward as they curl their lowest point like so they let go? It could be, it might be extra to be honest. Here's the problem. People make Pilates too complicated. What I mean is like, okay, curl forward. Okay. Now, right there. Stop. Reach your arms forward and keep going.

Brad Crowell 8:41  

I think people like, whip up. They like, you know, to get up into that roll up. That's what I did at first, for sure.

Lesley Logan 8:48  

All right, so what I would say, Martha is, if they're not ready for the roll up, maybe we need to do other things. Maybe they need to do some pre Pilates work.

Brad Crowell 8:56  

Yeah, I was gonna say everybody's favorite elbow slip will really help with the roll up.

Lesley Logan 9:00  

That might even be too hard. Maybe they actually get. 

Brad Crowell 9:02  

It's really hard. 

Lesley Logan 9:03  

Honestly, look, if they don't have access to a Cadillac, that would be a bummer, because where I'm thinking they need to go is the half roll up with the roll back bar. Actually need to use the springs that help them go down and up, versus just working on themselves. I would also say stomach massage on the Reformer would be really great. I would say push down on the Wunda Chair can be really helpful. And if they don't have access to any of that equipment, Martha, then I would put them on the wall, and I'd practice the roll up at the wall. Clearly, something is tight and something is weak. So instead of trying to modify the roll up again and again until it's almost nothing, like the roll up, which is basically like borrowing cash off a credit card, which is the highest interest rate, makes it really hard to pay back whenever you use too much modifications. Are they ever going to be able to do the actual exercise? Ever, right? It's gonna take years, it's gonna take months. So I would say, put them at the wall and work on the roll down, up and down the wall. So they go put their back and then work on exercise that would stretch the front of their thighs and strengthen the back of their legs and then add the exercise back in. It's perfectly fine for them to skip it, get better at it. And I know that that sounds terrible. Sometimes people like I'm just trying to make Pilates accessible. I'm not saying don't make it accessible. What I'm saying is.

Brad Crowell 10:14  

Yeah, but there are building blocks here, and maybe you haven't built the foundation necessary to be able to do the roll up without either cheating or hurting someone, right, so.

Lesley Logan 10:22  

Correct and here's the other thing, you remember how. 

Brad Crowell 10:24  

Not that you're hurting them, but they could hurt themselves. 

Lesley Logan 10:26  

Training wheels work. They like, don't actually touch the ground. It's like, if you lean to one side, a training wheel touches the ground, right, catches you. Then I saw someone's training wheels that like, touch the ground, having training wheels that touch the ground on both sides. That kid is never riding a bicycle, ever. It's never gonna happen. So you have to actually make sure that you're not putting a tripod on a bike, versus actually something that will help them test the waters. 

Brad Crowell 10:51  

It's a great visual. 

Lesley Logan 10:52  

Thanks. I just came up with it. Now, how did I not think about that genius example? But another thing I'll just say is, like, not every exercise is for everybody at that time, and we have to understand that, like our job as the teachers who are teaching people is to make sure that we understand, by looking at a body what they're ready for, and then prepare them for what they're ready for. And for the clients, it is understanding that if you can't do an exercise yet, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It means that we actually have to find the connections to help you get there. And for whatever reason, this is completely normal at a gym. Like, no one would go, Oh, my God, I can't bench press. You've got to make this bar lighter. Rogue should make a lighter bar. No, they're like, here are some lighter dumbbells. Here is another way you could do push ups at the wall. There's like, all these different things. You take bands and you build up your flexibility and your abilities.

Brad Crowell 11:47  

It's like doing pull ups, right? Like, the same thing. This is a great these are great parallels.

Lesley Logan 11:50  

For whatever reason, at a gym, people are understanding that they have to build up their strength to do something. But in Pilates or even in yoga, I would argue, people are like, you should make the exercise possible, no.

Brad Crowell 12:00  

I mean, even when you are like, I can like, even when you're like, I got this, I can do a squat with 175 pounds. You don't, your first squat is not 175 pounds. You build up your bar to get to 175 pounds, even if you know you can already do it.

Lesley Logan 12:15  

Today, I Dave, I back squatted 120 pounds today. 

Brad Crowell 12:18  

Did you just call me Dave? 

Lesley Logan 12:20  

Babe. 

Brad Crowell 12:20  

Oh, babe. 

Lesley Logan 12:21  

What's this with the sinus infection sounds like Dave, but it's babe. Hey, babe. Hey, Dave, I back squat 120 pounds, which you know how much I started with? 

Brad Crowell 12:29  

Tell me. 

