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Grab yours now at StellaBlueCoffee.com, Amazon, and select retailers nationwide. On today's part of my take, we have Tim Woods, the return, the return of Tim Woods, the return of Dungeons & Dragons. We have him in studio. It is awesome.
We're going to talk some NBA playoffs, Suns, in the finals, breaking down to Patrick Beverly, Chris Paul, ending, breaking down, Steve Ballmer, talk some NIL. We have officially sponsored an athlete, Bryson's Caddy quit on him, Firefest of the Week, but Tim Woods, Tim Woods is the way to go. We're going to send you off into the holiday weekend. Before we do all of that, we're going to get right back to the show.
We're up. Thank you. No, no, no. Come on.
This is not happening. Turn off the water. There's the shuttle. The pipe.
There, there. Gosh, it's everywhere. Are we covered for this? Don't know.
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Back to part of my take. Okay. Let's go. Today is Friday, July 2nd, and oh, my God.
Is it a bummer watching the Eastern Conference Final without Giannis or Trae Young? I did it with the Price of the Right horn. That's what it felt like. But credit to the box.
Credit to the box. Brooke Lopez is scoring, what, 33 points? Brooke Lopez. What did I say?
Yeah, no, I'm saying Brooke Lopez. That was like a rapper. Like, I'm helping put some emphasis again on Brooke Lopez. You said Brooke Lopez.
I said Brooke Lopez. Brooke Lopez. Brooke Lopez. 14 of 18.
Brooke Lopez. Absolutely dominant. Is Giannis a system center? I don't know what people are saying.
But yeah, that's how bad that it is. It's tough to watch. The series has become tough to watch. I was hoping, every time I see, what's his name?
Thanassis? Atatakumko? Is that his name? Every time I see him, I just keep hoping he'll step out on the court and he'll be like five inches taller and 60 pounds heavier and way more athletic and just start to play like his brother.
And I'll be like, oh, that's the Atatakumko twin. He's just as good as Giannis. And it never works out that way. But yeah, it's tough to watch.
It's not a knock on the box. I know some people will say, well, you're knocking the box. No, I actually think the box deserve a ton of credit because they all stepped up. You had Drew play a great game.
You had Chris Middleton. Bobby Portis. Crazy guy Bobby Portis, who I still love. Go there and you're like, even ESPN had, you know, they had their live like scoreboard right on the main page.
It had Trae Young dribbling the ball with Giannis defending it. Like that's what they're still pushing as the series. And that's just not what we're getting. And it sucks as a basketball fan to watch it and be like, man, I really wish both these teams were healthy and we had Giannis going up against Trae Young.
Unfortunately, that's not the case. Credit to the box. I do think that if Trae Young doesn't come back in this series, I think the box will probably win this series at seven. I'm going to say seven.
So they'll also win another game. But it's just a bummer. It just feels like a bummer. Yeah.
I don't know. The box probably win the next game too. I don't. Yeah.
So it's honestly tough. When you all, when it's all coming down to like the role players and who's going to step up, it is tough to expect teams to perform back to back in dominant fashions. And like the box dropped, what, 123 tonight? Like, I don't know if they're going to be able to, you can't rely on the role players getting that many points again in the next game, especially like if it's in Atlanta.
So it's really, it's like, it's a toss up to me. It's just, it is a big bummer because I, every time I watch these teams out there, it's like I do, I physically miss Trae Young in this game. Like my eyes are watching the Hawks play with no Trae Young. They're always looking like, oh, is that guy Trae Young?
Is that guy Trae Young? And it never is. The only reason that I say that the Hawks will win game six, I think, I think the Bucks are a better team with, you know, they were a better team with Giannis. If you take out Trae Young and Giannis, they're still a better team.
The, um, the Hawks just every single time, it feels like everyone writes them off. That's when they come out. Like they have done that. It feels like five times in these playoffs where everyone has doubted them and then they just showed up and did their thing.
So I think there's a toughness to the Hawks that will, will shine through in game six. I've been very wrong many, many times before. So it could be wrong here, but I do love Brook Lopez. I love, he just moves so slow, but he still is able to do some, like he's still able to compete at this level, but it's, it looks like, you know, the old saying, like piano on your back, he runs with a piano on his back.
He runs like his, both his legs are like huge redwood trees. And he's like, it's, it doesn't make sense. But then he's out there and he just has a nice touch and hits some threes and does everything else. And I don't know, maybe Brook Lopez will be your Giannis.
Maybe Brook Lopez will be your final MVP. It's been the craziest playoffs in that regard. I actually think the way that Brook Lopez plays right now is probably going to be the exact way that Giannis plays when he's like 60 years old. If you could put Giannis in a time machine and go that far in the future, that's what, that's what the Lopez twins look like.
How is it possible that Stanford lost any games at all when they had both those guys? Well, it's crazy too, because there was a time when the Lopez twins were kind of like semi-bust and they both had nice careers. And I just, I think my favorite part about Brook Lopez is when you, you know, in today's NBA, especially guys are so quick and their first step is so quick. And Brook Lopez doesn't get to his like full speed until he's like a step.
His first step is truly a, like, we're winding this up. It's almost like cranking an old car. Here's my first step. And then, and then he gets going, but it's, I don't know.
Maybe that's what we'll do. No, let's just become Brook Lopez guys. And that's where we'll find the enjoyment in this series. Sure.
Yeah. Watching Brook Lopez excel at the tender age of 46 or however old he is. How old is Brook Lopez? I feel like he's sneaky younger than we think.
Let's take a guess. Okay. My honest guess is that he's 34 years old. I was going to say 33, 34.
He's one of those guys where I find out how old he is and I get depressed because I'm older than him. He's 33. Yeah. Yeah.
That makes me feel awful. All-time leader in Nets points. Yep. Don't you fucking forget it.
Legend. Katie will surpass that in like November of next year. I'm sure. Okay.
Let's talk Suns. Suns in the finals. Chris Paul legacy game. Skip challenged him.
He came through that second half when they came, when the Clippers looked like they were coming back and Chris Paul came back in the game. He ended up with 41. He ended up with an all-time great flopping performance. He deserves all of the credit.
He deserves, you know, all the accolades that are being thrown at him right now. Am I happy for Chris Paul? That was my first question for you. Are we happy for Chris Paul?
We are happy for Chris Paul in a very selfish way because as a Suns podcast, it makes us look smart for picking the Suns. Now, if Chris Paul was playing on any team besides the Suns, we would be like, that guy is a P word and flops all over the place. So I think, yes, we are happy for him, but only as long as he can do something career, you could win all the time throughout your career. That's great.
You could win early and fade. That kind of sucks, but at least you won early. So people will say, well, he's a winner. The Aaron Rodgers method.
Chris Paul, though, is doing a great method here in that he now gets all the pent up. Did we underrate Chris Paul? Did we not appreciate Chris Paul enough? It becomes a Chris Paul love fest for the next two weeks.
