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I disagree with you. Okay. Because I think that, I think that you're a guy who actually, believe it or not, is a leader. Even though you don't believe it.
I'm a follower for supporting. No, you're not a follower. I'm a follower. Why?
Because you lead. I don't lead. I lead by example, by other people. You're lead.
You were in the TV show Lost. You're a leader. And you, okay, that's racism. Yes, I was, but I played both parts.
The man and the woman. That's what it is. We're not starting. We're just talking.
Because he's like ranting and raving. I'm ranting and raving. No, we have someone in. I'm in.
Come on over. You're the co-host. You walk in whatever you want to. This is your fucking podcast too.
Fuck. Kalilah. Coming in out like that. Kalilah.
You ready for this? I, for the very first time in my life, whenever it was, I don't know exactly, let's say 10 years ago, went with my girlfriend at the time and booked a hotel or Hotels.com or Hotel Tonight because I saw you in a commercial for it. Booking.com. Booking.com.
Yeah, Booking.com. That doesn't make me a leader. Of course it does. I just booked a commercial.
For the day. Easy work. Don't save my number. I didn't know that.
I didn't know that. I didn't get $500. I got $500 for that. $500.
Yeah, anyway, but like if I was in a Native American tribe with you. Got it. We would be on like Algonquin. Algonquin.
I would be picking berries and you would be hunting me. Yeah. Yeah, so that doesn't make me a fucking leader. No, I don't see that.
I'm making moccasins. No, but the thing is, I have a look. See, here's why I'd rather always be you. You have a look.
You have a look that says, I get killed in battle. I'm not a man. I'll get thrown off a cliff. They'll sacrifice me.
I'm like a little Asian panda boy. Things like that. You have that look where people are like, all right, I already don't believe him. I have a look.
Tall. German. Broad shoulders. Fix things.
Women. None of that is true. None of that is true. Tall.
Yes, but not really that tall. Shirt off, body melts. It's going this way. Women, not really good about them.
Don't know how to fix anything. Don't know how to cook anything. Don't really know how to leave. Just appear like I do.
So I'd rather. You're like a panda. Yes. Right.
So me, I'm panda, but not I'm human. Yes. Right? So we have the same kind of things, right?
You have expectations for your high. So you feel like I hear that. Yes. And I'm a letdown.
What I am is a letdown. But your nipples really go this way? They do. Mine too.
Oh, look at that. Good. Look at this. And you look like a Native American.
You look like a Pocahontas. Pocahontas are only fans. That's you. All right.
So my expectations are low, right? Yes. So if I just do anything remotely, you know what I mean? It's out of the box.
They're like, oh, what a surprise. But I can't even do that. What? If I fucking get a little minnow in the river, let's say we're on a tribe, right?
I wouldn't even be able to fucking get a minnow. I don't even know what a minnow is. You guys are not good eats. That's what I'm saying.
And I'd come back with it like this little thing going, I got the meal for the whole tribe. And they would fucking blow a bone and arrow on me, bro. Yeah, but I feel like you wouldn't get killed by a bone and arrow. You would be a guy who'd survive.
Honestly, you'd survive every type of battle. You'd survive. You'd survive at all. You'd be the guy.
You'd be the guy that you died of a slight call that turned into a fever. You'd go on a two, three-week illness. No, but I would be like the last of the Mohicans, but in reverse. They would have got me.
And check this out. When I was in high school, I told you this, right? When I was in middle school, I mean, I was at a party and this white dude goes suck my dick. I didn't question it because I just wanted to be a part of the cool group, right?
And so if I was a tribe, right? The white man, right? I would be there, like. I would do anything I could to suck.
I would just do whatever it took to survive. So I'm willing to do anything to survive. Betray your own people. Probably betray my own people, yeah.
But that's what people do. So I was in Boston, right? And you know, I was on a tour, I love history. And Paul Revere, you know, we've all heard Paul Revere.
Two of my land. Huh? Who's Paul Revere? No, okay, so Paul Revere, Colonial America.
I know who he is. He rode the horsey. Yes. Got it.
Yeah, that's right. He rode the horsey. Two of my land, one of my sea. If the British were coming by land, it would heal up two lancers by sea, one lancers, the whole thing.
