Chapter XXXVIII

(Previous Chapter Thirty-Seven) (Book Homepage & Chapter List) (Next Chapter Thirty-Nine)5th Day in the 1st of Delód’s Months, Rainy Season, in the First Year of King Feyaz’s Reign, 127th Reckoned Year…but of them all, the tower whale is able to breach the highest, despite being the largest known species. This is because tower whales boast the strongest tail of all. They need this strength to survive, as they swim through the thick forests of tower vines, feeding on the tiny rilsh…“Breaching Habits of Whales”, From Sea Life of Yath, written by Remull Mawgard in the 100th Reckoned Year and Revised in the 124th YearCheese glances out the window in the rear wall of the captain’s quarters. Outside there are a few passersby who have stopped to gawk at the beauty of The Painful Lady. Cheese makes an offhand comment, “Ain’t they got nothin’ better to do?”The Big Man looks and sees them standing on the dock. “Oh aye, they do. But beautiful art demands attention. You forget the beauty of our Lady because she is familiar to you.”Bor and Pickett enter the cabin, the last of the crew. Cheese quips, “Took ya long enough.”“The need to eat does not stop for anything, even war.” Bor says simply.“Well,” Chapel cuts in, “we need a plan. Or even just ideas, any ideas.”Mavis speaks first, seeming resigned. “Captain — what about the war? We’re too late to stop it. The signal ships have been lit.”The General mutters under his breath and Petsune realizes that he has become shaky since the horn sounded this morning, officially launching the Royal Navy. Chapel answers his First Mate but speaks for the whole crew’s benefit. “Just because you can’t stop something before it starts doesn’t mean you can’t stop it at all.” The Captain looks around at his crew — his family — and says in a fond voice, “We might be too late to prevent it from starting, but we’re not too late to do anything. Now, does anyone have any ideas for how we can stop this war?”Petsune doesn’t know how the Captain projects such an air of calm confidence, but he’s glad for it regardless. He speaks up, the first to break the charged silence. “We also need to be wary of Devishaw —”“Who in the depths is Devilslaw?” Sprig interrupts.Cheese snorts, but Chapel answers Sprig patiently. “He’s the King’s Right Hand, commander of the Royal Navy. And my father…”Petsune picks up where he was, “He will try to stop us, in whatever way is necessary. Especially if we try to end this peacefully.” There are despondent faces and a few murmurs, but Petsune continues. “For now, unless we can come up with a better idea, I say we write to the leaders and plead for a meeting. If I write to them as the Cleave of Coldor, maybe they will grant us an audience and—”Shushilah raises a finger, interjecting a question. “But what are we saying to them? The Dintish have lost a King now, yes? They will not be wanting to end in peace, I’m thinking.”“I know… but if we can get them all together, maybe we can expose Devishaw somehow. He wants this war so badly that he might say something or make a mistake that gives him away, if we push. I was awake all through the night trying to come up with something, but this is the best I could come up with. If I sign the letters as the Cleave of Coldor and use this,” Petsune holds up his parents wedding bands, “to seal them, maybe it will get us an audience. If we get all the leaders in one place, maybe we can goad Devishaw into slipping up.”Benafield goes slightly wide-eyed at the sight of the bands. “Aye. That is not a bad idea, little Pet. But where did you get these rings?”Petsune looks at them fondly, resting in the palm of his hand: two rings melded into one two-finger ring. “They were my Deepblood talisman. I used them because they were the only belonging I ever had, but even if they weren’t, they would still be special to me.”Bor speaks up, seeing the scope of the problem is much bigger than they had imagined. “Even if we can get these letters to them, what are we supposed to say in them? What could possibly convince them to consider meeting with you?”The Captain speaks reassuringly to the entire crew, “We will work on that, that’s why we’re here. So long as we’re doing something.”Petsune picks up Chapel’s thought, “Yes. That’s why we’re here — we need ideas, any ideas, on what to say.”Chapel finishes with an added thought, “— because this isn’t just Petsune’s problem, it’s a family one. We’re all affected by this.”The room hushes until Cheese speaks. “Maybe we can give ‘em something?”The Big Man chimes in, “What could we possibly offer them?”Cheese shoots back, “I dunno, but least I’m thinking!”The Big Man squints his eyes at Cheese. “Are you saying that I am not thinking? That I do not think?”