Not saying he doesn't deserve it. He does deserve it. But I think that's just a beautiful thing. I know he didn't plan it this way, but that's a great thing to have.
So, you know, it's the John Elway method is what we'll call it, where there's many years where people kind of shit on you and like, hey, you can't win the big one. And then if he goes all the way and wins this NBA title, the amount of love that Chris Paul will get, it will make it all worth it. Henry, your system? I was just going to say, the other element of that is the fact that him and Monte Williams came up together.
He was a coach in New Orleans. He was in Chris Paul's wedding party. So, like, they're a player coach, but they're also like brothers in arms. So that's a cool story, too.
That's a good point. Yeah. The completion. Would this be the completion of the banana boat gauntlet?
Yeah. Well, I mean, we all agree that the fourth seat that was left empty was for Melo. Jesus. He won a college title.
He won a college title. There you go. That's wild. It is.
With the same guy who coached Buddy Boeheim this year. Yeah. The banana boat. Monte Williams deserves a ton of credit.
I did think, like, it felt like the Clippers, they were a tough-ass team. I know that we, listen, we love storylines. Playoff P. He played great these entire playoffs, but he still is playoff P.
And he still gets to be made fun of. He probably doesn't deserve it this time around. He actually doesn't deserve it. But, uh.
He'll make those free throws work. Yeah. Dude. He also won them games that he should have won.
You know, like, Kawhi went down, and it's been the Paul George show. And Paul George isn't, like, what, I think I saw Emmanuel Acho, or maybe Sam was like, he's not an all-star. He's a some-star. It's like, hey, guess what?
It's okay to be, like, an all-star. And there's only, what, five, six, seven guys who can be, like, 1A. They're the best player on their team. They're the best player in the world at some point.
That type of guy. Paul George is pretty good. He's pretty good. He's a playoff P.
We will mock him. I have no problem still mocking him when he fucks up and says something stupid. But I'm going to give him at least a little bit of credit for the Clippers, like, losing Kawhi and still getting to this point. The problem with playoff Paul is that he's paid like he's a Mount Rushmore guy.
But he's not even a JV Mount Rushmore guy. If you're looking at, like, top-key players in the league. So everything with him is rated a little bit on a curve. Yeah, he had not a lot of help around him, and he wasn't able to do it on his own.
So I'm not going to get off that narrative just yet. It's too much fun. No, I agree. I'm not telling you to.
I'm not telling you to get off the playoff P narrative. I'm not getting off the playoff P narrative. I'm hitting a quick pause. It's almost like a save by the bell freeze.
And be like, you know what, playoff P? You did okay these playoffs. And then back to real life, you're a bum. I'm going to take a picture of your dog.
Okay, so I agree with where you're at. One minor tweak to it. I think that you should be in the scene with playoff P. And then you hit pause.
Then you tell the audience, listen, this guy is still kind of a bum. But in reality, he kind of impressed me. The bare minimum, this playoff series. Then you go back to the scene.
So he doesn't know that you said anything nice about him. Not only that, let's build off that. I say, hey, listen, pause scene. Playoff P.
Pretty good playoffs. Don't tell anyone I said this. But I think he proved this year that he has some toughness to him. That he has some fight to him.
That maybe he didn't have the years past. And then before I unpause, I put a banana peel right under his shoe. And he slips and looks like an idiot. And then I immediately tweet out, goddammit, playoff P.
Did it again. What a buffoon. Okay, I like that. The audience laughs raucously.
And then Mr. Belding calls you into his office. You go in there and he grabs your dick. And it's being played by Steve Ballmer.
Dude, that Ballmer clip. Steve Ballmer, do you think that Steve Ballmer tells the guys, hey, listen, fellas, floor seats, feet on the wood. Tonight, game six, Western Conference. Only thing I ask, if shit gets wild, I'm going to jerk off your leg and smack you in the balls.
It was honestly watching pornography. They had sex. That was a special laugh. There was contact between the hand, the genitals, there was gyration.
I think that's just, sometimes dudes get pumped and they just grab each other. You've been in a situation where I'm sure a dude's just gotten really excited and grabbed your leg and then jerked your leg off. It happens all the time, like at a sporting event. That poor guy on his right, who, credit to him for even putting up a little bit of a fight.
The guy on Ballmer's left was just like, listen, I signed up for this. These are six seats. I'm friends with Steve Ballmer. I'll probably go on a private jet later.
Yeah, Steve, just rub my leg down and jerk it off. But the guy on his right was like, hey, Steve, I'd rather not get my balls smashed in by you. But he even still, like, it wasn't that much of a protest. And Steve Ballmer, I'm going to say it right now, he's got to work on his stamina in the offseason because I've never seen someone get so gassed after jerking off their two friend's legs, quite like Steve Ballmer.
I know, I've never seen that before, exactly what Steve Ballmer did. But I have to imagine that other people, if they tried that maneuver, wouldn't be completely out of breath and falling down into their chair. No, I mean, AJ Chase was standing on her feet all night long when she was on sidelines. So I think of Steve Ballmer, if I were in that position, well, first of all, let's think about the ratio of the broadcast time spent not on Steve Ballmer and then the amount of camera time where Steve Ballmer was in the frame.
Probably about, what, like a 300 to one slip on that. And for that one tiny moment happened to be the time when he was caught jerking off the two guys next to him. You have to wonder how often that happens during a game when the camera's not on him. This might be just like, from starting whistle to the final buzzer, he's probably just rubbing off his bodies.
And he just happened to get caught this one time. The Clippers should absolutely, in their package, their local package, if they want to become a Clippers town, should sell a Ballmer cam for the entire game. I even, like, you know, it happened, I was just laughing my ass off. I fired off a few tweets.
I saw one person was like, how about we talk about the game and the players of the game? Like, how about we don't? How about we talk about Steve Ballmer being a fucking weirdo and just smashing his boy's balls because there was a sick dunk in the game? I'd rather talk about that because that was one of the most shocking things I've watched.
Yeah, and if you're that guy tweeting at you, telling you what to talk, that guy's spending all this time telling other people to stop talking about the guy jerking off his friends. He should be talking about the game instead of talking about that. Okay, here's the other thing. If you're sitting next to him and he reaches over and just smashes you right in your dick, he's a billionaire.
He owns Clippy. He's Mr. Microsoft. And he hits you in your ball sack.
You're on TV. How do you not take the opportunity to just fall down on the ground, call an ambulance over immediately, put a neck brace on, you get transferred to the hospital. That's your moment to shine. Like, if it happened to me, I would be filing a lawsuit before I got off the ground.
Like, the swelling would not have gone down my testicles before I'd be rejecting my first settlement offer. I also would be wearing a cup. I'd wear a cup. I'd wear, like, some type of, like, fireman pants so if the friction gets too hot when he's rubbing you down, at least you have protection on.
