Ep 14: 10 Myths about Birth Mothers

Show Notes Episode 14 In this Episode Heather discusses: 10 Myths about Birth Moms   Links Mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com https://for-the-love-of-adoption.ck.page/adoption-101 Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this? Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not within adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the steps keep you from building your family through adoption. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption, including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are You know what, though? It can also be amazing. I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that has gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hello, friends. Welcome to Episode 14 of the for the love of adoption Show. Today I am going to be talking about 10 myths about birth moms. You might also hear birth moms refer to as first moms, biological parents, bio parent, genetic parent, but I usually use the term birth mom. It's unfortunate but misconceptions about birth mothers are part of what can make many people second guess adoption. The term birth mother makes some people uncomfortable, and it causes them to visualize young girls giving up their babies carelessly. This perception saddens me because in most cases, it could not be farther from the truth. So let's take a closer look at 10 myths about birth mothers and replace them with the truth. Myth number one, they don't love and care about the children they choose to put up for adoption. Now let's talk about the truth. Most mothers that choose adoption care so deeply for their child, that they struggle with making an adoption plan because they believe it's what's best for the child. They go through this because they believe it is what is best. They're often in a place in life where they feel the child will have a better life with an adoptive family. In this case, they'll often pick the family out themselves, because it's the family they feel will give their child the best chance of a promising future. They could be a single mom, or it might be a couple that just doesn't feel prepared to raise a child. In our case, it was a decision discussed and decided on between the birth mother and father. Myth number two, they come back for their children. The idea that a birth mother will show up at your front door or sue to try to get the child back is a myth. Most birth mothers spend a lot of time developing an adoption plan, and often even go through counseling. I am not saying that there are not exceptions to this. Crazy Things happen in every aspect of life. But this idea is a myth. This is one of the reasons I'm so passionate about using a legitimate adoption agency. A good agency cares deeply for the moms choosing an adoption plan. And because of this, they're going to work with them to provide counseling and other resources that help them make the decision that's really best for them. By the time these birth moms placed their child, they're typically very solid in their decision, and they do not wish to destroy the family that they have helped build. Myth number three, they're selfish. No, they're not. They're making one of the hardest if not the hardest decision of their lives when they choose adoption. They're doing what they believe is best for their child despite the pain, it's causing them. When a birth mother chooses adoption. She's making an extremely selfless decision. Myth number four, they're drug addicts. This myth drives me crazy. Of course, some birth mothers do struggle with substance abuse, but so do some biological parents and every other category of people, and many do not. That has nothing to do with the fact that they're a birth mother that they're choosing an adoption plan. Let's be honest, adoption can be overwhelming, right? And sometimes when you're thinking about adoption, when you're considering it, you just need to know where to start. You just need to know what do I do? Like how do I figure this out? And what are the basics of what I need to know? Can somebody just tell me the basics? Well, I have put together an eight-page guide that is Adoption 101. It talks about types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, adoption terms, how to find adoption support (which is very important) adoption costs, which we all need to know right, the steps to take to adopt, books to read about adoption and even talking to your child about adoption. This is a jam packed eight-page guide that really will just lay out the basics for you. Because again, adoption is overwhelming; it is. I get it, and sometimes we just need to be able to see something that kind of just talks us through, okay, what do I do and what do I need to know. That's why I created this eight-page guide. I spent a lot of time on to really fill it with what I thought was the most important things you need to know to consider adoption and just get started. If you decide it's right for you, you can get this completely free. Just go to fortheloveofadoption.com and scroll to the middle of the homepage, you will see an image that says Adoption 101. Because look, if adoption is on your heart, I believe that calling is there for a reason. And this eight-page guide can just help break things down and help you get started. So, make sure you go grab that today. Myth number five, they're troubled teenagers. Another myth about birth mothers is that they're almost all extremely young. But the fact is most are in their 20s or 30s. And many are already raising another child or children. In this case, they know what's involved in raising a child and have decided that they feel they're unable to provide the best life for another child at this time. And this is why they chose adoption. Our children's birth mother was in her 30s and had her own daughter. Myth number six, they're promiscuous. The fact that a woman is facing an unplanned pregnancy does not mean that she's promiscuous myth.   Number seven. They don't really care where their child ends up. Oh, they care! Birth mothers typically view a lot of adoptive family profiles before choosing a family. In addition, they might meet the family first as well. They spend more time than I can ever imagine thinking about what they want for their child and choosing the family that they believe is best. Our children's birth mom viewed a lot of profiles and met us in person before she made her decision. Myth number eight, they are anxious to get rid of their child. In many cases, birth mothers cherish the moments they have with their child before placement. Our children's birth mom spent time in the hospital with both of our children before they came to us. This was her choice. Part of an adoption plan can include spending time with them before placement and now we have regular visits. She cherishes the time that she sees them still. Myth number nine, they just move on with their lives as normal after placement. Placing a baby for adoption is a big deal, one that I will never be able to fully understand and that no one can unless they're in her shoes. This can affect a birth mother for life. The period after placement can involve real grieving for her. One factor that can help ease the pain is an open adoption, which is one of the many reasons I'm so passionate about it. This allows her to know that she'll be able to see your child again and receive regular updates, which is so important to many birth mothers. However, every birth mother has to deal with her decision to place her child with an adoptive family for the rest of her life. Myth number 10. They regret their decision. Although choosing adoption is one of the hardest things a birth mom can do, they didn't choose it lightly. Of course, it hurts. But that doesn't change the fact that she did what she believed was best for her child. And again, open adoption often helps alleviate many of the regrets that they might feel. Being able to receive updates and even visit their child can provide comfort and bring the truest healing available for someone that chooses adoption. So again, 10 myths about birth moms are that they don't love and care for the children they place for adoption, that they come back for their children, that they're selfish, that they're drug addicts, that they're troubled teenagers, they're promiscuous, they don't really care where their child ends up, they're anxious to get rid of their child, they move on with their lives as normal after placement, and that they regret their decision.  I do want to end this episode saying I'm an adoptive mom. I would never pretend to understand the emotions, the tragedy of choosing to place a child, I could never begin to understand that, and I would never pretend to however, I respect it. I honor it the best I can. And I want to be an advocate speaking up for birth moms in changing the stereotypical idea of who they are and what they're like. So although I would never pretend to understand all that they go through, I would never pretend to be someone that could be as selfless as they are. I still want to be someone that speaks up and says these things are not true. This is what is true and changes the perceptions around birth moms. I hope that this helped explain and dispel some of the myths that people believe about birth mothers. The fact is they're very strong women making an extremely hard decision in the best interest of their child. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey. Just go to fortheloveofadoption.com and scroll to the bottom of the homepage, you will be able to access all kinds of PDFs there to help you along different stages of your adoption journey. And if you've enjoyed this at all, if you could please leave me a review and rating it helps more than you know. Talk to you next time.