Well, anyway, what a lot of people don't know about that story is at some point in the night, he gets captured by the British soldiers. The British army captures him, okay? All right here. But he's not got more work to do.
And it's lost in history. How did he, because 30 to 45 minutes later, he is released by the British. For some reason, unpronounced to the British, unpronounced to the colonies, it's just another thing in history. How do you think he did it?
He got down on his knees, he sucked their dicks, and he did it for freedom. So I would say, you are a patriot, and you love this country, and I respect you for loving this country, because most times, the country doesn't love you back. Oh, wow. Well, you're saying that the country doesn't love Asians back.
If I was president of the United States, I would make a law that said we have to love Asians, even though they're tough people to trust. We're sneaky. Sneaky. Pearl Harbor, sneak attack.
On call. Can I just say, let me argue with Pearl Harbor. I don't argue with Pearl Harbor. I don't argue with Pearl Harbor.
I don't argue with Pearl Harbor yet. You always go again with the white side of things. I'm going with the Japanese side. You are.
Okay, okay. All right, so do you think he should have gone this way? Okay. I'm Emperor Heirito.
Yeah. He's calling Roosevelt. That was the president, right? Or Eisenhower.
In World War II? During Pearl Harbor. During Pearl Harbor, the president would have been Truman. I'm sorry, it would have been FDR.
I said Roosevelt. Because Truman, that's what I said first. I was right. Yeah, Polio Roosevelt.
Right, so Emperor Heirito, you think the night before Pearl Harbor should have called Truman and went, hello? Hi, it's me. He's a Eagle. F-Y-O, the family, by the way.
Pretty cool. Oh, that's fine. That's a raspy. Right?
By the way, we are talking tomorrow morning. Or, you think they should have done it the way they did it. Because in a war, sneak attack is the best strategy. Right.
100%. I think what happened was, I think what happened was, is after Pearl Harbor, when they tried to knock out the entire United States Navy, and they didn't because all the aircraft was in the middle of the sea, I think they went back to their little Japanese huts. And there were some buildings. I think there were some buildings.
I think that they were probably like Emperor Heirito. They did it. Emperor Heirito. And they went, they did Julia Roberts' pretty woman voice.
They said, big mistake. Huge. I think that's what happened. Because then, unfortunately, you didn't regret it.
You didn't regret it. That is right away. Because what happened was, if that happened, then I pissed the United States off. And then, unfortunately, the United States, when they get mad at countries like that, you know.
I don't even view it that way. I don't view they pissed off the United States. I believe they pissed off white people. Because when white people get pissed off, you guys take it to the next level.
We don't. You're not. Yeah, you guys take it to the next level. Like serial killing, you can't just kill, you gotta eat them too.
Whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, listen, I'd argue that's keto. That's what I'd argue.
No card. Yeah, that's keto. Here's the thing. You ready for this?
You ready for this? I'm about to say. And I know my grandfather would be rolling over in his urn. He's been created.
So I think the Japanese have to attack Pearl Harbor. Why? I'm not even mad at the Asians for doing that. I think they had no choice.
Because what happened was, is by the way, let's just talk. You're Korean anyway, right? I'm specifically Korean. I think it's totally okay.
10% Japanese. That's what 23 means says, but I don't know if I agree with you. Even though I'm all about stopping Asian hate, I think we can shit on 1930s Japanese people. I think we can shit on them all day.
Rape of Nanking, killing Chinese babies with pain. That's no good. That was no good. The Americans treated the Japanese like second-class citizens in World War I treaty.
Japan, they didn't give them nothing. We said, no, you know, just bring me more wine. Get out of here, little Japanese boys and girls. That's what the Americans said.
We said, no, get out of here. Put some shoes and socks on when you come to this meeting, I'm sitting on the fucking floor. That's what they said to the country of Japan in World War I. It's messed up.
No, it's messed up. Don't smile when you say it. Okay. It's what you say when you say it.
It's just a different context. It's a spark. Yeah, it's a spark. So they got angry.
They said, you know, when you're showing up to these meetings, you're in a fucking bathrobe with a sword. What are you doing? With a suit here. So they got mad.
So they got mad. They're just walking around with a samurai sword. And I get that. These guys show up to the fucking big meeting with all the world leaders on a bicycle.
