84. I'm done with being regulated

I'm recording this one on a windy day, and it feels fitting because this episode is unfiltered. I've been sitting with a growing frustration around a word that I've used a lot in this space, and I need to talk about it: regulated. As much as I believe in what it means in the nervous system sense, something has shifted - in me, in this cultural moment, and in what I want to model for my daughters. So I'm officially retiring the word, and replacing it with something that actually captures what we're building here: flourished.

Key Points

1. Why "regulated" no longer works for me — The nervous system definition of regulated (moving through sympathetic and shutdown states and returning to grounded safety) is still true and valid. But the word itself has become too loaded — politically, culturally, and personally — to land the way it's meant to. Words matter, and this one isn't working anymore.
2. The personal moment that sparked this — A heated exchange with my husband, a group call where another mom voiced the exact same frustration, and the realization that I was holding a layer of self-blame on top of the original trigger: I should be more regulated. Why aren't I more regulated? Sound familiar?
3. The systemic piece we can't ignore — Women have been conditioned to keep their voices calm, their emotions contained, and their reactions palatable. The expectation to be "the regulated one" in the relationship, in the home, in the world — is a systemic pattern, not a personal failing.
4. What I want instead: flourished — Your kids don't need a perfect mom. They don't need a regulated mom. They need a flourished mom. A mom who is lit up by what she's passionate about, who unapologetically feels her feelings, who trusts her rage and her rest and her seasons.
5. The Flourished Mother archetypes — A breakdown of the inner archetypes that live inside the Flourished Mother:
6. The Mindful Gardner — present, self-compassionate (both tender and fierce), a kind witness to herself
7. The Boundary Boss — fierce and clear about what she needs to thrive, and unapologetic about it
8. The Rest Queen & Pleasure Goddess — rest and pleasure are not earned; they're key ingredients in the flourishing recipe
9. The Cyclical Celebrator — trusts the seasons of nature, the moon, and her own body; doesn't judge the winter or rush the bloom
10. What the Flourished Mother actually asks of us — Not to be calm all the time. Not to perform regulation. But to be fully human: alive, passionate, emotionally honest, boundaried, and trusting the process.
11. Permission to let go of regulated — If the word "regulated" has been shackling you — if you've been working overtime to be the composed, calm, measured one — this is your invitation to release that goal and find the word that actually fits. For me? It's flourished.

Quotes

"I don't want to be regulated. I want to be flourished."

"Your kids don't need a perfect mom. They need a flourished mom."

"She's the woman that is unapologetically living in a nervous system that is embracing the whole spectrum."

"I don't want my girls to grow up feeling like they have to work so hard to be regulated all the time."

"I want to be living my most fun, playful, unapologetically human life — which means I'm sad and I'm angry and I lose my temper. That's what I want to model."

Resources Mentioned

1. 🌿 Flourished Mother Starter Kit — Five nervous system practices to begin awakening your inner Flourished Mother: https://theschoolofmom.com/starter
2. 📬 Reach Sarah at [email protected]
3. 🎙️ Send Sarah a voice note: speakpipe.com/theschoolofmom

What's Coming Next

Stay close — we're continuing to explore what it actually looks and feels like to be a Flourished Mother, from the inside out.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

www.theschoolofmom.com

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