Armchair Anonymous: Worst TSA

Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair anonymous. I'm Dan Rather. I'm joined by bucks and investors. I really want to tell a story.

Tell it. But my dad doesn't want me to tell it. Bill, all the more reason for you to show that. Oh, this is about your brother.

Yeah. Do you think he is there a chance he could get in trouble? No. Are you sure?

No, I don't. Well, I can't be sure. I don't work with the TSA. OK, well, I'm going to tell the story.

So my brother works in supply chain and stuff. And every now and then, he has to go into the warehouse. And he has to do stuff in the warehouse. So he has on his person, on his work backpack, his stuff for the warehouse, OK?

So he went to Miami. He came back. He went to Phoenix. He came back.

No problem. Four trips. All the same backpack, whatever. He wasn't paying attention to through stuff in, whatever.

When he got home from Phoenix, he unloaded his backpack. And he saw at the bottom of the backpack was a box cutter. A box cutter. The original weapon.

Yes. The O.W. The original weapon. Very triggering.

Extreme item to bring on. My dad didn't know this. Brown plus box cutter is a high risk. He has a little bit of a beard.

Sure. Looks like he's rowing it out, maybe for Islam. He would have got my dad's job was on. He was like, he went so far.

Well, he felt like he almost lost his son. He probably got scared. He would have really, yeah. He would have gone straight to jail.

They would have arrested you. We would have had to get the best lawyer. He did. He said it would have been so expensive.

He thought that there was a bankruptcy ahead. I don't agree. This is very rare. This is a departure that I don't agree with your dad.

So I generally see eye to eye with him on all things, especially if you're on the other side of the debate. I really agree with him. But no, no. Here's what would happen.

Exactly what happened when I left my huge fucking knife, my favorite knife. But a spider knife with scrimshawn the thing. I feel proud of me and American. I love that knife.

Huge knife. I don't even know it's legal to be on public with it, right? Yeah. Much less going to airplane.

And they just pull it out and then you lose it. That's it. They would have just seen the box cutter and then go, oh, you can't bring his own flight. And he would have said, yeah, I work in a warehouse.

And they said, bullshit. You're a jihadi. I know. But we're going to let you know that nothing would happen.

Yeah. I really think you're wrong. But they're pulling knives and box cutters out all day long at TSA. I promise you, if they had pulled it out from a person that looks like my brother, they would have done major questioning.

Like a hip hop, a hat designer? Yeah. That's mostly what your brother looks like. He's a brown, young guy.

He would have been questioned. And then I think he would have been taken to the police station. I don't think he would have been arrested. Right.

He hasn't committed any crime. Well, no, this also, then there was this other guy who got arrested for bringing a metal straw that had just like a little bit of a sharp tip. Oh. So your father looked this up or something.

My mom did. They went digging. I don't know how many millions of passengers are they playing America? But it's like five million.

But if you look like that, you are much more willing. You are. I mean, that's the truth. I kind of wish he has.

We could have known, you know. I know. We need him to go again. Where's he going?

Oh, I am a ticket. He told me that if I told this right, I had to shout out his friend Al. So shout out. What up?

Al because he went to visit Al. Alan AZ. Yeah. And if you're you bump into Alan AZ, give them what's up from us.

Roll call Al. Oh, another thing my dad said, he said, those people are going to get in so much trouble. The TSA. I was like, well, they don't know who was working the line that day.

I know. I will tell you this. I have lost several knives in TSA. And I've watched other people lose a lot of their lives.

Though the night I lost. No, the people. One guy introduced himself as a mom as a mom. Stop.

Another guy was wearing a seek head here. No, no. Can't joke about it because that is really true profiling. And look, also, if people are trying to bring that shit on the airplane, I want them to be investigated.

Yes, I want them to look into it. I really want someone with a shoe bomb to be detained. And we got to the bottom of that. I don't know about box cot.