You can't do that. I love it. I love it. So then 25 years between World War I and World War II, they're getting angry, angry, angry.
They're taking over more of Asia. They're taking over China. They want to take all these countries. And they're winning.
They're doing well. So who's giving them the oil to supply the Japanese war machine? The United States. We're giving them the oil.
But then after Japan starts to take over a little bit too much, they got too close. They got too close to the Philippines. And the United States wants to the Philippines. We want Thailand.
That's where our ladyboys are. We like that. So we're not going to give that up. The Philippines was Epstein's Island before Epstein's Island.
So we were fucking all over. What's Epstein's Island? Epstein, well, we have 7,000 islands. I get it now.
Beautiful Island. No, that's true. I don't know what went on there, but it's a beautiful island. Beautiful Island.
And beautiful ladyboys and beautiful kids said they would have sex. I don't know about that. But the island... No, this is history.
This is the 1940s. So then what happened was we got too close to the Philippines. The United States says, FDR says, no more oil for Japan. And then what happened?
Now we're stuck. Now the Japanese war machine is stuck in China. It's like, what the fuck? What are we going to do?
Well, now, unfortunately, we have to attack the United States. And they made a plan to say, we will attack Pearl Harbor. They're big aircraft carriers. They're big aircraft carriers.
We'll be out in the middle of the ocean. But the Japanese interpreter, unfortunately, he was dyslexic. This is true. Are you sure?
Flip the dates. Scheduling error. Wait, wait, that's true. No, that's true.
The interpreter was dyslexic. The interpreter was dyslexic. So he thought December 7th, 1941, meant all the things, all the aircraft carriers would be in the water. But it was really like July 12th.
It was 12th, 7th, 12th. He fucked up. He got beheaded. He got beheaded when he got back to Japan.
No, you don't understand how bad they fucked. Japan knew immediately that they fucked up. Because now you just woke up to Sleeping Giant. We were neutral.
We were not going to fight in the war. And then, you know, things got hairy from there. But the Japanese didn't have a good fight. But then we had to nuke them.
But that wasn't really... There was a whole thing. That was Harry Truman, though. I will say, polio FDR would not have nuke Japan, but then he died because he has fucking polio.
And then we put Harry S. Truman in there. And that guy just wanted to prove a point. Do you think that was...
Do you think the nuclear bomb was overboard? Or do you think that was a... I think it was our way to show... Just like how China threw COVID at everyone.
I think we had to show... What happened was, the truth of the nuke is this. If I was fucking in a porn, right? I was in a Japanese porn.
And then Shaquille Omyo came in with his big dick. Yes. Right? That's what I feel like.
Yeah, the nuclear bomb. It's the same thing. Marketing has been the United States key. Why we were number one for a while is because we're good marketers.
From the Revolutionary War. It's all declaration of independence. It's all a lie. It's marketing.
We're just marketing to the people. Buy our lies. Buy our lies. It's all lies.
So nuclear bomb. We told the people, oh, we have to invade mainland Japan. Go to Tokyo. You know, these Japanese guys are fighting holes.
They're running around. They're like, they're jumping off. They'll kill all of us. They'll kill another million of your sons.
Do you want that? The American people say, we don't want that. Okay, here's the other option. We'll drop the nukes.
On Hiroshima and Nagasaki, a few random places. It's okay, we want that because then our soldiers won't die. But the truth is, Japan was going to surrender. They were going to surrender.
Russia. Here's the thing. Russia came into the war. And that's what scared the Japanese.
The only thing that scares Japanese people are Russians and dogs. You guys don't like dogs, right? I love dogs. I think you're scared of dogs.
I have four dogs upstairs. No. So, Russia. I do.
No, I do. Russians were, that's the Japanese, that was the government of Japan's Godzilla. Godzilla. Russia.
I know Godzilla's without that sense. So, Russia was coming in from one way. And they said, Japan was like, no, no, no, we don't want to fight the fucking Russians. Those guys are fucking crazier than us.
They're like Japanese people, but bigger and whiter. So, they're like, fuck those guys. So, the United States is saying, here's a nice timing for the United States to come in and say, well, we have this thing. We took our little dude boy, Albert Einstein, and we took him from Germany.