“Maybe I am, Bennie — what’s it to ya?” Cheese jibes back.Petsune is actually glad to see some of the friendly banter return between Cheese and The Big Man, but he cannot come up with any good responses to either of them.Chapel considers, turning in circles and tapping his chin in thought. He slowly gazes upward and seems to hatch an idea. Pet sees a flicker of devious intent flash across his face, then disappear so quickly he wonders if it was even there at all. The Captain stops pacing his small track and addresses the crew. “We need to think about this, we definitely don’t want to make any rushed decisions. But, I think we should follow the navy, northward. If we want any hope at all of gaining an audience, we’ll need to be where they are.”As the group begins to disperse and converse, Pet becomes aware of the General’s immobility. He walks over and attempts to speak to Tarlatan, however the General is unresponsive. Chapel also notices and wanders over, laying a hand on the General’s shoulder. Tarlatan startles slightly and then looks from the Captain to Petsune. “What? Oh, terribly sorry. I, um, seem to have lost myself for a moment there, hmm.”“Are you feeling alright, General Tar?” Chapel asks.“Oh, yes, yes. Quite. Thank you. Just need some fresh air.”The General exits the cabin, and Petsune raises a questioning eyebrow at Chapel. He sighs heavily. “Yeah, I know. It’s the war. The idea of staying close to it, I would guess.”“What can we do for him?” Pet asks.“Just be here for him. Listen, be patient. Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t want to cause him stress, but we have to do something.”“I agree,” Pet answers, “I will try to talk to him and be there to lend an ear.”Chapel looks fondly at Petsune. “Thanks, Pet. I wanted to say another thing too.”“Oh?”“Yeah. I have an idea, or at least, the beginning of one, but I want to know what you think.”“Alright,” Pet says curiously, “let’s hear it.”As General Tar exits to the main deck, the two conspire in the captain’s cabin.The General emerges into the sunlight and breathes deeply, trying to dispel any shakes he has. Being back in the Misty Shoals was hard, but returning to the Royal Mass and seeing the navy is even harder. He feels a shaky tremble in his limbs and a deep sickness in his stomach, all the while hating himself because he feels like a coward. Just as he begins to mentally chastise himself, Benafield walks over. “General.”“Hmm, Big Man.”“I do not wish to make you talk, but I can push you to, if that would help?”“I’m afraid I don’t know what would help, Benafield… Hmm, I feel so… useless.”“Nonsense.” Benafield says firmly.“Mmm… do you know why I was discharged from the navy? I should have been executed. I almost would’ve rather been…” The Big Man doesn’t say anything, but he thinks he understands. The General watches the other ships docked at the Trade Harbor, then speaks. “I am a coward, Big Man. Plain and simple. I fear I am more craven than I thought.” The General turns to watch the immense naval fleet sailing northwest, some with brown sails but most with blue. Benafield is not sure if he should comfort Tarlatan or not, so he tries to imagine what little Pet would do. He chooses not to speak.General Tar looks down at the deck beneath his boots. “I ran, Benafield. I didn’t fail on an assault, I didn’t get injured in the heat of battle, though I had seen more than a few… It just… It got to be too much, hmm? I had watched too many men die, some by my own hands…” General Tarlatan looks down at his hands, then up to Benafield, “so I ran. I deserted, and men — men I was responsible for — died, because of me. They died because I am a coward. Even now I tremble at the mere mention of following the navy toward war.”Benafield nods in solidarity, understanding the feelings. He decides to speak, now that the General has unburdened himself. “Aye. I understand, General.” The Big Man breathes in deeply, filling his immense lungs, then let’s put a long slow sigh. “My family… when they died in the mines of Vohfay, I nearly killed the foreman. I had him within my power, but I looked around and saw so much pain and grief and death… I could not do it.” The General is surprised at the admission, but he continues to listen, “I thought myself a coward. I could not even avenge my own family… I later learned that the foreman was made to dig deeper, in search of Saintstone deposits.”Now the General speaks in a whisper, “So it wasn’t completely his fault… Hmm, I see.”“It was and it was not,” Benafield says, “but I am still thankful I did not kill him.”“And what am I to be thankful for? Those men died because I deserted.”“Maybe. Maybe not. This foreman I had words with, he was moved to a new plot — a new mine — after the collapse.”“He didn’t lose his position?”“No, he did not. I learned later that another mine had collapsed under his watch. He was not so lucky to survive twice. No one was. So, tell me, General, should I have killed him? Are the deaths of those that died in the second collapse on my hands?”“Hmm… I should think not. They would have simply hired a new foreman, and carried on with the digging…” The General realizes what The Big Man has done, and he smiles slightly. “I see then. You think I am not to blame because it was inevitable, hmm?”Benafield looks away, smiling slightly and shrugging his shoulders. He begins to walk away, speaking over his shoulder, “I do not know, General. But I think for the both of us, it is better to choose not to bloody our hands and feel shame, than choose to bloody them and feel pride — yes?” As the Big Man walks away, he feels a glow of pride at the thought that if little Pet or the Captain had that conversation, they probably would’ve said something just like that. Benafield feels a revitalized purpose, like something being kindled. He finds it is easy helping people, and for the first time since he lost his family, that pain and loss morphs into something bitter but sweet.Chapel and Petsune exit the captain’s cabin, still conversing about the letters. “I think it could work,” Petsune says, “But we still don’t have a good way to get them to listen. The tricky part is getting all of the leaders in one place. How’re we going to do that?”Chapel thinks as the two of them take the stairs to the helm. “I don’t know, but we’ll come up with something. We have to.”Chapel nods to Mavis, who is doing checks on the ship. As they walk past, Chapel says something that catches Pet off guard. “Have you thought about what you will do after this?”