68. The Girl Next Door (2004)

Valentine’s Day is like a box of chocolates, you never know which one will cream all over your face. Fatty rings The Girl Next Door starring Emile Hirsch, Elisha Cuthbert Timothy Olyphant and Paul Dano. Hirsch is a straight-A senior gunning for a scholarship to Georgetown. His straight A’s take a turn to straight “V’s” when a new girl moves in next door to him and goes to town on his george. Metaphorically, of course, these are high schoolers for Pete’s sake! After they’ve been dating a spell, Hirsch finds out that her former line of work involved hoochie-coochie-peeping-Tom-foolery with the cameras and the fluffers and disco lights and whatnot.  Plus, she has a skeezy producer who wants to pull her back into that risque buisness.  What’s a goody straight-laced-two-shoes with everything on the line to do?  The answer lies in the purest meaning of the phrase “if you can’t beat ‘em, join em!” and boy does he!  Dave has a brand new pair of rollerskates and George Saunders has a brand new key. Noah spins a yarn that involves him being a Maid in Mr. Movies.  MAID!  ...MAID!