Lesley Logan 12:29  

65 pounds. Did three reps then I added 20 more pounds, 85 pounds, then I got to 105 and did six reps. Now I started my rounds, and I went to 110 then 115 120 why? Because you have to get your brain connected to it. And I just, I just want to say, like, for whatever reason, people like, oh, I have to make Pilates accessible to everybody. No, you have to make everybody ready for the exercise you're gonna give them. That is your job. If you're a teacher, that's your job. If you're a teacher, and if you're not doing that, then you're not helping people. You're just putting a tripod on their bike and going see you did it. You did Pilates. That, to me, is almost lying to them. Anyways. Now I'm on a ped, I'm on a fucking like.

Brad Crowell 13:06  

Now you're on your own tripod. 

Lesley Logan 13:08  

No, what do you call those things? I'm on a pedestal. I'm not pointing fingers at people, Martha, I just want to say also. 

Brad Crowell 13:14  

Your soapbox, you mean. 

Lesley Logan 13:15  

My soapbox. That's what I'm on. Telling you guys the day will hit. Martha, I appreciate this question. I know it comes from a place of love and wanting your clients to get it, and I love that you're trying to be creative, and so I hope I'm not. I hope you don't feel like I'm like, attacking you. I just, I want to give you different perspective of how to think about readying your clients, and I hope that gives you some.

Brad Crowell 13:34  

I like it. I like it. Well, that's a great question. Martha, thanks for writing that in and feel free to keep writing in questions. If you have a question, text it to us at 310-905-5534. We also love to celebrate wins. If you haven't, if it is your first episode tomorrow will be Fuck Yeah Friday, and that's gonna be amazing, so.

Lesley Logan 13:52  

One of, one of, one of the people who sent a win in, they're like, I don't know if it's qualifies. They're in one of our they're like, an eLevate grad and like, I know if it qualifies as a win, but I heard my win on the FYFs today that I sent in, and it's been months since I've had that win, and being able to hear it and recelebrate that is another win.

Brad Crowell 14:12  

Well, if you have either a win or a question, you can also send it in at beitpod.com/questions be it pod.com/questions and we can't wait to celebrate yours, so stick around. We will be right back. We're going to talk about Barb Betts. 

Brad Crowell 14:28  

Barb Betts is a keynote speaker, author and recovering real estate broker who turned an accidental speaking career into a full time role as a thought leader with over 20 years of experience, she helps professionals understand how relationships drive leadership, sales and long term success. She's the author of the relationship advantage, and is known for her practical, trust-centered approach to relationships, and I think her book has just come out. So we're really Barb. We've known Barb now for like, five or six years, and yeah, this is really exciting for her. So we're fired up.

Lesley Logan 14:59  

She's kicking ass.

Brad Crowell 15:00  

Yeah, fantastic. So one thing, oh, actually.

Lesley Logan 15:02  

It's my turn. 

Brad Crowell 15:03  

It's your turn. 

Lesley Logan 15:04  

I start. I always start. It's my turn. 

Brad Crowell 15:06  

It's your turn. 

Lesley Logan 15:06  

Yeah. She said, I love this so much. She said, to have a real relationship with anyone else, you first have to have relationship with yourself. You guys, this is like. 

Brad Crowell 15:14  

This is like, this is like, mic drop moment, boom.

Lesley Logan 15:17  

Y'all. This is, like, every time I have people in my life who complain about the people who are dating, gonna go, there's something wrong with you, because you, if you keep attracting people, like one of our friends today, I'm excited for them, but like, I saw online that they're just talking about, like, this is the third person that's ghosted me, and it's like, why do you people three people in a row ghost you like what are you putting out in the world? Because one person goes to okay, that like lightning strikes once in a while, but like, three there's something going on there. So she mentioned that relationships are a mirror of yourself, you're only capable of building a relationship with someone else to the capacity you have one with yourself. So she also argued the biggest problem we have in life is we're trying to build relationships with others, and we don't even know who we are. So we show up to these relationships. Inevitably, we people please and present an inauthentic version of ourselves. And I have a series coming up on I think it's listening to your inner self. And I brought up a book called Getting the Love You Want. And I also just want to say, I have no idea if it ages well. I have no idea if that person's like a real marriage counselor. But there's this thing about in the book that talks about how when you get into a new relationship with anybody.

Brad Crowell 16:28  

Harville Hendrix. 

Lesley Logan 16:30  

You, you fill in all of your holes, so to speak, you fill them in, but you think that the other person you're with fill them in, and then in a few months, when you're exhausted and tired, you don't fill them in anymore. And then you're like, you've changed. And it's like, actually, you changed because you were filling those things and you were presenting an inauthentic version of yourself. And so I just think that, like, what if you are someone who's wanting new friendships, new relationships, better clients, you know, Barb's big thing is that, like, if you have really great relationships, you can have great longevity in your business and things like that. But if you don't know who you are, you're not going to be attracting people that you want in your life, whether they're clients, friends, a romantic partner, any of that kind of stuff. You gotta know who yourself is.