“What do you mean?”“I mean let’s assume we’re successful, because I don’t want to think we won’t be. Assuming that, what happens next for you? Will you stay with us aboard the Lady, or go on to lead Coldor, or go back to one of the churches and argue with street criers?”Petsune chuckles but feels the weight and importance of this choice looming over him like a storm. “I don’t know… I’ve tried not to think about it.”“Well, maybe you should.”“I want to stay aboard the Lady, it feels like home. But Coldor needs a Cleave, and that is my responsibility, and it could be my home, if I wished it.”Petsune could be mistaken but Chapel’s shoulders seem to slacken just a little. “Coldor is your home, Petsune, but you’ll always have one here too, if you want. Just… give it some thought.”“Of course. You’re right. I will think about it.”The two of them reach the helm and Chapel fondly grabs two of the rungs on the outer wheel. Petsune glances around at the beautiful ship, continuing to think of Coldor and the role of Cleave. “The Cleave has to be a married couple, so technically I’m not even eligible.”Chapel releases the ship wheel and shrugs off Pet’s comment. “Eh, I think after 30 years of an Empty Throne — they’ll settle for just you.” He taunts with a wink.“Thanks…”Mavis joins them at the ship wheel. “The Lady’s sea-worthy, Captain, though she’ll not be dancing until we get proper repairs on that splintered root. Those drownin’ shipwrights wanna charge a fortune for any sort of ship work, so we’ll have to fix her somewhere else. I did get the longboat you requested. It’s an old one, not very big, but it’ll do.”Petsune turns to Chapel and says in serious tones, “So, when do we leave?”Mavis gives Chapel an indecipherable look shrouded in nebulous body language, and also an ambiguous grunt. Chapel looks from Mavis to Petsune. “We’re ready whenever you are, Pet.”Petsune sighs and looks out at the barely visible navy. “Alright, I’ll write the letters, then go to the Roost and send the messenger beaks, then we’ll weigh the anchor…”They all three silently agree. Below the helm, on the main deck, General Tar feels a dense atmosphere of anticipation settle in amongst the crew. Up in the crow’s nest, the Big Man shifts from humming to lightly singing a shanty of his own.“We held the strong waves; we snatched them to keep.Out in the ocean, out on the sea.We stood on the sky; we laid in the deep.Out in the ocean, out on the sea.”As Benafield sings, the entire crew stops to listen. It is an entrancing melody that perfectly complements the depth of his Fellbin voice.“We stored up the wind; we piled it in heaps.Out in the ocean, out on the sea.We put sunlight in barrels,sang all our carols,and a sweet song we did reap.Out in the ocean, out on the sea.”Petsune notices it is unusually quiet, as though the world has hushed to hear the Big Man’s melody. He sings on, his deep voice growing softer, but somehow seeming louder.“We made moonlight our bed; stars sang us to sleep.Out in the ocean, out on the sea.We heard the whales sing, and with the whales we did weep.Out in the ocean, out on the sea.”When Pet looks around, he notices that in fact the whole world has hushed. The docks have become still and silent, listening to the song. It carries through the docks, quieting the bartering and haggling.“We bailed out bad luck in buckets,We raised quite a ruckus,Now from our yard arm we leap.Out in the ocean, out on the sea.”Now The Big Man’s voice tapers off, only to return in a fine, thin whisper that travels from the crow’s nest into the ear of every person on the dock.“Yes, out in the ocean, that’s the life for me.Out in the ocean, out on the sea…”Then, just like that, the market seems to snap back into its bustling chaos, as though there aren’t a few old sailors wiping tears from their eyes. Petsune looks around, unsure if the quiet reverence even occurred, or if he was simply so drawn into The Big Man’s singing that he thought everything froze. He breathes deeply, then looks at the Captain. Chapel is completely enamored with the song and has the most pure and beatific smile on his face. The General wipes his eyes and unsuccessfully tries to sniff discreetly.While no part of this book or the audio will be paywalled, if you are enjoying it and want to support but can’t afford the book, my Substack paid subscription is 60% off the yearly ($12 a year, forever) and 50% off the monthly ($2.25 a month, foreeeever) Get full access to Loser’s Fiction at losersfiction.substack.com/subscribe