I don't know if we're going to mention it, but whatever. It's a loaded question. Here's the point. You're rather pulled it off.

He pulled off twice. He should probably think about a bigger scale caper where he can profit from it. Well, he lives in my dad's sim. So it was like obvious he was going to be fine.

But still, yeah, anyways, enjoy these crazy stories from the TSA. There's been a couple I've been telling after we gathered them because they're that good. Yeah. So you can listen to some enjoy.

Hi. Hi, Daniel. That's me. How are you?

Wonderful. How are you? I'm doing great. You have a TSA experience that was unpleasant or at least memorable.

I do. So this story takes place about 10 years ago. And it takes place in Canada. Yeah, I knew that.

You could tell by my accent about 10 years ago. Yeah. About 10 years ago. So Dax, I actually grew up in Ontario, not to far from Detroit, a lot of Michigan love and a lot of Cedar Point love as well.

Same same same same. We love our Ontario neighbors. Oh, wonderful. Yeah, about 10 years ago, I moved from Ontario to British Columbia for the sake of simplicity.

I'll say East Coast West Coast if that's OK. Yeah. The firm I was working for was super accommodating. And they said I could work remotely from the West Coast as long as I came back every month or so to spend some time in the home office.

So what I would do is spend a few days every month in the home office on the East Coast where my parents and my sister and my wife's extended family all lived. So I'd leave a few set of work clothes, shoes, toiletries, everything at my sister's house where I'd stay while I was in town. So I could travel super light genius. Yeah.

Well, you may want to reserve your judgment for a little bit later, but it got to a point where I didn't even have to pack any luggage back and forth. My wife at the time noticed that I wasn't taking any bags and hence had a ton of baggage allowance to bring stuff back and forth, especially to her extended family, most notably my kids, little cousins back East, which ended up being my undoing entirely. So what would happen was once I knew I'd be flying East, I'd leave a carry on suitcase out, I'd let my wife fill it up, I'd fly with it and then deliver it to my wife's brother and her kids. All the kids in the story are about five years and younger at the time, about a year into this process and about a month after school started, I was preparing for another trip out East.

So sure enough, the day before I'm supposed to leave, there's a carry on suitcase, all packed up, bundled up and ready for me to take to my wife's brother and his kids. And this time I'm not carrying anything. I'm traveling super light. I've just got this one carry on.

I drive to the airport, check in and go through the security. I put my carry on onto the conveyor belt off. It goes into the x-ray machine. I stroll through the metal detector, no problems.

And I turn around and I see the TSA agent just staring at the screen and he's squinting and his brows all furrowed. And I know that this is not a good side. Yeah, that's not what you want to see. No, absolutely not.

You want to see somebody just waving you through or sleep behind the wheel. That's vast actually just keep it. I prefer them to be paying attention. There's another issue for security or that, but that would have been very helpful this day, so he sends the bag through, but then he points at me and he like uses his finger to beckon me over to talk to him.

So he says, Hey, are you traveling alone and where are you going? So I tell him, yeah, I'm traveling alone. I'm headed back East to work for about a week and he says, what's your job? Oh, I'm a lawyer and he's like, OK, do you have any other luggage?

You have a backpack? Do you have any check luggage? Anything? And I'm like, nope, just that.

I pointed the carry on. He says, can I open it? And I'm like, I don't know if I can say anything else, but sure. Right, exactly.

Yeah. Sure enough, he unzips my carry on and it is at that point that I see what's in it. My suitcase is jam-packed with little girls underwear. Oh.

OK, Daniel, as you're talking, I'm like, I'm already nowhere. This is a toy gun. This isn't that great. Who would care?

But I'm not expecting pack to the brim with children's underwear. Whoa. Yeah. Also, why is your wife acting like you guys live in England and your relatives live in Nairobi?

Like this shit can be gotten anywhere. It's not like you're going to some remote island where they don't have access to little kids underwear. Well, Dax, this is a very good question and one that I asked her. Indeed, a question that I peppered her with after the fact.