Brad Crowell 17:07  

Harville Hendrix is a doctor. 

Lesley Logan 17:09  

Okay, great. 

Brad Crowell 17:10  

So they have a PhD. I have no idea in what, but it's Dr Hendrix. So yes. 

Lesley Logan 17:15  

Yeah, I remember it being great. I also only read the first chapter. I kind of got the point. Do you ever do that you're like. 

Brad Crowell 17:29  

I'm like, okay, got this chapter, I see where, yeah, this is like, ADHD. Am I finishing your sentences? How about I finish your book in the first, I'm like, got it.

Lesley Logan 17:39  

But, but I will just say, like, I appreciate that thought. And it comes to this, it's like, if you're not clear on who you are, you actually fill in these gaps, you people please. And then you're wondering, like, why you have relationships that, like, don't represent you, or don't feel right, or don't fit, it's because you didn't know who you were, and you you brought that on yourself.

Brad Crowell 17:57  

Yeah. Well, I got really into when she was kind of dissing the word authenticity, yeah, even though the irony is, she wants people to be authentic, and she also she acknowledged that, and she said that, but she said her big beef with it is the word authenticity is like so overused, and it's also under explored. And she said she critiques the common self-help mantra of just be yourself, you know? And she argues that to be is a verb, that the verb to be is inherently performative, right? Comparing it to deciding what to be for Halloween or when you grow up, right? So if we are going to, like, I think the Halloween parallel is perfect, like, I am going to be Iron Man for Halloween, and you're like, putting on a costume to be Iron Man for the night, but then we're also told to be authentic. And we're like, okay, I gotta, like, be authentic in this moment coming up right now, but like, in my real life, am I actually authentic, or am I putting on the costume of authenticity for this thing? I'm gonna go do whatever, right? And so I think that that was, like, that was really intriguing to me, because she said, that's, I think, how most people are thinking about it, like, okay, I got to put on my two my authenticity hat. Now, you know, she said, authenticity is not about doing anything. Authenticity is about undoing everything that is not you. 

Lesley Logan 19:16  

I love that, and I think that that makes it a lot easier.

Brad Crowell 19:18  

Another mic drop moment, like, I seriously, there was some, like, really deep stuff in this episode with Barb, and she was just casually throwing out these, like, epic topics. I was like, whoa. Let's dig into that more. She started talking about comparison, and she said, comparison is actually the thief of authenticity. When you're comparing, you are now all of a sudden, adding things into your life that are not you. But if authenticity is about undoing everything that isn't you, then comparison is really the number one trap. But if you compare yourself to someone else for different reasons, you're running a race, you cannot win. She advised that to we need to reframe comparison by replacing envy with curiosity, right, which I love. Wow. Look at them. How are they doing what they're doing? Yeah, you know, rather than feeling defeated by someone else's success, we should view them as showing us that there's a path that's possible, or maybe even literally showing us the path. Oh, I could do that too, right? You know, and how you could achieve it your own way. So I just thought it was powerful. Really, really concisely well said. 

Lesley Logan 20:19  

I mean, we've been listening to Barb talk about building great relationships for a really long time and so does that see her be able to put in a concise book that anyone because she does this on speaking. But when are you gonna go see or speak you'd have to be at one of those speaking places, right? And like, this is something anyone can use. And I think, like, I love the word authenticity, like it's a value that we have at our company, a value that I think is really important, but I agree with her, I is overused and under explored. It's kind of like the word Pilates. Gonna be really honest, it's very similar, like, I do Pilates, but most of the time, people tell me that I'm like, oh, and then I'm like, where do you do it? And they're like, I do it over this place. And I'm like, those aren't even reformers. Why is the room hot? What are we doing? Oh, and you're and your shoulders hurt later, you're not doing Pilates. But I don't want to be the person who tells them that, like, like, that's just an annoying thing. So I kind of feel like I understand, and I love Pilates, and I love being authentic. So I feel it's a predicament. I'm in a I'm in a conundrum.

Brad Crowell 21:20  

Conundrum. Yeah, it's something we have to remove. All right. Well, anyway, we will be right back. We're going to dig into some Be It Action Items that you covered with Barb Betts, stick around. 

