Broken Trust

Good morning, Five Minute Families! Thank you for allowing us into your home (or car) for these five minutes a week. Here at Clear View Retreat, blessings abound as we see families’ lives impacted for Christ, yet, all of us will experience disappointment at the hands of someone we love. Our spouse will miss a special moment, a child will profoundly upset us with a decision he or she makes, and on it goes.Dozens of Bible verses speak about trusting God, such as Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” We strongly encourage you to have family time exploring trusting God verses, but, today, let’s discover what God’s word says about trusting others. Please know that there are numerous verses cautioning us NOT to put our trust in man because our Creator God is the only one who will never falter or fail us. Yet, as image bearers, we are to be trustworthy. Trustworthiness is a large part of the human condition, and it is defined as a “firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.” Holding an expectation of your loved one doing what is best for both of you in the relationship is not unrealistic or unbiblical.We have been blessed with a happy marriage and great kids. But, life has not and is not always wonderful. We have gone through some serious struggles to get to where we are today. When trust broke down in our marriage, it was not an easy or quick fix. Here are some verses that directed us in trust:Proverbs 31:11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.1 Corinthians 13:6 Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.Proverbs 11:13 Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.So, how does your family handle the anger and hurt from broken trust? Five things to remember as your family handles broken trust are:The one who broke trust needs to take ownership of his or her wrong.The hurt person needs to identify what he or she SPECIFICALLY has trouble trusting now.Take baby steps to reestablish trust by becoming hyper-vigilant to be completely honest, even with the littlest of things. A young lady once admitted she would even lie about where something was when asked simply to avoid having to get it if asked. She used little lies like this to manipulate those around her. It took her choosing to stop doing that for her relationships to begin to be healed.Actively listen to the other without trying to jump in to defend yourself. Active listening is a skill we have discussed before on Five Minute Family.Engage in mentoring or counseling as needed. Some folks say it is a sign of weakness to seek counseling or mentoring, but the Bible says otherwise with numerous Proverbs that direct us to be teachable and gain wisdom from others.Repairing broken trust can take a lot of time. For example, we knew a woman who had had an ongoing affair whenever she went out drinking. When her husband found out, she promised to stay home and focus on their young children and their marriage. He forgave her. They both came to know Christ, and their marriage grew stronger. Years later, the wife ran into her former fling AND his spouse. They all said hello briefly and went their separate ways. When the wife told her husband of the run-in, she said he looked like he had been slapped. The hurt, anger, and abandonment he had felt years earlier came flooding back. He apologized for feeling angry, but he was and he wasn’t sure what to do about it. They argued, but God tapped her on the shoulder and made a request of her. She was obedient, gathered the supplies, and quietly washed her husband’s feet as they both wept. Fourteen years later, they are still very much in love and enjoying their family - including grandbabies.May God bring you wisdom when you face broken trust, allowing for forgiveness and, if it is possible in your circumstance, reconciliation.Please let us know how God has helped your family repair broken trust by commenting on our facebook page or blog at clearviewretreat.org. We pray you are blessed this week as you live for Him!