Comes Back To Bite You In The Proverbial Ass

TranscriptSureEyes: [00:00:00] you're listening to quintessentially mental a podcast hosted by sureEyes, please note that this host is not a mental health practitioner or professional, and this podcast is not made for treatment of any mental illness. [00:00:21] spudcaster: [00:00:21] Quintessentially mental: The podcast is produced and hosted by spudcaster for baobulb.org[00:00:28] SureEyes: [00:00:28] Hey, y'all this is quintessentially mental, the podcast. And I'm your host Cherise today's episode is called, comes back to bite you in the proverbial ass. I think this was inspired by obviously, you know, Events in my own life where I either made a decision or didn't make a decision, did something or didn't do something.[00:00:53] And it came back to bite me in the ass, meaning, you know, I had to pay for it that action or inaction at some point. And so in today's episode, I really want to kind of look at, reflect on and poke about. When we repress or block our trauma, do it on purpose or not whether we do it consciously or not. Um, and its effect on not only our, our mental health in so far as it pertains to the feelings that we have for our, you know, of ourselves and of our world, around us, but also, and how it affects our behaviour.[00:01:38] You know, and whether we become conscious that this is, you know, the, the behaviours that we're displaying are actually as a result of former hurt pain experience. That has been, that we've blocked out that we've repressed, that we suppress, that we don't look at, that we refuse to deal with, whether we do that, as I said, intentionally or not consciously or not.[00:02:10] Um, I think it's important because you know, for a long time, especially in our coloured communities, so to speak, you know, we, we have this idea that. You know, we should just bite the bullet or, you know, keep a stiff upper lip. And we shouldn't actually, you know, it's just life. It is what it is. We need to soldier on and not really question what that means for ourselves and how that actually impact and affect us.[00:02:41] And so I'd like to talk to, you know, a friend of mine, her name's Robyn, um, where this has been a major theme in her journey and has been a major, you know, impact and influence in her life. Um, like I said, you know, if I look at it, if I look at my perspective on this topic of, you know, repressing, suppressing, ignoring, blocking trauma, um, and how it's affected me, you know, there's always a story I tell where it's not my proudest moment.[00:03:16] It's not mine. You know, it's not way, um, displaying the best Cherize, um, not at the best version of myself, but I was, I was, you know, I, it was a time in my life where I had gone through a very devastating relationship. Um, I was in this relationship for eight years on and off and this relationship was marked by, you know, incessant and consistent cheating.[00:03:49] Um, I wouldn't say emotional and verbal abuse. Um, you know, it was, it was just a relationship that on the whole didn’t serve me, but because of the point that I was at in my own journey and we are, was with myself, you know, I had very low self-esteem. I didn't, you know, I thought that a lot of what was going on in the relationship was my fault.[00:04:18] Um, and so I, I didn't really pay it much attention. I didn't really, you know, think that it was something. That needed to be dealt with. It was rather, you know, something that I was causing. And so not only was I not dealing with the events that were, you know, that were playing out in my relationship and how that was affecting me, but I was also adding another layer of kind of self critique, self hate, self blame.[00:04:53] All of these things impacting the