Constant Attacks

Do you feel like you’ve been under attack since your divorce?On today’s episode of Divorced But Never Defeated, we talk about the feeling of bracing ourselves for a consistent barrage of slander and resistance, and how we’re even learning to laugh about it.It’s important to remember that your ex behaves how they behave. We’re wise to refrain from expecting something different than what they’ve consistently shown us and to detach our emotions from their actions (and all the other things we can’t control).One area where both of us are experiencing attacks is the area of money. We hope that sharing our experiences can help you feel less alone, and serve as a lesson in some things you could consider doing and not doing in your own situation.The truth is, we don’t have a guarantee that everything will shake out completely fair. Certain things may even affect your kids, which is so frustrating to watch and experience. We talk about some of our exes’ tactics including concealing information, making untrue statements about their financial situations, and attempting to weaponize restraining orders or other similar court orders. We also share that in our own dating relationship, after these unhealthy previous marriages, we’ve been more than willing to present evidence to each other to support our stories.I (Divorced Mom) am learning how to bring up issues and not fear conflict now that I’m in a safe relationship. I also share a bit about what it was like to have a restraining order denied because of lapsed time.I (Divorced Dad) on the other hand, am learning to temper my temperament and not get overly impassioned, whether it’s in the normal, healthy moments of conflict within our dating relationship, or whether the ongoing situation of slander from my ex activates me at a given time.We are both people of faith, but sometimes even the Christian communities we’re part of can fall short of providing the presence, support, or understanding we may wish for. I (Divorced Dad) share what I’ve learned from this experience, and how I’ve processed as some friends have believed my ex’s false narratives about me.So, it’s realistic and wise to be ready for triggers, and be patient as old patterns change within yourself. If you’re dating someone or remarried, make sure there is open communication about what you each experience as a result of your past. And of course make sure you’re with a safe, emotionally healthy person.Learn how to stop letting your ex have power over your emotional state. Root yourself in the moment and move forward. Thank you for listening to this episode. We’re in this together!