Engaging in Difficult Conversations with Jacki Brickman

Whether you are a coach and you are engaged in sharing feedback with other colleagues, you are an administrator that evaluates, a teacher that delivers feedback to students, parents, or caregivers or a human being; we are all tasked with engaging in difficult conversations from time to time. Jacki shares about how having the hard conversations, that ultimately impact students, is our responsibility.  What makes a conversation difficult? Lacking confidence to articulate on a topic (articulation does not equal intelligence)  Topics around students that are misrepresented, marginalized, or misunderstood (based on preconceived ideas) Inaccurate definitions operating as facts, including ideas that are misrepresented or misunderstood  Conversations that involved boundaries; advocating for yourself can be hard Perfectionism Providing feedback to the person in a power position or hierarchy  What should we avoid? Using common words without common definitions  Thinking someone else should have the conversation (“Passing the buck”) if it is our responsibility to own; however, if the harm did not involve you, keep yourself out Centering or prioritizing your feelings or the feelings of the person receiving the feedback, over the impacts that the topic is having on students (or other affected groups) Ignoring hard topics (bystander effect)  Taking others’ reactions or emotions personally  Jumping to conclusions, assuming how people will react, or what they may be thinking Letting our past experiences put us on guard or on the defense before engaging  Only having deep conversations about things that need to change vs. ongoing deep conversations about practice  Strategies that support difficult conversations  Creating a culture that encourages feedback, learning, and growth  Consider the reason for your feedback, the timing, and the relationship with the receiver  Focus on the impact over the intention  Recognize if you’re dysregulated (in your head, body, emotions)  Pause to find your words, “break and breath”  Listen, don’t speak to be heard  Know your own tendencies or fears and how they may impact your ability to give or receive feedback If you’re in a position of power, create avenues where it is safe to both give and receive feedback Think about the next engagement:  don’t avoid people and don’t “overdo it” Helpful Reminders Initial reaction isn’t always the long-term thought; sometimes people just need time Behaviors are not only an asset or a liability; they might be both; consider your “why” for engaging  Sort out whose feelings you’re prioritizing and protecting  Connect with Jacki: thecatalystapproach.com  References:   Brown, B. (2018). Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Random House Publishing Group  Ed Soul Podcast Credit | SourcewellFind more educational resources by topic at https://www.mn.sourcewell.org/education/podcast Learn more about upcoming trainings and events for educators at www.mn.sourcewell.org/education