69. Breaking Dawn Part II (2012)

Fatty is now leaving Forks, Washington, population: zzz, zzz, zzz. The end of a saga is upon us as Dave and Noah are subjected to The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part II, starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner and a breakfast burrito worth of CGI found in George Lucas' Roomba. K-Stew has a new attitude: she now sucks blood instead of screen time, but the salad days of her new marriage are over.  Her and R-Pat have been accused of committing the most heinous of all vampire crimes: upstaging Dakota Fanning with a younger, more cuter baby vampire who could give Honey Boo-Boo a run for her pharmaceutical grade Flintstone Vitamin Uppers. So once again every freak who could give a frack in Forks has to band together and help K-Stew and R-Pat go stand in a field to face off the Voltori, a supreme court team of Draculas from Italy. However, since this world lives and dies according to Stephenie Meyer's magical Mormon underwear, there are no outlandish rulings or even epic battles. People just stand and stare at each other, letting their thoughts do the heavy lifting. Just what this story needs...more staring!  Dave tells his story of watching this movie in a discount theater full of Dakota Fannings. Noah brings up maple syrup and we all try to pretend that Jacob isn't really that into babies.