Brad Crowell 21:30  

All right. So finally, let's talk about those Be It Action Items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Barb Betts. She said there are three things that have to be present to have a real relationship with others and even with yourself. She calls it the VVR formula, visibility, vulnerability and relatability. VVR. So visibility, are you actually showing up and being present? Visibility, are you actually showing up and being present. She links this to a really interesting law called propinquity, which I have never looked up and thought that was interesting. She said that the greater proximity increases the chance of a relationship. So if you're not in the room, you can't have a relationship.

Lesley Logan 22:15  

Oh, that's kind of like how Hinge, the dating app, used to start. It was based on if someone had ever been in a location that you've been to? That's how Chris and Laura got together. They both went to some area in Century City Mall, crazy. She shopped there, and his office was down there. And so they're like, you two are near each other some of the time. 

Brad Crowell 22:33  

Love that. Well, yeah. So visibility, obviously. Vulnerability is the second thing. And I thought, again, this was another really powerful thing. And she said, there has to be some level of vulnerability in your life with other human beings. So are you willing to say, I don't know the answer to that? Or text someone and just be like, Hey, I was just thinking about you. I miss you, right? And there's that is being vulnerable. And when you do that, it really does, like let them know that they're special, that they're they care. So you know, by being vulnerable, you're helping connect the dots, and it builds relationships. The third is relatable relatability. You have to have a point of connection or common ground. She believes that this is often something forced, that people are forcing right? I mean, you know, it's like, I think actually people who get in a relationship and they they say things like, Oh, we love the same music and movies and all this kind of stuff, but, like, that's the only things that are a part of it. There's got to be more the vulnerability is, like, super important, you know, and honesty and trust and, of course, all those other things. But relatability is a definitely the beginning. It will help jumpstart all these conversations and all these things, but you know, if you're forcing it, you're not being vulnerable.

Lesley Logan 23:52  

I mean, that's yeah, that's kind of it. 

Brad Crowell 23:54  

Yeah. She emphasized that if you don't have these three things, then you won't build a relationship.

Lesley Logan 23:59  

Yeah. I believe that. 

Brad Crowell 24:00  

Yeah, what about you? Big takeaway. 

Lesley Logan 24:02  

Okay, stop hiding. Let your walls down. Let people in. Admit you're not perfect. Admit where you know your vulnerabilities are. Pay attention to how you feel on social media. Pay attention to what you're looking out and how you're comparing yourself to others. I mean, these are great things to like even journal on. They kind of help with what you were talking about before, first of all, if you're listening to this podcast, you're already admitting you're not perfect. You've been listening to us. I sound like a fucking shit right now. I sound like a Bakewell. But I also think, like, when you admit those things, it you don't have to pretend, and you you can just, it doesn't mean you get to like, it's like a bus pass to like, being an asshole, but you can just be like, like, I am not an organized person. I'm not I It's not something I'm going to learn to do. I put things down. I don't put them away. I'm not a dirty person. I'm a messy person, you know. So I that means I have to know that those are my things, and I need people in my life who will put things away or keep things out of my hands so I can't fuck it up, you know. You just have to know these things. And if you do feel like shit when you're watching social media, stop doing it. One of my clients, she just, social media doesn't make her feel good, so she doesn't have any account. She just, she's like, I just, like, I have no idea what's going on, and that's okay, because, like, honestly, like, I don't it wasn't helping. The benefits of being in on, like, whatever is something that is like people are talking about don't outweigh the negatives of how I feel about myself when I watch it. So I think this is really important. And I I understand if you've been hurt before, it's hard to let your walls down, but you waiting for someone to be trustworthy enough to let your walls down. Guess how you do that? You trust them. You have to like, let your wall like the way it works you have to let your walls down first so you can trust them. Let your walls down. That's how it goes. So if people suck, go find new people. I also just want to say, like, I love.

Brad Crowell 25:49  

Burn those relationships or not relationships, because they're not relationships. 

Lesley Logan 25:54  

No, I think, like, I love how Barb talks about, like, building authentic relationships. I made big fan of just like (inaudible) just don't go like, I'm amazed at how many friends you have from like, different parts of your life, and like. 

Brad Crowell 26:05  

Who, me? 

Lesley Logan 26:06  

Yeah, and I have I, if I saw those people in a place right now, I would not avoid them. I would absolutely go, oh my god, hi from high school, if I to be honest, and no offense even from high school, if I recognized you. I really didn't know who I was in high school, so I don't know, like, who you remember, because probably, but like, I would just say, like, I don't have those but I wouldn't be like, Oh, I don't talk to those people anymore. It's just like, I outgrew those things because I got to know myself more, and it's not a slight to them. It's just like, you keep going. So it's okay to let relationships go, if you have to show up inauthentically to be in them, yes, and I think that that's really important information, you know.