In fact, it got to a point where I was actually saying, you know, the Walmart is closer to them. And it is for me to carry all this stuff and fly it over. Oh my god. TSA agent opens a suitcase full of little kids underwear.

Oh my god. And he looks at me and he says, you know what this looks like, right? And in my head, a million sarcastic things are coming in mind. But I'm biting my tongue because I know I'm going to get in more and more trouble.

Not the time for jokes. So I try to explain, I love these underwear, but I use them as napkins. It's not what you think. Exactly.

I try to explain and he's having none of it. He beckons a second TSA agent over. And it's at that moment that I spot inside the suitcase, peeking out from under the layer of little girls underwear is what appears to be a bag of candy. Oh my god.

It's like a starter kit for a fucking predator. Oh my god. Exactly. And then a bottle of ether.

It's a cotton ball right here. Oh my god. Oh my god. Candy and underwear.

Oh, no, Daniel, by the way, I'm in line behind you and I'm observing all this. I'm starting to think like, I'm going to take this mother. Well, I'm just like, yeah, get that guy. Obviously that guy is a problem.

Put him in a fucking cave. Yeah. You're right. This was all open.

The open. It's not like they took me to some separate room behind and said, yeah, let's just open this up and privacy. I'm like, oh, this is my life now. Oh, don't you get us?

You make them call your wife and have her back you up. That would have been a very good idea. And I was getting so nervous. And I'm just explaining myself.

And finally, they wave the third guy over and they're kind of con for answering over by the side. And finally, they do come back to me and they give me the dirtiest look, first of all. And they say, listen, you're going to have to go through the story one more time. And I go through it one more time.

I'm like, these are hand me downs. My wife packed it. The candy is obviously for Halloween, right? Because it's like the beginning of October.

So we're bringing Halloween presents. And they're like, candy. We didn't even see that. You're like outing yourself even further and further.

And the handcuffs are because I'm going as a cop to Halloween. What exactly? That's part of my costume. Oh, my God.

From their point of view, it doesn't make any sense, right? Here's a guy that says he's a lawyer. He's traveling for a week for work. And this is his suitcase.

Just like he said, it looks like a starter kit for child abduction. Yes. Oh, anyway, the third person, he did something pretty curious because it really stuck with me. He took his pen and he starts poking around in the suitcase.

And I'm thinking, is he doing that? So he doesn't contaminate. He would damage to fingerprint evidence or something. Like I'm getting more and more suspicious.

But finally, the third guy comes. He looks at me and he says, this looks terrible. And I'm like, yes, this looks terrible. And he says, but you haven't broken any logs.

And as far as I can tell, you're not carrying anything in there that you're not allowed to carry on a plane. I'm caught between two things when you tell this story. One is I have a very checkered past with the TSA. I've had some bad shouting matches with them.

I've acted poorly. So I have a little bit of a chip on my shoulder about them. That side of my brain is going, hey, guess what, guys, you're not a special victim's unit. You can't investigate a crime.

You are there. You're not a bad person. You're not a bad person. You're not a bad person.

You're not a bad person. You're not a bad person. You're not a bad person. You're not a bad player.

You're not a bad person. You're not the boss of the TSA. I've had some bad shouting matches with them. I've acted poorly.

So I have a little bit of a chip on my shoulder about them. That side of my brain is going, hey, guess what, guys, you're not a special victim's unit. You can't investigate a crime. You are there to stop certain objects from getting in the plane.

You guys going to launch an investigation right now? That's not even on the table. I guess they're maybe considering if they're gonna call the police or not. Then the other part of me is like, no, no.

When a guy's traveling with a Big Bag of Candy and little girls underwear, let's ask them a few questions. Bad flag, yes. Let's commit them to memory. get him to memory, let's document it a little bit, send him on his way and who knows.

