Confident, not controlling: what "take charge in bed" actually means

When a woman asks a male partner to "be more assertive in bed," those words are typically landing differently than she intends — and differently than he's hearing them. This is a gendered language problem, and it's causing real confusion, frustration, and disappointment in real relationships.There is a real vocabulary mismatch about "dominance" and "assertiveness" rooted in how men and women are socialized differently as children around anger, aggression, and sexuality — and once you see it, you can't unsee it.In this episode, you'll learn:Why "assertive" and "dominant" mean different things depending on how you were socialized — and why that gap is doing damageThe five things women typically mean when they ask for more assertiveness in bed — for women who want to understand how to ask more effectively, and for the partners trying to meet itWhy aggression shuts desire down at the nervous system level — and what works insteadWhat "attuned confidence" actually means and how to build itWhat the masculine/feminine polarity content getting popular right now is actually teaching — and why it's harming real libidosSimple scripts for both of you: how to say what you actually mean, and how to ask what your partner actually meansMost couples are having the wrong conversation about this. This episode gives you the right one.Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guideMore links: Substack at https://laurajurgens.substack.com/Pleasure Path Diagnostic here: https://laurajurgens.com/diagnostic/About me, testimonials, blog, bookings: https://laurajurgens.com/Wheel of Erotic emotions, go to: https://laurajurgens.com/wheelCopyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.