Like, I'd be wearing a NASCAR fire suit with a cup underneath all of my regular clothes if I sat next to Steve Ballmer again. That's actually my goal. So I want to sit next to Steve Ballmer at some point at a place where he's likely to get excited. And I'll be wearing just, like, one of those dog training suits where they can jump up and bite you anywhere and hang on.
I'll just be wearing that underneath my jeans, hoping that I get hit in the nuts, and then I can cash in and take. And it's probably worth, like, if he actually damages one of your testicles, you could probably take, what, 25, 30 million off him? Yeah, easily. You also could do, the alternate version is like a boxer.
You could just Vaseline up. Like, you go see your cup man in between corners, and you just make sure that you're just lubed up to the point where if he grabs you, he's not holding on. Yeah, listen, that was the highlight of the game, by the way. I've never seen that.
Well, let's talk about that real quick, because this is a weird situation for me, because I'm seeing one thing, and it feels like everyone else is seeing something else. frank komiski basically beat the fuck out of pap everly like he manhandled him he went up to him he shoved him so hard um wisconsin tough like that was it was it was crazy i actually am shocked that the nba hasn't fined frank for what he did to pap everly everyone was talking like he didn't do enough i thought he went too far i actually i was nervous because i was like do i even know this guy like i consider my friend and i'm like i've never seen anything like that out of him he doesn't know his own strength like what's going on here it was it was frightening it really was like i was i saw him do that and i was like i think you know a guy used to be a co-worker like that could have been me that he did that too i was around him all the time and if like that that could have been my face going like straight into uh the air next to where my face used to be and that would have been just brutal pft i woke my son up it happened at like 11 p.m i woke him up and i was like hey listen if you're thinking about watching game six of the sun's clippers don't because frank kominski doesn't act of violence technically um as are we still co-workers can we say that like i don't feel comfortable even saying that he's a co-worker but um i don't think we are so he's a recurring guest i think we should i think we should find the program i think we should find him send him a message well then he made up for it by chugging that beer in the parking lot because that's a fucking good ass dude if i was frank what i would do i would um i would just self-impose a two-game suspension uh from the finals i don't want to be distracted with the team i lost my cool uh i'll take this one on the chin and for the health and well-being of my opponents and my respective game i'll sit out the first two games on my own i got two other things about that pat beverly chris paul which really was the frank kominski shove that's how i'm gonna remember it um incident one is everyone acting like oh my god how could pat beverly do this i love this from pat beverly i know he's a heel i know that people don't like him but what does a heel do when they lose they act like a five-year-old and they're like fuck it i don't care i hate all of you like this sucks i'm gonna push everyone i don't know i thought that was i feel like that's better than pat beverly like shaking everyone's hand afterwards and being like good series no he went down in flames because he really dislikes everyone and that's the edge that he plays with so i had no problem with it no one got hurt yeah it was a cheap shot yeah it was lame like you know in terms of a cheap shot part of it but like pat beverly being like fuck it i'm just i'm going on a blaze of glory i'm getting ejected i'm pulling off my jersey that's how i want my heel like uh you know tormentor guy to go down yeah so my whole thing is there was a technical debt that had been accrued on the part of chris paul over the course of that game with the flops so he had acted like he had gotten shoved a couple times when there was no contact made and he had gotten some calls at that point you should be allowed to shove him and actually get your jollies in make contact with him to even up that debt that exists because he's got rewarded you haven't even gotten him yet so i think if you pretend to get hit and you get a call for it you should at some point get hit later on in that game and i don't know if you guys caught this but chris paul he like can't he can't break character because he got chugged and it was a cheap shot and he went down and then he still flopped i don't know if you saw he grabbed his head like he had gotten shot in the forehead and then he like had a moment of realization like wait we're up by 20 it's the fourth quarter we're going to the finals he popped back up he smiled he like flexed but he still even in that moment couldn't stop flopping and had like an actually put a little extra extra like cheese on that hot dog extra mustard on that hot dog that's what i'm looking for with that uh with that little extra like oh my head hurts now too because i got flopped like he's chris paul if you ever god forbid anyone ever gets a fender bender with him he probably drives around with a neck brace in his passenger seat yeah just ready to go always i think that i think that pat beverly you can't expect him to do anything different in that moment like what is what is pat beverly he is he's a firecracker that you toss into like the middle of a group of cats right that's what he's going to do he's always going to cause the most chaos for whatever situation he's in he's not going to go quietly into the night he's going to he's going to fuck around he's going to try to injure somebody and actually like he was pretty it's pretty dirty shove oh yeah i like i like billy's initial reaction and i wanted to hear a little bit more from all that because billy was the only person right now in the moment being like that is totally understandable by patrick beverly people got mad at him i was just thinking like if tom wilson had done something like that they would have buried him underneath the court but billy was the only person that was like standing up in the right of pat beverly to be pat beverly so i want to hear a little bit more from you i love how pat beverly plays so when i was watching the game i saw him guarding chris paul and chris paul was just flopping the whole time and when he finally shoved them i was kind of like yeah i can see how that happens because he plays the motion like he wanted to get his legs that's what i'm saying like you can't ask pat beverly to be that guy and then stop being that guy just like you can't ask chris paul to be the flopper and stop being the flopper like that whole interchange outside of frank kaminsky almost killing patrick beverly was like everyone kind of finishing their story arc of the series where it was like this is how it went like patrick beverly was going to end up getting ejected shoving chris paul chris paul was going to flop even on that shove and then the suns are going to win and go off to the title and hopefully win the title because we are a suns podcast um permission to go there yeah go there are we sure that pat beverly is a good defender or is he just like really fucking annoying and he doesn't stop well he's a little older now so i think like there's there's a debate of like i mean is he a good defender now he's not he's not what he used to be yeah he used to be very very good he's 32 years old like it's it's i think he's about to be 33 so it's clear that he's on the other side of like in his prime so he just he seems to me like a guy who he's better at being pat beverly than he is at playing defense well he still knows how to be yeah he's great at being pat beverly right the age takes away his athleticism but it doesn't take away his brain and his ability to be patrick beverly right he's like like a turbo what's his name deshaun stevenson he's like a turbo version of that guy now yes yes there you go shout out to pacers they're gonna make it in here at some point yeah you remember when it was uh it was like deshaun stevenson versus gilbert arenas and then it was uh deshaun stevenson his new rival was gonna be lebron deshaun stevenson he's great at fomenting rivalries against people who are seven times better than he is just just i mean it's actually genius because we're still talking about him to this day i think we're probably the only podcast i brought him up but it's it's a little you know lesson for everyone out there find a rival that's significantly better than you and everyone will still remember your name absolutely um okay so suns in four is our prediction for the nba finals this may be suns four uh give chris paul all the the uh accolades that he deserves give my man cameron payne all the accolades he deserves cameron payne that guy never lacks in confidence i love that part of his game he still thinks that uh he's mj whenever he's going to the hoop and he's like i got this i got this but uh yeah the