It's funny you say that we'll commit him to memory because I'm absolutely positive that because of that incident, my name has been flagged with a TSA. So for years and years after, there was about a 90% chance that I would get taken aside for additional screening every time I went through security. And it got to a point where my kid would actually point at me during security screening and say, you're gonna wanna talk to that guy. Let's just talk to the chase, this guy means questioning.

Well, the pen is for sharp objects. They're digging for like, up there's a knife. I agree with Daniel, I think he's trying not to contaminate the act of time. And they always have an extra body wash.

I'm always getting pulled aside. Well, you're brown. And brown. But no, there's something flagged.

And they always use a twin. They say, are there any sharp objects? And they're digging around. So I think that's why.

In case you had a knife in there. Well, I guess that's a good question because I really didn't know what else was in there. So if they said, are there any sharp objects in there? Your guess is as good as mine, sir.

A pack of black cats, a M80s, couple bottle rockets. Did you then have the leverage when you got home to say to your wife? I'm done muelling things to the East Coast. That ended with this trip.

Absolutely. I got past security. I called her up immediately. And she's just laughing so hard on the phone.

Oh, good for her. And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just packed like a bunch of hand-me-downs. And I'm like, well, couldn't you at least provide a mix of items so it makes it look a little less suspicious?

Oh my god. I told her at that point, this is the last suitcase I'm ever bringing back Easton. It was. So funny.

Later on when I was a little calmer, I actually asked my wife and her family, what else had I been carrying on some of these previous trips? And it turns out that on a previous trip, I had actually carried my sister-in-laws dogs' ashes. Oh, what? Completely without my knowledge.

That could have been one of your armchair anonymous cremations. This is exactly. Wow, that was great. I can't imagine.

Because most crimes I would be questioned about, part of me is like, this ain't bad for my rep. This is like, there's nothing anyone would want less than to have people think of that about you. Whoa, what a moment in time for you. It was pretty rough, but at the end of the day, I got through it.

And I have a pretty good story to share. That's a great story. It is wonderful. It is wonderful.

Thank you so much for sharing that with us. That really got me. I did not see that coming. My pleasure.

On a personal level, I'd like to thank both of you. A few years ago, I went through some pretty big upheavals in my life that really beat me down. And one of my closest friends is an armchair. And they recommended your podcast as a sort of therapy and to help cheer me up.

No. And I've been listening ever since. And hearing both of you share and talk about your lives and your families and be frank about mental health and how life is sometimes messy, that really helped pull me out of it. So thank god.

Daniel, we don't deserve that. But thank you so much. That makes us so happy to hear. I'm glad you've got a smile on your face.

You deserve it. Thank you very much. Well, it's so nice meeting you, Daniel. Thank you for that compliment.

That's beautiful. Thank you. Very nice meeting both of you too. All right.

Take care. I'll be the guy at the. Yeah. I know what to look for.

OK. Thank you. Bye. Bye.

My bra was out. Oh my god. He got to see some brazier. Carmelo too.

Oh, yeah. He had the same effect on you as Carmelo. I like to check your crotch. Has it exploded like the last time?

It's covered. Feel free to put the chocolate vagina there to block the view. Oh, yeah. Oh, speaking of that, if anyone's wondering, we were supposed to post a picture.

But when the picture came, I thought, this is so X-rayed. No, we probably looked. It looked like my vagina. So I didn't share that picture with me.

Yeah, it was in the drop-offs. Oh, I missed it. I feel like it's a feather in my cap. I'm shocked I missed that.

It was a folder called Conchocolate. Oh, yeah. It was very obvious. It was too striking to post.

And that I want to just clear that. Because a lot of people did comment. Where's that? You had a pretty good hunt should be used for mass retoratory purposes.

No, I just thought I think we might get flagged on Instagram or something. Oh, OK. I might lose our account. OK.

I might bring down the whole environment. OK. Wow, man. Fucking little girls.

Hello. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Tell us about this choice of screenshot.

