Business Roundtable wants to end shareholder proposals, Subaru’s knobs, OpenAI hate humans, and Ralph Lauren’s line of 2x4s

Story of the Week (DR):CEOs to the rescue?Trio Of Top CEOs Warn Trump Tariffs Will Empty Store ShelvesDuring a private meeting in the Oval Office on Monday, the CEOs of Walmart, Target and Home Depot reportedly told the president that supply chains could freeze and prompt stores’ shelves to go barren if he doesn’t rein in his sharp tariff plans, and meddles with the Federal Reserve.Target CEO Brian Cornell (25%): Mr. The Gay Pride Display Is Too Expensive Because THere are Too Many Colors (719:1)Home Depot CEO Ted Decker (25%): Mr. Charlie Munger Would Hate Him because He Got a BA in English (443:1)Walmart CEO Doug McMillon 6%: (They should have sent a Walton family member) Mr. Racism Was Solved So It’s Time to Move on from DEI (976:1)Elon Musk says he's stepping back from DOGEElon Musk was supposed to work in government as a special employee for 130 days. He just pledged to spend ‘a day or two’ per week for the remainder of Trump’s 4-year termAfter spending three months trying to radically reshape the federal government and its workforce, Elon Musk on Tuesday said he would soon be stepping back from the White House DOGE office."Starting next month, I will be allocating far more of my time to Tesla," Musk said during Tesla's earnings call, adding that "the major work of establishing the Department of Government Efficiency" was done.Tesla profit drops 71% as carmaker warns ‘political sentiment’ could impact future demandBusiness Roundtable urges SEC to amend proxy-voting process MMThe Securities and Exchange Commission should reform the proxy-voting process by making it more difficult for certain shareholder proposals to make it onto company proxy ballots, according to an April 23 report from the Business Roundtable.“The current state of the proxy process is unsustainable,” the advocacy group comprising more than 200 CEOs said in its report. “Companies are being forced to divert significant resources and attention toward responding to a flood of ideology-driven shareholder proposals — resources that would be better spent driving long-term value creation. These escalating costs ultimately fall on shareholders, yet there is little evidence that such proposals yield meaningful economic benefits.”Median US CEO pay hits record $16.8 million on soaring stock awardsMedian pay among top U.S. CEOs rose 7.5% to a record $16.8 million for 2024, a new study found, as big stock grants boosted leaders' reported earnings well beyond the pay received by U.S. workers. Study looked at 320 companies in the S&P 500 with pay data filed so far this yearESG Pope has died: Pope Francis Pushed ESG. How the Church’s Investments Did.The Vatican’s investments are generating a profit, perhaps from a renewed focus—led by the late pontiff—on social values aligned with the Catholic Church. Francis died on Monday at age 88 after a long health crisis.Goodliest of the Week (MM/DR):DR: Subaru Is Bringing Back Physical Knobs and Buttons in Its Cars MM DRDR: Twinkies’ New Owner Courts a Novel Group of Snackers: StonersMM: Tesla whistleblower wins legal battle against Elon MuskAssholiest of the Week (MM):OpenAI DRWhen asked to generate assholes of the week, ChatGPT suggested as the FIRST ASSHOLE: OpenAI’s “Safety Is Optional” StrategyLaunched GPT-4.1 with zero safety report—claiming it’s not “frontier.”Updated its Preparedness Framework to say it might lower safety standards if rivals do.Former staff filed an amicus brief supporting Elon Musk’s lawsuit, saying for-profit incentives undermine safety.Also stopped safety testing of fine-tuned models unless released openly.This is tech’s version of “if the other kids jumped off a bridge...”In 2025… OpenAI updated its safety framework—but no longer sees mass manipulation and disinformation as a critical riskNot to be outdone by other college dropout middle school losers, OpenAI considering its own social network to compete with Elon Musk's XIt’s not OpenAI, it’s Sam Altman, college dropoutRemember when they had a board?Blaming ChinaElon Musk worries Chinese companies will fill out the world’s top 10 robot makers—but claims Tesla is, and will stay, No. 1Google says DOJ's proposal for breakup would harm U.S. in 'global race with China'Trade war woes: Boeing stock sinks after China reportedly blocks plane deliveriesWispy stache middle school manflakes who are going to MAKE you like them, whether you want to or notDamion will rate whether these headlines make him finally like the techbro manflakes:Elon Musk Reportedly Sends DMs on Twitter Offering Women the Chance to Have His BabiesTesla really wants the Cybertruck to be a working man's truckElon 'rattled' as he's brutally trolled in gaming livestream from private jetHuge Number of People Who Used to Like Elon Musk Now Detest Him, Polling ShowsSomeone Is Hacking Crosswalk Buttons to Speak in the Voice of Elon Musk Lamenting the Terrible Sadness in His LifeMeta co-sponsors White House Easter Egg Roll amid blockbuster antitrust trialTrump lashes out at British hedge fund for betting against Truth SocialTrump Media wants the SEC to investigate a hedge fund that has a $105 million short on the companyJokes on you, LuigiUnitedHealth stock craters as CEO calls disappointing results 'unusual and unacceptable' (he blamed the Biden administration)UnitedHealth CEO's pay jumps 12% to $26.3M as company revenue hits record $400BUnitedHealth spent $1.7 million on executive securityRewriting historyI literally hate this: How Did Elon Musk Make His Money?“Many people would have simply taken this larger-than-life fortune and retired, but not Musk. Instead, he invested $100 million to start SpaceX, $70 million to found Tesla and $10 million in SolarCity.”HE DID NOT FOUND ITTesla was founded by Martin Eberhard and Marc TarpenningThey built the first roadster and got fundedMusk INVESTED in Tesla in the Series A and became chair of the boardMusk didn’t actually run the company - until he appointed himself CEO in 2007, four years after he initially invested and after he raised a lot of money for themMusk kicked out the actual founderEberhard actually SUED Musk because Musk refused, like a big fucking diaper baby, to acknowledge that Eberhard founded the companyEberhard actually built the first mobile charging devices for Teslas, tooThat’s how he works - Musk raises money from friends and lies about what he actually does - he’s a big fat fraud, just like with video gamesHeadliniest of the WeekDR: Priscilla Chan's tuition-free school that championed DEI is closing after 10 yearsIn a statement on its website, the Primary School didn't indicate why it was closing its East Bay and East Palo Alto locations at the end of the 2025-2026 academic year and said only that it was a "very difficult decision" that came "after much deliberation."DR: Ralph Lauren’s CEO says sometimes employees need to be ‘hit by a 2×4 across the forehead’ to get important feedback to sink in: Patrice Louvet DR MMMM: Facebook Pushes Its Llama 4 AI Model to the Right, Wants to Present “Both Sides”Isn’t this just saying “we wish the people we stole from to make the model were more conservative, so we’ll just make it more that way”?  Like, Zuck just doesn’t like actual people?MM: Zuckerberg Encourages Theatergoers to Use Their Phones While Movie Is PlayingWho Won the Week?DR: Stoners: 4/20, Twinkies, and physical nobs in SubarusMM: Hall monitors - Roblox CEO says he wants to protect your kids — but you're going to need to pitch in, too.PredictionsDR: Business Roundtable urges SEC to adopt annual meeting rule requiring investors to memorize a unique 40-digit PIN that gains them entry into the meeting roomMM: Meta’s oversight board rebukes company over policy overhaul - Meta said it will respond to oversight board’s distress about community notes and policy shifts in 60 days.  The prediction: Meta’s response will be to shut down the oversight board.  OVERSIGHT IS SO 2019.