suns have been really fun to watch and i'm yeah i think we're all rooting for a sun podcast but they're a fucking fun ass story also campaign makes hank look like he's got the chin from american dad campaigns chins oh that was not is that because of the i was saying i was saying that hank's got a great shape compared to campaign but putting him on that thanks thanks hubby all right let's talk some uh name image and likeness so the world was on fire today college athletes finally get paid uh martial sports is becoming a name image and likeness uh i don't know like we're i don't even know what we are at this point we're just signing everyone which i'm down for if you are an athlete a college athlete doesn't matter what level hit us up i think the uh what is it is it what's the email address that we're doing it's a url oh there's a url now yes that's right there's a url now so we'll put it in the i'll put it in the episode description so if you are a college athlete hit us up we unfortunately aren't we don't decide it personally so don't dm us do the actual thing of going to the google doc and signing up it's barstool.link slash athletes so we're signing basically the entire NCAA i don't know where this is gonna go i think it's gonna become yeah it's gonna become uh barstool save the world or there's gonna be like a rule set out there and then no one's allowed to play sports ever again because of us but either way i'm excited for it now we are also going to sign some exclusive special uh pmt barstool athletes so they have to be in the barstool affiliate first and then we will elevate them to uh it's like kind of it's like i never saw the avengers but i'm just gonna call it the avengers where we just decide uh the select few hanky they look like that was way off but i feel like i nailed that it's a lot like the avengers or it's like i don't know when you get hired to a company and then sometimes you get bumped up to the company's softball team and we're like the company's softball team yes which sponsors maybe even stockball athletes so we have one already we're gonna be select we're gonna roll them out throughout the seasons uh hank would you like to take actually ink this deal hank would you like to announce who the first pmt barstool athlete is uh yeah this person reached out to me earlier i was honored uh given everything that they have going on in the world so much so much responsibility and stuff uh someone whose values i've represented and been with the whole time someone who i really believe in and i'm happy and proud to announce our first pmt athlete is aoc yes alice o'connell from creighton yeah love it so print the headlines pmt endorses aoc pmt officially endorses aoc we understand the value of the worker yes yes alice o'connell welcome you are number one a one can't wait to root for you at creighton um but yeah we're no pressure no pressure but we're opening it's gonna be guys that we have like existing storylines with guys that we've talked to before talked about before so we're gonna keep it as more of a running thing here not just everyone and hopefully get them into some content too yeah so i tweeted out last night that i was right when the announcement came out i didn't think i just tweeted like i would like to personally i would like to sponsor a fullback uh in college football i think i think every single college fullback and blocking tight end dm yesterday so i've got we've got a lot of applications to go through yes so we're gonna take it slow we're gonna make sure that we pick the right athletes uh the ones that will embody the pmt brand that will carry that that uh that shining light on their shoulders and uh we're gonna definitely have a lot of fun with it i think that the best the best school so far that i've seen has been lsu in terms of just like straight up embracing it yeah the second that they announced it they put out that video that was in i lsu they were ready to go for it and it's i i think that that's the correct mentality to have like you can fight it you can like complain that oh this is gonna give certain teams certain advantages or whatever but at the end of the day you're still gonna have to deal with it so you can either fight against it and lose or you can try to be the very best at it oh you're missing a crucial crucial third thing you can do you can retire like a coward and take your ball and go home and fake that you have a back injury you want to spend more time with your 25 year old great granddaughter no i think isn't she like 30 i don't want to miss that too i don't want to make her do a farewell tour on the way out i don't want to miss anymore of her adult league dodgeball games that she's that she joined up in the city she just moved to my granddaughter is uh has a wedding next summer i don't want to miss it so yeah the teams that the teams that embrace embrace the nil are clearly going to be the best but it's it's kind of ridiculous because there are no rules really it's just like as long as you fill out your forms and get your taxes all squared away you can you can't do business with certain companies can you do like a porn hub just straight up sponsor an athlete well the by you released something that basically was like no uh gambling no adult entertainment no alcohol no coffee and i was like well fuck by you forever so that was in their list i also i do think there are rules i just don't think anyone's read them i i don't even think the people that are in charge of nca compliance right now because someone has the rules someone else i don't think anybody does i think i i don't think there is a rule i think that it's just literally every man for himself at this point yeah they might not even play sports anymore strong dudes with sweet haircuts taking checks from like america online to tell their grandparents to sign up for a free cd i don't know i don't know what it's gonna look like local local uh chevy sponsorships and uh you know the the chick-fil-a down the corner you're gonna you're gonna sponsor their sweet tea and that's it that's for yeah i'm cool with it yeah the sec on cbs this year is gonna be like hi i'm luke del rio for smoking vape shops only in only found on 8th avenue downtown jacksonville come on by blow it up what were you gonna say billy technically players can't have deals according to nil regarding alcohol legal drugs like weed tobacco um adult entertainment or gambling that's all but coffee coffee yeah but all the other stuff not okay we're not a gambling company yeah or a coffee company um okay all right let's uh last thing before we get to tim woods we have a great dungeon dragons coming up just another quick reminder no show monday so don't say where's the show hank where's the show also next week hank and liam are taking a vacation which they are much deserved so we're gonna have film producers jake and not jake marsh jake lasovsky and young sound bob so that's gonna be fun you get those guys in the mix we'll have a new show wednesday we have stew finder and jama rance and then friday i think we're gonna have our good friend riscilla on so we will have wednesday and friday shows next week no show monday wednesday friday we back out everyone have a safe fourth of july we're gonna say yes uh just for wednesday show we should do guys on checks with munchtown box and just girls any questions that you have about about tongue stuff that's that's the day that you're gonna want to get those questions asked he's gonna he's got you um last thing um i everyone just hates bryson i feel bad for him at this point his caddy so if you missed it bryson's caddy quit right before a tournament started today which i asked everyone around who knows golf and i guess that's not something that happens often because i genuinely didn't know it turns out the caddies don't quit the day before a tournament or the day of a tournament um are we is there a moment where we're gonna start feeling bad for bryson i would say i'm five percent feeling bad for bryson i would say i'm five percent feeling bad for bryson he's like dude you're soft absolutely i might be soft you're leading the charge wait no come on yeah you've asked this question too many times for you to not be feeling it at this point i believe i believe i believe the exact quote was that if uh air rogers and bryson were playing hitler hitler and osama bin laden yeah i said i'm rooting for hitler and osama correct now you feel bad for him no i said i said they're five percent of you i said they're five percent of me dude the guy's caddy can't stand him like that that's that's brutal yeah yeah that's like hitler and Stalin turning on each other that's like yes this should not be no we do not feel bad for bryson whatsoever in fact i'm happy with the only way that i will become team bryson is if bryson disavows himself that's the only way like his caddy i said it's never too late to do the right thing in life that's a good lesson for everybody out there just because you're going down the wrong path doesn't mean you can't redeem yourself by changing course on that his caddy yeah he was bryson's friend for a while helped him win some mickey mouse