Did you take a drone shot of your yard? That is a drone shot. And yeah, we just retired a couple of years ago and got 35 acres out in Colorado. What part of Colorado?

South of Pueblo. About an hour from the New Mexico border. It's not a great area in terms of tourists. Nobody comes here.

That's kind of nice. We've always been in the city. In fact, I grew up in Detroit. Oh, no, Getty.

Whereabouts? Yep. Seven of my own telegraph right across from Edgewater. Wonderful.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Now, what is your shirt say? Keep talking diagnosing. That's great.

That's really good. Okay, so you're retired. What year did the TSA situation happen? 2014.

So I was heading to New York for a business trip, frequent flyer, TSA clearance, the whole bit. I don't think I've ever had to take my shoes off in the last probably 20 years. Yeah. And so I passed through the scanner and immediately an agent calls me over and says you've been randomly selected.

I'm about a half hour early, so I've got time. I'm not worried at all. And he asks politely if he can swab my bag and test it. I said, sure.

Go ahead. So he swipes the bag and puts it in the tester in the alarm rings. Oh, it didn't really worry. It could be anything on the outside of a bag, right?

So next he says, can I open your bag? He pokes around and there he looks at the clothes, the dock kit, everything that's in there. And he swabs some of the items in there and a second alarm goes off. Okay.

Were you thinking, oh, gunpowder residue? Do you shoot guns or anything? No. No.

Okay. I have. But, you know, I'm not a regular shooter. I'm not a gun guy.

So he says, do you mind if I swipe your hands? And I said, yeah, okay. And I see this concern coming over his face. You know, I looked out my watch.

I'm thinking, okay, this is going to take longer than I thought. I'm probably going to miss the flight. Oh, God. I don't know if you've ever been to Keens Steakhouse in New York, but that was the first part of the trip.

We were all going to be at Keens. I was really looking forward to it. I've never been there. I'm pretty nervous now.

You're covered in explosive residues. Or the machines broken. And all of a sudden, a second TSA agent arrives because they must have some signal. And so now there's two of them.

They have small rooms kind of near the conveyors. I'm escorted in one of those rooms. And the lead agent, he picks up his little radio and he calls for Harry and asks him to come to search room two. And I'm like, wow, I wonder who Harry is.

Now I've been instructed to start taking my clothes off. There's two agents in there. And I'm asking some questions. I'm like, why am I taking my clothes off?

And he says, you're going to be strip searched and we have to do cavity search. I remember to say my palms are sweating. I'm in the height of anxiety. I'm usually not a very anxious guy, but I'm in the height of it.

And I'm strip naked now. Oh my God. And the two of them are standing there. And the one is putting the blue gloves on.

Oh my God. That's never a good sign, right? Oh, no. That's not really.

You don't want to hear cavity search and then see gloves come on. So he starts explaining. I thought you said he starts exploring. He starts explaining what a cavity search is.

And he's doing it so casually as if he's taking a McDonald's order. I was actually waiting for him to ask you what fries with that. He said, what I'm going to be doing is I'm going to be looking in your mouth, your ears, your belly button under your arms and erect them. There we go.

Yeah. I knew that was coming. I knew that was the other cavities. He said, I'd like you to bend over.

And there's a table in there. No, this is. What do you go? This is hot.

Could you have refused? I did a little research afterwards. And if you refuse, you're going to be there for a long time. You're going to be in another room.

And it's going to probably land you in jail at some point. And there's a whole group of people that are fighting TSA overreaching, but I understand they got to do their job. I don't want to be on a plane if there's explosives. Right, of course.

A guy who's got to ask cramp full of explosives. Yeah. Yeah. I bend over.

And the glove disappears. Oh my God. And at this point, I fully understand what a search is. It's not just an in and out thing.

It's a search. And I'm thinking, you know, I should get like a hug or a drink or something after this is over. Yeah, intimate. I said, Harry, I don't even know your last name yet.

