86. What You Actually Have Control Over

In today’s episode, I'm calling out one of the most repeated lines in coaching and personal development, and offering you something that's actually true instead. Spoiler: you have more control than you think - it's just not where you've been told to look for it.

Key Points

• Why somatic work moves the needle in ways talk therapy can't — I spent years as a therapist talking through problems with women. Insight is valuable — but it's limited. When I discovered what was possible through body-based work, it changed everything. 90–95% of our experience is driven by unconscious programming living in our nervous system, and you simply can't talk your way out of that.
• What actually happens in a somatic session — Whether a client is brand new to this work or has been doing it for years, the experience is consistently the same: I can't believe what just came through. The body holds wisdom, intuition, and real-time healing that the mind can't access alone.
• Calling out the line everyone repeats — "The only thing you can control is your reaction." It's everywhere in coaching culture. And it's not quite true. If your unconscious nervous system is running the show — and for most of us, it is — you don't actually have control over your reactions in the moment. Telling yourself you should is just adding shame to the pile.
• The truth about control — You have very limited control over your in-the-moment reaction, especially when you're tired, triggered, or dysregulated. But you do have real, meaningful control over something: the support you choose, the practices you commit to, and the nervous system work you do in advance of those moments. That's the real lever.
• What the Flourished Mother actually looks like — She's not always calm. She's not always grounded. She feels the full spectrum of her humanness — including the anger — but she has the capacity to be with it. With presence, with grace, with compassion. And that capacity is built over time, through practice and support.

Quotes

"90 to 95% of our experience — the lens through which we see the world — is coming from our unconscious, which lives in our body."

"You will be surprised. I am surprised every time — I didn't think anything was gonna come through. And wow, I am so grateful I did that."

"You actually don't really have control over your reaction in the moment. But you do have control over the support that you decide to get."

"What you do have control over is the reprogramming and the tending and the grounding you did to be in a body that supports you to react in the way that you want to."

"Talking around in circles about the thing you wanna do is not going to help you change it in the moment."

Resources Mentioned

• Flourished Mother Map — A personalized session with Sarah to map your patterns and path forward: theschoolofmom.com/map
• Flourish Community — Monthly membership for ongoing nervous system support and integration: http://theschoolofmom.com/flourish
• One-on-one somatic sessions with Sarah — Reach out directly to book: http://theschoolofmom.com/private-coaching
• Send Sarah a voice note: https://www.speakpipe.com/theschoolofmom

What's Coming Next

If this episode stirred something in you, the next step is simple: choose the support. Whether that's a Flourished Mother Map, a one-on-one session, or joining the Flourish community — the work you do before the moment is what changes the moment.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

www.theschoolofmom.com

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