asterix tournaments but then he left because it was the right thing to do if bryson at some point comes out i was like i'm a fucking dork and i suck and i don't like myself at that point i'll be like you know what i think i'm team bryson he makes a lot of good points you guys are getting confused i will never in my entire life be team bryson ever i'm saying is there a small part of you like at some point you win so much which what we did we have beaten his brains his caddy can't stand the thought of him at some point you gotta be like you know what let's just let him go i mean look we did with jj watt we did we did Hank thinks that's a soft move too but that's because jj is different jj has shown a good side of himself and we like now with bryson listen it's kind of a bad mentality that you got back at you think that tom brady just wakes up one day he's like you know what i think i think five superbowls is enough Hank shick has said no because Hank knows no you go out there and you're all about the next listen if you want to call me a beta if you want to call me a beta because at some point i'm like hey maybe we shouldn't bully this guy to just like disappearing because it seems like we're on that road then i'm a beta that's fine his caddy quitting and us bullying are not related whatsoever i mean i just know it's more about like the fact that the guy's life is falling apart you know what i want to do here's what i want to do he needs to look in the mirror i guarantee you his next caddy he'll be a little bit nicer to like his caddy just quit his caddy quit he's not going to be nicer to his next caddy caddy he's bryson he can't change he's not he's gonna be terrible i mean who's left to be bryson it's gonna be like his mom because no one else wants to work with him at all like remember patrick reed brought his girlfriend out there because he couldn't find a caddy to actually take that's that's the level that we're at right now with bryson i i will not i don't want to go down this path the cat i think that um bryson what's the question i don't feel bad okay all right if he keeps having everyone in his life quit on him i will i'll continue silently i won't bring it up ever again feeling a little bit bad for the guy because i have a heart sorry i don't not in this case not when it comes to bryson i'm sorry i also i was thinking about it like you know what never mind i was it's what i'm saying for every tiny bit that you feel bad for bryson that's actually a little bit of your heart that could be going to feeling good for brooks i feel great for brooks i always read up they're not they're not like you can you can actually you're wrong that's actually wrong because you're spending so much energy hating bryson i'm using my energy for love for brooks putting my guy up and also max max i only have to put in the energy twice twice a week because he never makes the cut but i'm putting some energy into max friday and saturday friday those are big days for for me and max it turns out that bryson's caddy was the one that was living rent-free in bryson's head apparently he he got mad at his caddy because like bill mickelson the day before pretended to bend one of his clubs and bryson was like yo why'd you have my back on that and then there was another instance where like bryson went over and started signing some autographs for fans like his two both of them were there and his caddy forgot to like bring his putter between 10th and 11th green and so that was the final straw they got an argument or whatever i don't know how much that's true i just also i have no room no room in my heart for bryson's no bryson's allowed this is no bry zone right over here okay uh it's also like just being you know like at midnight for the instagram making your caddy stand there with his iphone flashlight battery on so that he can he can hit shots they're not going to help him beat brooks anyway because brooks beats his brains in every time they go one-on-one but yeah i mean i do feel for the caddy's welcome to come on the show um we'd love to hear a tell-all uh but yeah i uh i'll just i won't bring it up ever again i'm not even saying that i'm going to stop hating bryson i'm saying if there's a small part of me as a human being that's like this guy it sucks to be him man being a father big cat is really yeah i think other people sometimes once in a while i think about other people besides myself i'm sorry i'm sorry the guy needs millions of dollars playing golf yeah he doesn't have a fucking friend in his life because of himself that should be a wake-up call uh see he does have friends big cat that you don't watch his instagram videos like i do his buddies in the background shirtless in his garage hit the nautilus machine super hard those guys those aren't his friends those are friends they're using them for his resistance bands yeah they're using them so they can fucking get some protein shakes and some gains on it's pretty clear billy would be his friend if he if he could use his gym he absolutely would you know i don't think i don't think billy would ever lower himself to using a nautilus machine yeah that's true that's pussy shit oh really uh he has terrible curl form like he doesn't actually work out like he doesn't use half those machines you can tell also one thing i know about bryson he doesn't even look that big when he's not wearing a stupid stupid drop get murphy's hat yeah he looks but he does look less yeah beefy yeah his head looks smaller when he's wearing a normal person's hat i think i think he's pulling a little over eyes so i'm out on bryson you can i am too you guys are totally misunderstanding what i'm saying i'm still very much out on him i still very much don't like him i want him to lose all the time because it's very funny but i just i have a small piece of me where i'm like man this guy no one likes him no one likes him you see you see like jeffrey dommer and you're like you know what yeah you're right yeah now you hate people you're right good good analogy he was good around children that's how you gotta try to find yeah you're right that's exactly how you're like look at old jd you like to make people laugh so not all bad damn oh you're right you're right i uh i'm too soft i wish i'd be as hard as you guys all the time yeah me too all right let's get the dungeon of dragons we got tim woods uh this is a very good episode stella blue coffee's new can lattes are here 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with a good absolutely tim absolutely okay so uh it's been a while people probably don't remember where we are in our journey and by people i mean we don't i mean myself included it's been a while we're gonna jump back into things kind of after a long session but i do know that we end things on exciting cliffhanger yes the game never ends it's just always going on all right so give us the uh synopsis recap like uh previously on dungeons and dragons absolutely so on our previous episode of dnd we had made a journey where very few adventurers especially at level four end up going into the nine hells because we were pursuing somebody who is not alive somebody who is facing off against a powerful demonic creature known as the chemist our old companion berserker billy we know is having a bit of a showdown in the nine hells at the top of a very powerful huge tower where this demon waited and we made our way to the top of this tower successfully with the help of some of our baby dragons i've put a smattering of little dragons on the map to show that our little dragons are here they flew us up to the top of this tower successfully where we saw a confrontation culminate between the chemist himself and our old friend turned nemesis berserker billy we saw the chemist as he rose up to have a great confrontation seemingly go down pretty easily all things concern the chemist has fallen without too much of a fight and now berserker billy stands triumphant over this enemy i want to start things off by just saying that we are all level four right now but berserker billy to keep things interesting i want to reward you for your successful battle against the chemist i didn't see anybody else fight the chemist so berserker billy it's debatable it did seem like a lot of more it seems like a lot of more he's lying prone at the top of this tower and berserker billy you are level six right now whereas the other characters are only level four at the moment now they are on the very cusp of level five anything that we might do could level us up to level five but right now berserker billy you're standing a step ahead with a little bit more hip points he is dead he's like the kenny of south park rdnd game he's died every episode he is now a goliath in his infernal afterlife form technically speaking you are not a goliath at all but really a devilish creature who has still the form of your original life he's a dead level he's a hollow level six because i was going to say if this somehow turns out that billy wins this game you're in trouble in real life okay just want to say we're armed and dangerous yeah fake weapons uh all right so this is exciting so the chemist and