Brad Crowell 26:47  

I think, I think that's worth saying again, you know, like, and I it's something I struggle with, is letting a relationship go, you know, because, for me, I value relationships really highly. But I love the idea that if you have changed to the point where being in a relationship with a friend or even a family member means you have to be inauthentic to be in that you're allowed to hit pause, you know. So yeah, and it's gonna be healthy for you in the long run, and it is something that we have to protect ourselves, you know? Because, like, think about this. We talk about this all the time. When we let our friends or family, we tell them our dream, and then they shit all over it, and then we take that seriously, you know? And it's like, like, we all know that that has happened, but also too, like, clearly, there's a discord there. Doesn't mean we're firing those friends, but the point is that if we are aware, conscious enough that we should protect our dreams when we're sharing them. You know, in that way, it's also okay as you shift, change and grow. If you have to, like, pretend to be your old self to be in a relationship with someone, maybe you move on.

Lesley Logan 27:53  

Well, I'll just say, like the other day we were at, not the other day, the other day, but a while back, we were at an event, and I saw some people in person for the first time in six, seven years in our industry, and I used to handle the lot, and there was just a few different times they showed me, kind of like, who they were and how I needed to be in their relationship with them. And they're not bad people by the way. They just their needs and how they want to be and what they want to talk about, are things that are not something I want to do, and how I'd have to be in a conversation with them is not authentic to me. And I went up, I hugged them, I genuinely said, how are you what's going on? And they did vague, this is what's going on, even like they were not vulnerable, no. And what they did say was like. 

Brad Crowell 28:39  

I literally know the conversation you're talking about. 

Lesley Logan 28:42  

They were like, they were like, kind of pumping up whatever it was they were doing in a very like, I'm over here and this is over here. And I was like, yeah, I'm really glad that I'm saying hi, and I'm so glad that over the last six years we haven't been in contact, because, like, who they want me to be in that conversation is not who I am and I have voiced multiple times things that, like, I was like, ooh, I don't really like this, X, Y and Z, yeah. And guess what? So I voiced it. They didn't want to hear it, or they don't care, or they don't see it that way. You have to be a negative. It's just like, it's, we're different. And I think.

Brad Crowell 29:15  

But this comes back to knowing yourself. So because you know yourself, it allows you to be like, ooh. 

Lesley Logan 29:20  

Yeah. So because of that, so it was great to just have a check in. Like, oh, did I let something go? Was it me? No, actually, we are oil and water and that is okay, and we can exist as balsamic and oil. Sometimes they're great on bread. Sometimes, there's gonna be people who glad that we're both at the exact same event, but I don't have to pour myself into their bowl for the for it to.

Brad Crowell 29:45  

To finish the metaphor. Yeah, love it. Awesome. 

Lesley Logan 29:47  

All right. I'm Lesley Logan. 

Brad Crowell 29:48  

And I'm Brad Crowell. 

Lesley Logan 29:49  

You guys are amazing. I just am so grateful for you. Thanks for sticking it out with this voice. I hope that we record in a couple of days better. If it's not, you're gonna keep. Listening anyways, because you love me and we are hopefully really helpful, and so you're gonna leave a review, too, me hypnotizing you leave a review show this with a friend who needs to hear it. Until next time, go Be It Till You See It. 

Brad Crowell 30:10  

Bye for now. 

Lesley Logan 30:12  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network. If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at +1-310-905-5534 or send a DM on Instagram @BeItPod.

Brad Crowell 30:54  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 30:59  

It is transcribed, produced and edited by the epic team at Disenyo.co.

Brad Crowell 31:04  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music and our branding by designer and artist, Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 31:11  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.

Brad Crowell 31:14  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website. And finally to Meridith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.

Lesley Logan 31:27  

There's a gnat that is just like. 

Brad Crowell 31:29  

I know I tried to kill him twice on my screen without shaking my camera.

Lesley Logan 31:32  

Flying around my face. I feel like that dog today. I'm like. Gonna wash my hair after this.

Brad Crowell 31:44  

Yeah, the more you keep touching it, the more amazing it looks on camera.

Lesley Logan 31:53  

Yeah, what is happening? Okay, that's pretty good. Nope. Do I look like a unicorn?

Brad Crowell 32:09  

Yes, you are always a unicorn babe. Okay, ready? Okay, let's talk about Barb. Betts. Barb is a keynote speaker, author and recovering real estate broker who turned and we are on a roll. All right, let's start that over. 

Brad Crowell 32:38  

She said there are three things that you have to have to be present. Sorry. She said there are three things that you have to be present to have. This is fucked up. There are three things that have to be oh, that not you. It's just have to be present.