Cleaning Up Toxic Positivity

Positivity is essential for dealing with a rough world. But when does positivity turn toxic? Episode 27 of the Faithful on the Clock podcast highlights how to be encouraging while staying firmly grounded and realistic. 

Timestamps:

[00:05] - Intro

[00:40] - I like talking about toxic positivity in the hope of Marie Kondoing the mind!

[01:10] - Definition of toxic positivity and examples

[01:59] - Toxic positivity harms both individuals and organizations. It damages trust and productivity. 

[02:21] - The white bear or ironic process theory in psychology says that, if you tell yourself or someone else not to think about something, the harder it is not to think about it.

[03:03] - A study from Brock Bastian found that people feel sad more intensely and more often when they perceive that others think they should feel happy. The white bear idea, combined with Bastian’s study, suggests that when you tell people not to think about hard things or give people their feelings aren’t legitimate, it tears them down.

[03:46] - Many of the phrases or verses Christians use to be positive can come across as toxic if you don’t approach them the right way.

[05:11] - Positivity doesn’t mean ignoring reality. It means that, even when you acknowledge the realities, you’re confident because of the skills, experience, or resources you have.

[05:32] - Handling toxic positivity well means not brushing anything under the rug and highlighting the specific reasons you think you or someone can overcome hurdles.

[06:59] - Modeling can normalize mental health language and show people how to reach out.

[07:34] - Having confidence in God is not the same as wearing rose-colored glasses that distort your life. The more specific you are, and the more you hear people out with respect, the better off you’ll be.

[08:32] - Prayer

[09:07] - Outro/What’s coming up next

Key takeaways:

• Toxic positivity refers to attempts to be positive that end up minimizing or invalidating the feelings of others. It can provide false reassurances or feel accusatory in ways that make people feel guilty or inadequate.
• Research indicates toxic positivity harms individuals and organizations. It relates to the ironic process theory. It also connects to additional research that showed people feel worse–and feel that way more often–if they perceive that others think they should feel happy.
• Avoiding toxic positivity in Christian groups is difficult. Many of the common phrases or verses we pull on can sound dismissive or judgmental if not properly approached.
• Positivity doesn’t mean ignoring realities. It just means you approach those realities with the confidence that you can overcome the hurdles in front of you.
• Showing true positivity instead of toxic positivity means not brushing anything under the rug. You put issues front and center, acknowledge what others are thinking and feeling, and are specific about why you think you can overcome the problems.
• Modeling can help normalize mental health language and show people it’s OK to reach out.
• There is a difference between seeing life through dismissive, rose-colored glasses to your detriment and having legitimate confidence in God. Being specific and talking to people respectfully will be reassuring to people more than generics tossed out without real appreciation of each person.

Relevant Links:

'Only good vibes allowed!' - How toxic positivity in the workplace can damage employee morale

Feeling bad about being sad: the role of social expectancies in amplifying negative mood

Suppressing the 'white bears'

CTAs:

• When someone on your team is struggling or there is an issue facing your company, acknowledge it fully. Show that you know the feelings and problem are legitimate, but explain specifically why you or others should have confidence. Model mental health language and reaching out.

What’s coming up next:

Companies often have to change leadership, especially as they scale. Episode 29 of the Faithful on the Clock podcast explains how Biblical leaders handled these types of transitions and why their strategies still can work in your modern company.