Ep 01 - Why I started This Podcast

Hi y’all! Welcome to the very first episode of Grief Relief for Christian Women. I’m Patty Jackson, and I am so glad you are here. Even if you are here wearing your PJs, drinking your lukewarm cup of coffee, and thinking, “Well, I’ve got nothing better to do, so let’s see what this lady has to say,”!  Today, I’m telling you why I started this podcast, and I’m sharing my story. I hope by the end, you’ll feel a little less alone and a whole lot more understood. I'm going to quote this very common scripture before I begin, as I need the help to get through this episode. It is Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength." Amen! So, let’s go! I didn’t grow up thinking, “One day, I’m going to be a widow helping other widows through grief.” No one dreams of that. Heck, I was thinking of a future full of vacations, grandbabies, retirement, and maybe finally learning how to play golf—with my best friend and husband, of course. Well, it has a way of handing us things we never dreamed of. My husband, Ralph, died just 13 months after he retired, at 68 years old, and I was 58. We were together for 24 years and married almost 14 of those. The year was 2018, and it started out busy. I had a funeral out of town to attend, which I combined with a family reunion in the same area, so I was gone for over a week.  Upon returning, both of my parents got sick with pneumonia, so I kissed Ralph goodbye, and I left my home again to help my sister take care of them. My dad ended up in the hospital, and my sister was there with him while I stayed with Mom at their house. I talked to Ralph on Saturday night several times, and I told him I would be back home the next day. Both parents got worse, so I called my husband several times on Sunday to let him know I wasn't coming home after all, but he never answered the phone—even stranger, he never called me. Finally, on Monday at noon, my sister was able to relieve me and stay with Mom while I went home to get a change of clothes and check on Ralph, since I hadn't heard from him for over 24 hours. That’s when I found him on the back porch, face down. I wasn’t sure if he was alive or dead or how long he had been lying there, so I touched him and felt that he was cold, but otherwise he looked like he could be sleeping. I had never found a dead body before, so I wasn’t sure what to do or how to determine if a person needed medical attention or not. I think I called my sister first and told her I thought Ralph was dead, and she asked if I had called 911. I said, I don't know if he needs help because I think he's already dead. She said, Well, I think you still need to call 911, so I did! I called my son, Ryan, and he and my brother-in-law showed up about the same time. The EMTs showed up within a few minutes, but almost immediately, they called the coroner. Still not knowing what was going on and never having been through something like this, I asked if he was still alive. I thought since they weren’t talking to me, maybe they were working on him to take him to the hospital or something, because it seemed like forever while waiting. Then finally they responded No, he is gone and has been for more than 24 hours. That is when my life changed in an instant. The EMTs were with Ralph on the back porch and made us wait in the front, as I remember trying to see him, but they said I couldn’t. I just kept saying, “But I have to tell him goodbye.” They were trying to keep me from seeing him, and I’m sure they meant well, but I wanted to kiss his lips and say goodbye. I remember my son finally stepping in and telling them, "If my mom wants to say goodbye to her husband, then by golly, she will--and they finally let me. I layed next to his cold, lifeless body and told him how much I loved him, then kissed his blue lips, and they took him away--forever!  I didn't know how he died, and I didn't know that the EMTs don't really know either. I had to wait a month for the autopsy and the medical examiner to send me a report that showed that he had died of a massive heart attack and had broken his neck when he hit the concrete. I was happy to know that he didn't suffer because he had to lie there for the next 24 hours, ALONE! The next days were a blur, but my son took care of everything for me that related to Ralph’s death. I was grateful because I could barely get out of bed, let alone think about funerals, wills, autopsies, or death certificates. Yes, it is true—within the first week, all of these things need to be addressed, even though you can barely think and take care of yourself. I stayed in a numb, mindless state for about three weeks.  The brain fog was real! I had not heard about "brain fog," so I absolutely thought I was losing my mind. I had always been the person in our marriage who took care of the finances and paid the bills, but during this time, I couldn't remember that I had always done it, and in some instances, I totally forgot what to do. Something as simple as paying a bill and taking out the trash was too difficult on any given day. Around the fourth week, I needed to get back to work at my full-time job because I was worried about getting fired for being gone too long.  In my company, we got 3 days for bereavement, and I had been out for 3 weeks. Praise the Lord for my work family, and they were kind enough to say I could take as long as I needed! So I tried going back to work in the fifth week, but I couldn’t get more than a few hours in before I would break down in tears. It was so difficult to get back to living a normal life. My emotions were all over the place. One day I would be crying all day, the next day I’d be totally fine, and the next I’d be mad at everything. Grief is such an emotional carnival ride that you can’t get off of. I remember thinking that I hate death! I've never handled it well. The first funeral I ever went to was when I was 18 years old, and I had a car wreck on my way home from the funeral. Only 4 months later, the 2nd person that I knew who died was my best friend. She was in my wedding just 2 months before that, and we had only graduated from high school 6 months earlier, when she was in a car wreck and died. I took that one so hard that I didn't stop crying for 2 weeks and didn't go to my job for a month. I thought her death would kill me. I just made up my mind that losing someone close to you is supposed to take me out, too! After Ralph died, I knew I needed to get help with learning how to grieve so that I could continue to function as a living human being while still missing this person. This is when my search to be educated and supported in grief began. First, I went to my church, only to find out that they