Enneagram 8: Finding the Heart in Leadership, and Avoidant Attachment with Travis Vangsnes

In this episode, Jess sits down with her husband, Travis Vangsnes, for an honest and deep-diving conversation into the inner world of an Enneagram 8. As a father of five and a passionate advocate within the foster care system, Travis opens up about the "big energy" that defines the Challenger and the constant internal battle with the Type 8 core lie: the belief that it is not okay to be weak or vulnerable. For any Eight searching for a way to lead without overwhelming others, or for those who love an Eight and want to understand the "why" behind the intensity, this episode serves as a roadmap for transformation.Jess and Travis explore the fascinating intersection of the Enneagram and Attachment Theory, specifically looking at how a Fearful-Avoidant attachment style can create a unique tug-of-war between a fierce need for independence and a deep longing for intimacy. They discuss the nuances of the One-to-one Subtype for an 8 and how that intense energy manifests in leadership, parenting, and their own marriage. This episode provides a rare look into the Type 4 and Type 8 relationship dynamic, highlighting how they navigate conflict, find balance, and move toward a secure connection by embracing vulnerability as a strength.The journey toward growth for an Eight involves shifting from a place of confrontation to a place of deep emotional awareness. Travis shares the spiritual practices that are currently transforming him, and the realization that he no longer has to be his own protector by leaning into the spiritual truth that he is safe in God’s care.Mentioned in this episode:Stay at our Shiny Eyes Airbnb Retreats: When we aren’t recording or advocating, we love hosting guests in our intentional spaces. Come find rest and connection at one of our retreats:Glamping Cozy Cabin [Link to Airbnb Retreat 1] Sleeps 3Glamping Container [Link to Airbnb Retreat 2] Sleeps 3Glamping Geodesic Dome [Link to Airbnb Retreat 3] sleeps 5Listen to Travis’s Podcasts:That’s So Rad https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/thats-so-rad/id1810887342 Cultivate the Ordinary https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cultivate-the-ordinary/id1725656621Foster Friendly Podcast. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-foster-friendly-podcast/id1755210067Read one of Trav’s books:Redemptions Echo https://a.co/d/g8rDp6HShiny Eyes https://a.co/d/9kslwY3Connect with Travis: If you are a man (or know a man) who is looking for coaching to help navigate leadership patterns, Enneagram growth, or relationship dynamics, Travis works with individuals and leaders to help them find clarity and strength. You can reach him directly for coaching inquiries at [email protected] more about our coaching and resources at our website transformingus.org. Lots of FREE guides and assessments for your journey. Do you need help understanding your patterns? Book your FREE 30 min discovery call today! Go to Connect.Youtube: @transformingusInstagram: @transformingusFacebook: @transformingusMentioned in this episode:Need Coaching?https://www.transformingus.org/