Emotional Reasoning | Episode 248

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 248 is entitled “Emotional Reasoning”.  Emotions are a good thing right?  It is important to focus on them isn’t it?  How can they be used in a destructive manner?  THAT’S what we’re talking about  at The Table this evening!Pull up a seat at the table and join us!Emotional Reasoning Outline* Simple Description - Feelings are interpreted as facts* Description* Feelings are the result of emotional needs being met or not met* Feelings are confused with facts. * Feelings are also confused with thoughts.* A person may say “I just don’t feel that you care,” which means that since I don’t feel your care, it does not matter what you say, you don’t care.* The ER ascribe motivation to the reason for the unmet need* Background* Person may have suffered deep emotional trauma in childhood, such as physical or sexual abuse.* May have frequently felt afraid but didn’t receive any help dealing with their fears.* May have seen emotional reasoning modeled.* May have experienced broken promises, prompting, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”* Truth* Even though I “feel it,” it may not be true.* Feelings are feelings, no more and no less. They are not facts.* When I say “I feel that...”, I’m really expressing a thought and I may be expressing feelings such as hurt, fear, or anger. If so, I need to identify what the real emotional needs are and then vulnerably express them.* Rather than dealing with the hurt, I am making an absolute statement instead.* Effect Upon a Relationship* Accusations can fly about based not on any evidence, but only a feeling,* Such a relationship will be dominated by fear and mistrust.* The other person will be left frustrated and often shut down.* Overcoming Emotional Reasoning* Accept the truth that feelings have their place but they can’t take the place of truth.* Notice incidents when emotional reasoning has been allowed to take over.* Allow your partner to talk about this with you.* Take wrong thoughts captive and think about the true responses.* Example: your partner is late getting home.* Your reaction: “I just know he/she is with someone else.”* Consequences of the reaction: accusing, attacking, angry, and resentful* Renewed response: “There is probably a good reason for their delay. ”With more truthful thinking, the response to your partner upon their arrival can be, “I get very concerned when you arrive later than expected.” Get full access to Lunchtime In Rome Podcast at www.lunchtimeinrome.com/subscribe