Communicating With The Kids

Welcome back to the Divorced but Never Defeated Podcast. Since our last episode, we have both learned even more about life after a divorce. We are so glad we finally get to share some of these new discoveries with all of you. I (Divorced Dad) have recently been reflecting on what it looks like to find identity in who I am, and not necessarily in the difficult and costly 3-year process I’ve been walking through. To zoom out from the difficult parts of life and view myself and my life more holistically and positively.I (Divorced Mom) am sensing a transition from surviving to thriving, as I’m  learning how to exit crisis mode. In today’s episode, we are going to focus on best practices when communicating with your children after a divorce.But first, a quick note on custody. If I (Divorced Dad) could speak to the recently separated people-pleasing version of myself, I would tell him to be very careful around what he agrees to as a “short, temporary” custody arrangement. Because in my case, official custody hearings took multiple years. Seek guidance and counsel as soon as you can. Even if you’re not convinced a divorce is going to happen. Even if you couldn’t imagine your former partner getting manipulative around custody. You’ll want to plan for the possibility of a worst-case-scenario anyway, by saying less, and talking with a legal expert more.Now, if your custody arrangement allows for phone calls with your child when they are with the other parent, we encourage you to approach those phone calls with care, curiosity, and connection. Calling shows that you care, because you’re reaching out and taking the time to chat no matter where your child happens to be. Asking about things that the child is interested shows that you’re curious about their life and world. And, talking as consistently as possible maintains and strengthens the connection that you have with them. In this episode, we each share our thoughts on whether calls should be video or audio, reasonably privacy considerations for family members, and how you might want to respond when a co-parent is feeding your children inaccurate suggestions about you.  Let’s continue to stay strong as we model calm confidence and loving communication to our kids.