Ep. 291 - The Government Is Tracking What Is in Your Butt and I Cannot Unknow This - 01/02/2026

Peaches Pit Party from Friday, January 2nd, 2026 // Peaches opens the first show of the year broadcasting through radio wizardry from a completely different studio, immediately admitting he is not actually there while still somehow being everywhere. He kicks things off by realizing he missed entire best of 2025 album lists, discovers Gray Haven way later than he should have, gets followed by Metalbirb like it is a personal achievement unlocked, and vows to finally keep track of his song picks before another year escapes him. From there, the show veers into New Year’s celebrations that look fun on television but are actually endurance tests involving diapers, barricades, and disappointment, including people standing around the Brooklyn Bridge staring at absolutely nothing thanks to fake social media accounts. Peaches compares that nightmare to his own wildly thrilling evening of scratch off lottery tickets, patio selfies, and winning a single dollar while his girlfriend quietly scrapbooks nearby.Things escalate quickly when Peaches dives headfirst into official government records detailing the most horrifying objects doctors have had to extract from human bodies, proving that boredom is apparently a medical diagnosis. He then fact checks viral videos involving a four hundred pound Indiana Jones boulder going rogue at Disney World, praises a stunt worker for taking one for the team, and questions why giant corporations cannot just admit someone got wrecked by a prop rock. The concert calendar gets multiple shoutouts as Peaches debates whether his body can survive back to back metal shows, forgets to do sports on time, scrolls TMZ like a man who has given up, and imagines John Madden breaking down Tom Brady dating rumors with a telestrator. Somewhere in the middle of that, Nicolas Cage becomes John Madden, MTV quietly pulls the plug on music television, and an entire city loses its mind over the demolition of a water tower like it is a beloved family member.The show continues spiraling as Peaches covers fake fireworks in England, fake fireworks in New York, and the universal human inability to verify information before traveling. A five hundred fifty pound bear sets up permanent residence under a California house and Peaches considers naming it and turning it into a security system. Massive seafood thefts spark a rant about overpriced lobster trucks, jobs that sound glamorous but are actually soul grinders get exposed, and Peaches reassures himself that radio is still the least traumatic option. A late night internal war breaks out over choosing Nine Inch Nails or Nothing More, and the episode closes strong with a naked Florida man robbing a meat market while wearing nothing but a mask and poor judgment, because of course it does. The first show of the year arrives loud, wandering, deeply specific, and completely unapologetic about where it ends up.