billy berserker billy have gone at it we're sitting there watching we're ready to roll it seems like as the chemist went down first of all a wave of regenerate's fueled energy is flowing out from him and all of us are back up to full hit points and full spell slots we don't need to worry about anything that we did in previous sessions in terms of taking wounds erlik notably the warlock had taken some wounds i believe from some flames but erlik you are regenerated back up to your full hit points at the moment we have all of our resources but that goes for berserker billy as well oh no hank is trying to get the mask on he's got full face mask the headphones are an issue i don't think they really thought of a podcast recording yeah yeah okay so where we started absolutely in theory we are looking at berserker billy standing triumphant over the form of the chemist which is rapidly dissolving before us and i would be wondering we kind of left things on the note where we were going to maybe have a confrontation potentially against berserker billy however if we were to do that it just became a little bit tougher we were going to try to take him down also keep in mind we have a mission here we have a gemstone that was handed to erlik that was given to us by our dragon friends who are helping us take care of all these dragon babies and we were told that this gem needs to be filled with the soul of one powerful spirit one powerful spirit is now being defeated before us and we could try to bind that one but there's another person here who qualifies as a powerful spirit and if we want to bind anybody here in the nine hells into this gem we need a price that will be paid to the mighty undead wizard who's going to make armor for all of our baby dragons so they can fight in dragon balls right now we need a soul it's our choice we're going to be training our team but they need uniforms first and if we go to the undead wizard he's not going to give us those uniforms unless we have a soul in this ruby that was entrusted to erlik so we're going to need one soul but it's up to us which soul we want to grab well we could we could get billy's how how badly after this fight does berserker billy feel like he needs to take a break because he might want to volunteer and leave our journey for a while kind of lay low uh maybe just like put himself into the gym you could sacrifice himself and just jump into the gem and you could be it's one of the ways you can get out of the nine hells it's not the worst thing that could happen to you i'm looking at the gym right now it's pretty sick like if i were to be trapped my soul for all eternity that's a pretty bitching thing to do you don't know what it would be like to be in a gem so um in the gem what exactly would i be doing it's unclear what would happen to you if you were in the gem you don't know what it would feel like maybe you have no memories of it maybe you'd only remember coming back out of it like when you're asleep or it could be horrible could it revive me it could revive you potentially depending on what they do with the soul once they bring it out of the nine hells we're gonna so fuck you i'm not getting it i will get the jump i just want to be honest i will fuck yourself it's occurring to me i might stay in the nine hells too potentially i'm staying in hell yeah okay don't we get to decide you in theory know ehrlich having studied this ruby that it does have the power to trap a spirit but only after that spirit has been defeated after its hit points have been reduced to zero okay i say we just we just steal so we just steal so we just we push them into central soul ceiling full hit points right now billy um just give up billy did i just heal everybody no you did not wait for tim's work no but didn't i just release healing for everybody the chemist when defeated by you released a wave of healing energy so i healed everybody but he took a dive so you didn't beat up the chemist to heal us you did it because you wanted more you want i didn't know the chemist was gonna jump what oh are you serious the chemist was going to seduce uh big cat's boss's wife yeah and so that's why you beat the chemist right yeah that only for that reason did it for my honor which i appreciate and in time yeah i will say i would like to that was that was me we're still grieving okay so we can get back together can i just like can we just like leave me alone no no i mean people want people want us to what are you what are you gonna do let me ask you this if we did leave you alone what would your plan of action be like if you were like can i come can you come like chill and help us i'd be like yeah so you do whatever we ask yeah would you lie to us no i'm literally in hell i don't have that many options uh yeah we're still gonna soul fuck you yeah let's all fuck your soul is going into the room yep sorry do i have a choice no no sorry your choice would be to defend yourself you can't get trapped in the gem as long as you have hit points guys i really want to fight you guys all right well then don't fight your ass i don't want to fight you guys let's do it yeah then just give it to us that's the easy way to do this there's an easy and hard way we can either take your soul or you can give us your soul without end up killing at least one of you by the time you don't know that you don't know i'm a level six okay try us and find out fuck around find out okay i'll just get the gem all right okay let's go you better let me out because i am the strongest one you just signed on the you guys are right okay all right so we got billy's soul all right so it's holding his soul tim who gets to like carry the ruby like is it on chain it was given to erlik but only because erlik's the warlock here you're the master of dark magic if anyone can trap a soul we got cake the wizard as well but there is a kind of demonic magic or speciality so i was handed to you what we do with the gem is up to the team it would be a real shame if you misplace that soul maybe drop it how much is there a black market yes oh there's a huge black market for souls depending on how powerful they are um the black market goes pretty far down also there are beings that consume souls that eventually those souls are getting sold to yeah what's it going with let's let's sell a soul to deloitte to deloitte make an accountant for the rest of his life i guess we sell a sort of bleacher board it would be worth a lot of money it would be worth over 10 000 gold pieces so we're talking about more money than we've ever gotten in our adventure hell yes berserker billy clarify for me you said you were willing to get into the gem but i want to be clear about this you would have needed to be like either somebody come attack me or drive your own hammer you will have to crush your head or something like oh so wait can i just run away no no you said you said you were getting noticed how do you get in the gem tell us how you did it can i just run away no No dice were rolled. So I didn't see the damage happening. I heard you wanted to get into the gem and I would have wondered what you did.
Billy, we were just joking about all that stuff. Rules. I just want to run away. Just let me live in hell.
This was a test, Billy. If you had willingly gotten into the gem, we would have been like, okay, we're setting you free. Yeah, we will. We will set you free.
Honestly, you gave me really no confidence about the gem, so. That was just a prank. Yeah, I'm just going to run away. There was some time you would have had to walk to them before you could have gotten in the gem or hurt yourself or done anything.
At some point, you started to get suspicious. You can try to run away. There's not many places to go but back down from this tower. When we see him start running, what would the rest of us be doing?
I would be telling everybody, hey, this guy's soul is worth less money now because he's proven to be alive. It's actually valid. Wait, so he's running deeper into hell? It seems like he's trying to run deeper into hell.
You need to send down the tower the same way we would. Let him go. Let him go. Have fun.
All right, see you, Billy. No one's taking attacks as you run away, Billy. Do you run for the trap door? Is that right?
The door that leads back down? Sure. Absolutely. Do you run for that?
No one's trying to stop him? It's like a spring break. Let him go. Wait, roll it on the ground.
16. Oh, no. You climb down the chains and tubes of steroids that are hanging from this tower and you're able to jump into the sea of lava out for you. But I have to be fair, there's still an open portal but you don't know if you can take it.
There's an open portal about 200 feet away from the tower and then just hell. That's it. Just all of the plane of Avernus, one of the top layers of hell, stretching out for you. You don't know what will happen if you, a devilish spirit, tried to go through that portal.
So there's a chance that I don't have to go to hell? No, you just go out through hell and we'll see what happens there or we'll run for the portal. The portal might not necessarily be hell, right? The portal definitely leads out of hell.