Yeah. Well, Harry hasn't shown up. Oh, he hasn't even done the scene yet. Okay.

So to this day, I cringe when I see blue gloves and my wife actually even buys skin tone ones. We don't even have blue gloves. That's PTSD. Yeah, a little bit of it.

They have me dressed. They leave the room and I come out and they have me stand against the wall of this room, which is kind of by the conveyors. And I noticed our whole TSA line has been closed down now. They're keeping the area clear.

So the guy says, here comes Harry. And he is at least six, five, just a goliath. He's got a flat jacket on with bomb squad. You know, I'm five, nine, 160 pounds.

He is easy, 275 pounds. I thought the glove was the worst. I'm thinking this could even be worse. He's got a full utility bell down, two pistols, handcuffs, mace.

He says, can I ask you some questions? Kind of look through your bag and he says, look, Jim, you've been thoroughly search. You have nothing suspicious in your bag. But something's on your clothes, something's on your body and it's causing us great concern.

We have to figure out what it is. So let's break down your day from the moment you got up to when you arrived at this TSA checkpoint. Okay. So I got up, I showered, I shaved, put some cream on.

He says, what kind of cream is this that you put on? And do you have it with you? And I said, well, it's a dermatological cream that I just started using. And yeah, I got it in my bag.

So I get it out. He puts a little cream on a swab and puts it in the machine and sure enough, it alarmed. Whoa. He said, I think we got this figured out.

Oh my God. Why wouldn't they test the liquids first before putting their finger up your butt? Those two guys never ask all those questions. No, they were just itching to get up your butt.

Yeah. They didn't want any time for any of the small talk. Little less conversation, a little more action is what they were thinking. Yeah.

How many times you get to do that? I had to run like hell to get to the flight I made it. Oh, wonderful. You got that steak?

I got the steak. Oh, thank you. I earned it. And I told a story at the table with 10 people and they were dying.

Of course. As long as it happens to you, it's a really funny story. You know, as you were telling this, I was thinking a really terrible prank and a great prank would be doing to have like an novelty product that was a cologne for men that was just chock full of fertilizer so that when you went to the airport, you were guaranteed and you give it to somebody you don't like for Christmas. Yeah.

In fact, for probably another six months to a year at any meetings, the last day, the travel day, everyone would come up and say goodbye and they put their hands behind their back and you're like, oh, don't shake my hand. What is in the cream? It's a glycerin. Uh-huh.

Oh, yeah. There we go. Nitro glycerin. Wow.

Don't put anything on. It has glycerin unless you're going to wash your hands before you touch everything. Because when you're thinking about your shower, put some cream on, put stuff in your carry on. Put your shoes on.

It's all over the place. Yeah. It's like those black light things when they put it in the chicken to see where it's all over your whole kitchen. You think you took it out, put it in the frying pan, wash your hands.

No. It's fucking on the ceiling. That's everywhere. But, I feel like that's a very common.

Yeah. That reminds me of your one podcast I listened to about that. Worst house share. Oh, it's a ryancy.

Oh, it's a ryancy. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone's still recovering from that one.

That almost ended the show. You think that would be on their list. Like they would know by now that a skincare product could potentially do because that's common in a lot of people. I think they're going to find out the machine was misfiring.

I don't know. But, no. Wow. You know, I'm sorry you had that experience and I'm grateful for us that you had that experience.

Yeah. Well, had I not had it. I wouldn't be here. I can't think of a more handsome man to do a cavity search on.

Yeah. You guys are great. Keep up the good work. Thank you, Jim.

Great meeting you. All right. Thank you. Thanks you guys.

All right. Take care. That guy's a good time, Charlie. People love working with him.

You reminded me of a Wilson. Yeah. I can see that. Hello.

Hello. I'm in the bathroom. I'm in my daughter's closet. My teen daughter's.

Where are you at in the country, Amanda? I'm in South Texas, but I'm originally from Alaska. I always like to say that because I'm very proud. I love that.

