Begin with the End in Mind - End of Life

Good morning, Five Minute Families! We are continuing our “Begin with the End in Mind” series. Last week we discussed staying focused as Christ followers on the fact that heaven is our ultimate home, and we need to live as citizens of heaven now. Today, as we begin this year with the end of mind we are discussing our earthly end - our dying days. Psalm 71:9 cautions us, “Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent.” There will come a time when the mighty man who worked the oil fields needs help standing and his strong grandson will have to be his legs. There is dignity in the cycle of life, and we need not be afraid of it. Galatians 6:2 tells us to [b]ear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. And the beginning of Matthew 25:35 says, “For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink.” When our loved ones are nearing the end of their lives, we must move to serve and comfort them.So, five-minute families, how can we begin with the end in mind in regards to end of life issues for our loved ones and ourselves?First, make a plan. We need to get a plan in place so that our loved ones know our wishes once we are no longer able to communicate those desires completely. But, remember, in making your plans, your loved ones will be the ones taking care of the details. Be thoughtful of them as well as your own wants. And, sometimes, we listen simply to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. At a church where I attended a weekly Bible study, there was a woman with four young children; she and her husband were in their thirties. One day she felt an intense prompting of the Holy Spirit to write out her funeral arrangements and jotted a few notes if any of her children or husband should die. She shared with her pastor and friends how silly she felt, but that a weight lifted once it was written out. A few weeks later, she, her husband, and three of their four children died when their minivan was hit on the interstate by an out-of-control 18-wheeler. The peace that her family and loved ones had because of her written plan was almost palpable as they walked in grief.Second, invest in end of life needs. We must consider finances of caregiving when that time arrives. 1 Timothy 5:8 tells us, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” My in-laws had different care plans in place so that when he needed home care, palliative care, and hospice care in succession, not only were those financially provided for, but they also had added assistance care so that my mother-in-law could focus on Papa Jerry instead of the house and household needs. Third, be understanding of different abilities. One of my dear friends has a gift that allows her to anticipate others’ needs before they are aware of the needs themselves. When her mother needed more and more involvement from her children, it was my friend who helped with bills, shopping, cleaning, as well as regular visiting, medical appointments, and more. Her family members became so comfortable in letting her do everything, that they did not step up in the times when they were needed. While her natural gifting and geographical location gave her a greater active role, other family members needed to be more mindful of helping both her and the matriarch of the family. Fourth, keep discussion open among family members. Some family members do not ever want to discuss end of life plans, even the ones willing to be there to help, but all family members need to be kept in the loop and at least given the option to engage in the discussions, even if they choose to opt out. Now, as you discuss who will do what and help where, really think about it… do you want that granddaughter who is always on her phone whom you have to call to ten times before she answers watching after grandpa whose only communication is barely a whisper?Fifth, be kind to yourself whether you need care or are giving care. Philippians 2:4 says, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” That verse indicates that we are to look to our own interests as well as others’ interests. Communicate your needs as caregiver and communicate your needs if you are being cared for. As we face end of life issues either for ourselves or a loved one, we strongly recommend a support group for caregivers and a separate group for the one experiencing the losses of freedom (if possible). God encourages us to be there for each other in the good and the bad. We can lift one another up and face the end of our earthly lives with dignity and love and kindness. This week, take a moment to review our list and see if you can step up your actions in beginning with the end in mind. Be blessed.