You can see hell and then one little window of like green forest but they can use it because they're still alive. You're dead and in hell technically. You don't know how to use it. I get out of hell.
Run for the portal. I go for the portal. As you run for the portal with that athletic check, you're making it sprinting. The others might be able to watch you as you're running for this portal from the top of the tower.
As he sprints for the portal, are you doing anything or just letting him run? Can I do like the Wile E. Coyote? Can I paint over the door so it's just like a cement wall that he runs into?
You can't, but somebody here has illusion magic. A bard can do this. Yeah, I like to paint a tunnel. Like a train tunnel.
So, I want to be very clear. You'll make a train tunnel appear. He might not know it, but it won't actually stop him. It'll just be an illusion.
Yeah, yeah. So, all you see Berserker Billy is that you're running for this beautiful forest window leading out of hell back to the material plane. Suddenly, it changes into a train tunnel and there's a burn-burn and like a train is rushing at you. Roll an intelligence saving throw to see if you can figure out what is really going on here.
You've got a plus zero on this, I'm sorry to say. You want to roll on the floor. Can I drop an anvil on his head too? That'll be the illusion anvil hurling down on him.
Yes, 100%. You've got to jump through or else you can go. 20. A natural 20.
He turns translucent. You can see right through it. You know an illusion. You see one.
Maybe it was the anvil above where you're like, this doesn't add up and you are able to see. These don't aren't real and therefore, if they hit you, they can't hurt you now that you know they're not real and you can jump right through this train tunnel to get through the portal you think to the material plane. So, does that mean they can't see right on the portal because they're on illusion? Yeah, actually, their own illusion is currently concealing the portal although you can see through it because of the material plane.
Okay, yeah, let's go through the portal. So, you jump through the portal and Berserker Billy, I want you to roll a d20 to see how successful your return to the material plane is. Double health. I literally just might die right here.
You're already dead. We'll double die. See what we got? That is a 10.
We weren't getting anything to that. So, it's the perfect average result I predicted. You come flying out of the portal. You made it.
Somehow this portal allowed you a damned soul to return from hell and then you look at your body and it's not your body. Please roll a knowledge. Oh, shit. You lose all your games, man.
Are you a weak boy now? All right, here we go. Jake, can you help us? A critical hit.
You know exactly what you have become right now, Berserker Billy, because you've seen it before. Your friend, quote-unquote, Ehrlich, has a little minion known as an imp named Lola. You are also an imp right now. Yes.
You do not have any of your spells. You don't have any of your stats. You only have the same stats as an imp. I have a question.
I've heard that imps, they're primarily dying on vegetables and fruits and seeds and they don't really like eating meat. Is that true? What's interesting about that is technically they can eat whatever they want but they're punished in such a way that the only things they can eat are things they didn't like eating when they were alive. So it's always the food that they didn't like.
So no meat. If they love meat when they were alive and if you can't eat it, it's poison. Imps can't procreate, right? Imps don't have any of your stats.
A lot like a Kindle down there. If you do, however, have a scorpion tail, it can poison people and you can turn invisible and you can turn into a raven, a spider, or a rat. Am I still level six? You are not level six anymore.
I'm sorry. You are an imp instead. I said you're a vegan. I just killed myself again.
I want to. I was strong enough. If you kill yourself, all that will happen is you'll return to hell and you'll stay an imp. Oh, an imp in hell.
Damn. This is like the worst decision ever. You are currently in the material plane. I'm going to say that at the very least, our bard Wayne can see you looking at yourself and maybe screaming in horror.
Would any of us be doing anything as this information is traded around? Laughing at him. We don't have a soul right now, but the body of the chemist is still disintegrating. I want to highlight that.
I'm going to say, you are a cleric in life. The god of the Goliaths, the god of competition and sports, the god of Kabaki, the Ram Lord, may take pity on you. You can roll one more time to see as you try to figure out is there a way to restore yourself from your imp form. Oh, I'm going to take a break from Dungeons & Dragons to talk to you guys about cross-country mortgage.
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All right. More D&D. Another critical hit. That would make three today, I think.
That is unbelievable. You know there is a holy site in Kavaki. Just try to get there as fast as possible. Start flying there.
I will let everybody here try an insight check on the Imp to notice that he seems to have a plan as he flies away on the other side of the portal. Which dice am I using here? Oh, here we go. I got some D20 there.
Yeah. And I got a D20 here. All right. So we're all rolling?
Yeah. I'll go. I got a five. Not great.
Not great. We need at least a 15. That's exactly what I got. 15.
And you're getting to add your Arcana or History bonus. I think you do have at least a plus four. I got three Arcana. I've got a three History.
Okay, excellent. So with a 15 plus three, that's an 18. Oh, sorry. This is an insight check I should have said.
So do you have an insight bonus on your skills? Insight, I have. No, I don't see insight. No insight.
Still with a plus zero. You are able just barely to tell. That Imp has a plan. If anybody got a 20 or higher on their insight check, yeah, give it a roll.
See if a... 20. 20. Okay.
That means Ehrlich the Warlock. Guess who else knows about Sacred Sights in the Mountain? You know where he's going exactly right now. Hell yeah.
So you don't know if you can cut him off at the pass unless you have some kind of a plan. He, you know exactly how fast he is. He's as fast as your Imp, which is faster than most of us. Not faster than your Imp, ironically.
So if we have... And maybe not faster than our Dragons. Jake, you want to roll? Can you roll?
Yeah, I rolled a 10. Absolutely. With a 10, you are kind of pretty just a bit of a transformation. With a 12, you kind of saw him fleeing, but you're hearing from the others that he has a plan and you know where he's going.
And we are at the top of the tower. In theory, our main quest here was to get a Soul. So we can still grab the Soul before we leave and chase Berserker Billy or we can do whatever we want here. In theory, yeah.
We need the Soul, right? Because we've got to make the Uniforms. We need a Soul. And he should be a strong enough Soul contained within that Imp 4.
Could they have used the chemist's Soul the whole time? They could have used the Soul. What the fuck, guys? It's actually the worst Soul.
He's soulless. Yeah. Let's get this Imp Soul so we can make our Uniforms. Absolutely.
With your Dragon's help, they could try flying you through the portal and try to run down Berserker Billy the Imp. But each of our Dragons are going to need to make an Athletics check. So each of us to roll two D20s and take the higher D20 for our Dragons. They only have a plus zero really on this.
18, 18, absolutely. 7. 7 and 20. You are noticing, you're Uniforms, you fly to the mountains and you're in form, you think you're doing great, then suddenly, in bursts of elemental energy, poison, fire, lightning, these Dragons are coming through the portal, they are moving full speed towards you, and they are moving so fast and with the wind they are overtaking you.
Unless you can also roll a D20 right now. Can I just say real quick because I'm chasing after Impass Billy is just so fucking funny. Oh, I'm having a great time. I know Billy comes into that middle.