didn’t have any grief counselors or grief groups. I thought, How strange. I remembered something called Marriage Encounter when I was a Catholic, so of course, I thought there would be Grief Encounter groups somewhere. However, I couldn't find any Grief Encounter groups. That wasn't a thing. There was a grief group at the church across the street, so I signed up for it. That was weird—going to one church for services, and another for grief counseling. Eventually, I stopped going to my home church because the support just wasn’t there. I went through the grief group two more times over the next year, and it was such a huge help for me. Not only did they teach me what grief is, but let me know that there is no "normal" grief. More than anything, I needed someone who got it. Who'd been through it already! Someone who could sit next to me in the middle of the mess and say, "Honey, you're not losing your mind, you're grieving. and there's a way forward! I finally got it, and even though in those early years, I hated hearing people say, "Time will heal" and "You will get over it", I finally understood and felt like I was over it. I was going to work every day, living a "normal" life, and I could go weeks without crying! The grief didn't kill me! I now know that Time doesn't heal, but I gave myself time to learn and feel the pain while living with our memories and the life we had together. I understand that I will never get over it, but I know how to get through it! I have to say that I was doing a great job at living life again. I had sold our home but hadn't bought a new place yet when COVID hit. Both of my parents got COVID, and I moved in to help care for them.  I lived with them for about 4 months before I bought my house close by so that I could be available to them if they needed help. Fast forward a few years, and they ended up in an Independent Living facility where their health continued to deteriorate. Between my siblings and me, one of us was with them every day, or as often as possible. I was still working full-time, but I was the only one who wasn't married out of the five of us, so I stayed with them most often, and one day I had a thought, that's why Ralph had died and left me alone--so that I would be available to take care of mom and dad. For some reason, I felt better having a reason why Ralph died! Fast forward a couple of years, my sweet mom passed away on May 13, and my dad passed away on July 13, 2024, just 2 short months apart! Well, let me tell you, everything I had learned about grief and how to navigate the rollercoaster of it went out the window. When mom and dad died, it took my legs out from under me. I didn't function like the person that I thought had a handle on Grief and knew everything about it. I was completely lost and inconsolable, back to the day I found Ralph dead on the back porch. I basically had to start from the beginning again! I call it REGRIEFING!  The Turning Point: There came a moment--I remember this so clearly--when I asked God, "Okay Lord, what do I do with all of this?" The Loneliness the confusion the aching emptiness the weird mix of heartbreak and hope the sense that part of me was gone, but another part was waking up. I heard in my heart a whisper, "Use it," "Use it for good for others going through the same thing you are." That whisper led me to start leaning into other widows listening supporting encouraging learning what hurts learning what helps learning that grief isn't a moment--it's a journey The whisper eventually became MyGriefRelief.com, where I wrote daily love letters to Ralph on a blog. It helped me get my emotions out. I think writing your feelings down is therapeutic, but I've never been good at journaling, and writing these letters to him made it personal. Now I have these letters to read and see how far I've come from those early days of Grief. Then came my Facebook group, then Grief Relief for Christian Women, then my coaching, and now, this podcast. I started this podcast because My Purpose is my Power. I created this podcast because grief can be isolating—even if you’re surrounded by friends and family. I created this podcast because widowhood is a club no one wants to join, but once you’re in it, you need your people—people who speak your language, who understand your meltdowns, and who cheer when you manage to put your big-girl pants on. I created this podcast because your identity matters. Your joy matters. Your future matters. And your story matters— and your story is still unfolding. In Grief Relief for Christian Women, we aren’t fragile—most of the time. We’re not broken. We’re not “used up” or “half of a whole.” We’re women walking through fire with God right beside us, learning how to love life again. Let me be clear,  Your grief is not a sign of weakness. Your tears aren't a lack of faith. Your healing isn't on a deadline. You're not wrong for wanting Joy again. You are human. You are loved. and you are allowed to rebuild, rediscover, and reimagine the life ahead of you. If my story does anything, I hope it permits you to have your own story--your own timing, your own voice, your own journey, and the peace you deserve. I want this podcast to feel like your weekly reminder that healing is possible—and you don’t have to do it alone. This podcast is going to be a mix of things—kind of like grief itself, except hopefully way more fun: Real talk about the emotional rollercoaster Practical, faith-centered tools that actually help Stories from women who get it Encouragement, honesty, humor, and hope If you are looking for a group of women who have been there and aren’t afraid to give you a hug and a nudge… If you want to feel seen, supported, educated, and occasionally entertained—well, y’all found the right show. One last thing before I wrap up: Thank you, honestly, for pressing play and hanging out with me today. starting this podcast was a leap of faith. sharing my story out loud? whew--let's just say that I had to hype myself up with a lot of prayer and maybe a few pep talks in the mirror and hitting record countless times. 💛 Before you go… one small favor from me to you Come hang out with me at in our Facebook group for more encouragement and support with women that Get It:  https://www.facebook.com/share/g/186WA2iEF2/ If this episode encouraged you, challenged you, or made you feel a little less alone, would you take a quick moment to leave a 5-star review? It helps other women who are hurting find this podcast when they need it most. And if someone popped into your mind while you were listening—please share this episode with her. It might be exactly what her heart needs today. Thank you for being here. It truly means more than you know. 💛