People from Alaska, they know they're in the last run to here. Okay. Well, that's on story. Moving means traveling means flying.

And of course, we are here to learn about a challenging TSA experience you've had. Yes. And I'd like to caveat by saying I'm a very seasoned flyer with kids. I fly back up to Alaska to visit my family.

Oftentimes solo. I'm not bothered. I expect a certain level of chaos when traveling with children. And I'm prepared to handle a certain level of chaos.

A lot of patients, a lot of just going with the flow. So I was not by myself. We were coming home from a holiday. Very busy airport.

We were going to have an early flight before we even checked out of the hotel room. And it's 2014. It's probably important. This is not going to age well post COVID.

The details of the story. So before we've even left the hotel room to get on to our shuttle, my two year old son has puked. Sometimes kids are weird and it's one and done. Yes.

Yeah. So we're just like, we're just going to go to the airport. It's holiday rush. So it would be tricky to reschedule.

I'm his person also. So like as long as I'm holding him, right? He's got mom. He's pretty compliant, pretty easy going.

We just got a plastic bag from the hotel room. The ice bucket bag or the laundry bag? Like a plastic laundry bag, you know, and just set up on the shuttle. And I'm not even sure how where anybody else is what's going on.

He's just laying on me and about every five minutes, just quietly sitting up and just like puking into the back. Oh, wow. Okay. Lay on me again.

So it's not one and done. We got a lot. We got a flu. Something not great.

So by the time we get to the airport, I feel like it's winding down. We're getting to the bio phase. He'll be out soon. Yeah.

Okay. My husband is on older kid duty luggage duty. I'm just with the sick kid and it's very crowded at this airport and we're just meandering through the security line with him puking every time minutes or so into the bag. Oh, my God.

You have a huge bag of puking. Oh. When you have children, you find yourself in some compromising situations and it's just that's par for the course. And I'm like, it's ending.

There's no more that can come out. Let's it's all out. It's out. So by the time we make it to security checkpoint, he's falling asleep on my shoulder.

So I'm like, this is fine. He's asleep. I think it's done. So I go through the metal detector with him asleep and then a TSA agent pulls me off to the side to do a security check.

So I'm told, ma'am, please step on this mat. You can hold your son. I stand there and she says very loudly, I need a security check on a female non-violent and then she kind of turns her back on me. And so I'm standing there for just a couple of minutes, every 30 seconds or so.

She's saying into this walkie-talkie, I need a security check on a female non-violent and no one's coming. It's very busy. I can see my husband and my older kids and my luggage like all off waiting. And then I feel my son start to squirm.

I'm like, oh no, I don't have the bag with me anymore because he can't bring liquid. Yeah. Especially puke. One of the policies I do agree with.

Yeah. No bags of puke. I want to say hi, my son is sick and she's so annoyed that I'm even talking to her. Like there's an eye roll and like a, ma'am, just stand on the mat.

I'm like, I guess he's just kind of throwing up and be like, I don't know what else to do. I don't know what'll happen if I step off the mat. It has progressed from stage one of a sickness to stage two of a sickness. Oh, okay.

Diarrhea. So he's two, he's in a diaper. I feel him start to go. Yeah.

And then it just keeps going and keeps going and I feel like a lot of warmth. Oh my God. I want to die. This is every parent's nightmare.

Oh. Right. His head on my shoulder. His arms are supporting underneath him and his legs and it's coming out of everywhere.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. I can feel it on my arms. I can feel it on my hands. Oh my God.

And so I'm like, hi, my son is just diamond. I can't get a sentence out. She's ma'am. No talking.

Please stand on the mat. You're a much better person than me. I would have now, it'd be war and I would go, I don't care if I'm even arrested. I'm going to tell you you you're being really fucking inhumane.

Please get a fucking rat. You're like, yeah, I would have been a bad. I'm impressed. No, I just stand there and it's not smelling great.