And he's like, no, you know what? I'm just going to leave you guys. You said you were going to, what were you going to do in my soul? I was actually going to explore the options.
I was going to take in the other soul the whole time. No, but your soul is younger and tighter. I would take in your soul, I would have given it to my team of Dragons before the Dragon Ball. Let them pass you around until we get loose.
Team bonding. Phoenix Suns. 18, 18. That is not quite enough, unfortunately, because we had a bunch of critical hits.
Close. Because your total is at 21 and they got critical hits, but technically they only got 20s, I'm going to say this, they haven't caught up to biting range or melee range, but they can breathe their elemental blasts at you. So I'm going to ask a question. Let's see, the three people who got critical hits, let's start with you, Cake the Wizard.
Which dragons would you have taken? Your choices are, again, Irvin, the prismatic dragon. We don't know what he shoots out of his breath weapon. You also have the two white dragons, Steven A and B.
You have the black dragon, Skip 1 and 2. You have the green dragon, Mellow, the blue dragon, LiAngelo, and the red dragon, Lonzo. Which would you like to take? There's some great options there.
You need two dragons to fly you, because they're little dragons. Okay, I'm going to go with Mellow. It's a wild pick. Absolutely.
We're going to go with Irvin, the first one. Absolutely. Irvin and Mellow, then. I'm going to say they're the first to catch up with you right now, Berserker Billy.
Are you telling them fire all breath weapons? Try to take them out of the air? Absolutely. Then, first of all, poison shoots out of Mellow, the green dragon's mouth.
She is upset, as it has no effect on an imp, unfortunately. So that breath weapon didn't work. But then, the prismatic dragon shoots out poison and fire, neither of us does anything, and then also lightning and cold and other energy that does hurt this imp. I'm going to need to see a saving throw for you, Berserker Billy, to see if you can avoid this blast.
You have a plus three, and as long as you can get like a 15, you'll take no damage. Sorry to say, with a 13. Go ahead and roll. This will be about 2d6.
If you haven't, this will be perfect. I'm going to pass this over to you. Actually, I know how many hit points you have, but it's 3d6, unfortunately, coming your way. So it's going to be all three of those, and tell me how much damage you end up with.
We're going one at a time, or all three? All three added together. All right. You're going to have 15.
2, 4, 6. Yeah. 2, 4, 6. So that's already 12 out of 15 of the hit points that this imp has right now.
He is almost down. And then we still have two other people who are catching up right now. Were you catching up? Yes, I just want you.
Absolutely. Then I would like to see, what dragons were you going to bring? I'll go with Steven B and Skip 2. Absolutely.
So it's like Shannon and Max. Yes, yeah. Absolutely. You are getting Skip 2, Steven B, a white and a black dragon, and they're shooting cold and acid energy.
Acid isn't dealing fall damage, but the cold is dealing fall damage, and so roll one saving throw against both of them. Honestly, if you don't pass this one, the combined damage is going to be enough. You should just give up to me. I want to die.
Yeah, you're simple. Critical hit. No damage. We've got one more chance.
Ehrlich, what dragons are you taking with you? I think I'll take LiAngelo and Lonzo and make LeVar's dream come true. All the dragons on one team. Absolutely love it.
The dragons come swooping in. The blue and red dragon are the two most powerful of the Wyrmlings, except for that prismatic one. We don't know what's going on there. But those two dragons as they come cruising in breathe fire.
Unfortunately, no damage for the fire, but the blue dragon breeds lightning. Roll a saving throw versus the blue dragon's lightning because it is one of the strongest dragons. This will take you down. I just want this to be over.
It is over. You are vaporized. Can we do it slowly, though? It is electricity.
The dragon is able to shoot out a thin stream of lightning and then just keep tasing you for the better part of it. Ah, please roll. That's very much so. And then Ehrlich, as his body starts to vaporize, it's only an imp's body is vaporizing very quickly unless you roll a dexterity-based check with a plus two.
You're not going to trap this soul in time. Go ahead and give it a roll. But you knew your dragons were helping you out here. You can roll two times now.
Take a high result. Two. Ten. Ten.
Plus two is twelve, and that is just barely enough. The trap is over Billy's soul inside the gem. The good news is, in the gem, suddenly, you find yourself a sixth-level cleric, once more, of the Ram Lord, Goliath, looking at yourself, but everything's red. It's like you are immersed in red light, and it's very like Twin Peaks vibes.
You're standing in what looks like a checkered floor with pillars all around you that disappear into darkness. It's just everything tinged red. As you try to leave this room, the floor just keeps moving. It's like any direction you move in, it just goes on forever.
As you look around, you can see the edges of the gem wall, but you can't reach out to them. Tim, let me just, just in this room, there are no Coors Light, right? There are no alcohol beverages whatsoever. Oh, that sucks.
And so wait, he's in a gem. Are you making that sound like a gem? Like, can he work out? Um, yeah, I'm serious.
If he works out too hard, there's a lunk alarm that goes off. You can get smashed. Do I just, can I just be left alone in this gem, though? You are?
So here's the thing. In a certain sense, yes, you are safe. If they want to affect you in any way, they need to get kind of creative at this point. But there are ways that Ehrlich in particular might be aware of that this soul, at the very least, can be put into something else.
I have a quick question here about the soul. Could we, in theory, take the gem and then feed it to the chemist? And then re-invigorate the chemist with Billy's soul inside of him? Yes, you 100% could try to do that.
The chemist soul is somewhere still around hell just to feed it, and if you don't find him, you might be able to revitalize him as a powerful person. I would like to have the chemist on our side because he's bigger than Billy, so he's probably way stronger. Way taller. Yeah, way taller, heavier.
So if we could roll with him, but with Billy's soul inside of it, that'd be cool. Seems like it would really empower him. Yeah. You gotta hang out with Jose?
Yeah. Dude, he's kind of sweet. He's pretty awesome. Low key.
40-40, man. So how do we do that? In theory, you can go bring this gem back. The portal's already open.
No need to open another portal. Your dragons fly you through once more to hunt down the soul of the chemist. Whoever has the best arcana score here. Oh, but you have to give advantage to the warlock.
See if you can track him down with an arcana roll. The warlock would have advantage, but you have the best arcana. Plus six. Plus six, exactly.
Do you want to give it a roll? I'll let you know if you think you know where the soul would have gone. All right. 17.
17. And was that including your... Plus six, 23. Oh, 23.
With a 23 total, you know exactly what to do here. His soul is still in the tower right now. In fact, if you were to come back into this room with a cool arena stage where the two of them have faced off, you think underneath that stage there had been that archway, there's going to be a stone embedded in the tower, or maybe a piece of bone, some sort of a phylactery that's containing the essence of this devilish creature. And if you were to go there, put the gem against it and do a quick ritual that one of you could do with an arcana check, then you would be able to reinvigorate the chemist.