We took a little baby Einstein from Germany. And we said, make a nuke. Make a nuke. Or we'll tell you when you're fucking little boys on Epstein's Island.
And that's what we're going to do. Just like we have that shit now. We said, listen, little Einstein, you little fucker. You make the nuke for us.
And then Einstein and Robert Oppenheimer, they make the nuke. Now, we got a nice fucking weapon. And so, we say, we got to drop it. Who's the best place to drop it on?
Japanese. Right. Drop it on them. So, we dropped two.
First one, unnecessary. Second one, I can't explain to you how unnecessary it was. Beyond unnecessary. But, what did it do?
So, Russia, do not fuck with us. Don't fuck with us. That's really why we did it. So, it's fucked up.
And I still believe to this day that someday, there's no way Japan just forgot about that. I think they've completely forgotten or whatever. Well, they don't know their history. It's all history.
You know, as I say, it's written by the winners. But you got to read it from the losers. You got to read books. I like to watch documentaries from what's the Nazis point of view?
What's the Japanese point of view? What's the British point of view? Then you start to come. Then the story starts to meet the millions.
I love the Nazis point of view. What is the Nazis point of view? I love the Nazis. Well, the Nazis point of view, my dear, is that number one, fun fact, most Germans, like overwhelming majority, 80% plus, I'm going to say, did not know about the Holocaust.
The Nazi army did not want anything to do with the Holocaust. They did not want to put Jewish people in ovens. That was a small faction of Germans. Horrible, yes, can't deny it.
Bad Holocaust. But we got Republicans and then we have insurrectionists, which is like a smaller group. Exactly, exactly. So, right, exactly.
So, you know, like the SS would have been the ones, that's the small group of people. They hated Jews. They were truly racist. So they hated Jews when they put them in ovens, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Did they really, though? Did they really hate them or are they just being influenced by one guy? Yeah, like anything else. Well, there's influence.
Well, I think that there was, first of all, the Jews are very good, very, you know, cunning, ran a lot of of businesses in Germany. They were doing better than most Germans. They just figured it out quicker. But you got to put yourself in the little German shoes.
Put yourself in the little German shoes of young Hans Heidenberger in Germany in the 1920s. They got destroyed in World War I. They had no country. They were completely destroyed.
Also, that treaty that I was talking about where we told the Japanese because we won. World War I United States where we told the Japanese even though the Japanese was on our side. We said, Japan, get out of here. We gave Germany.
Not only did we give Germany nothing. We gave Germany nothing. We also said, you owe us, right for this, $1 billion in 1919 money. So what is Germany supposed to do?
Hate the Jews. That's what they have to do. They have to now rally around the group. Say, I hate this group for X, Y, and Z.
Make the military get themselves out of debt through war. That's the only way. And then they start to rebuild their country. And like, we're going to take over everyone.
And everyone else in the 1930s after the World War I was just sitting there drinking lemons with Japanese, you know, China having fun with the bayonets. Japanese inventing, you know, harirang and whatever hibachi stuff. Making hot dogs, getting fat, blowing moose. You know, Mexicans running the cartels.
We're having fun. What are the Nazis doing? Head down, building machines, Luftwaffe, building the Air Force, saying we're going to fucking kill everybody now because you fucked us. And that's what they tried to do.
You know they were this close. That's how big the dicks were? Germany, but they said that's the reason why they did it. That's the reason why they said we have to take over everyone because we have no money.
The regular German citizen sitting there in 1925 had no money. They only make like $3 to $5 a year with inflation. So what are they going to do? Is there any moments in your life where you can just be quiet?
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It's like you have to keep talking. You're like Howie Mandel in that way. Howie Mandel has a constant. I love him.
One of the greatest guys. But he's constantly moving. Like if you go to a studio, he's like you gotta see this. And look at this one.
Like the hologram thing that he's doing. Look at this hologram. You stand there. And you can't just, we haven't even started the podcast.
You haven't started the show or anything and you're giving us a fucking history lesson, man. I like it. I love it. I learned a lot.
I learned so much. My stepdad was my high school history teacher. Nice. So I like.
You think you're going to tell any of the students? My mom. She was a high school student when they. How you guys doing?
You fucked up his history flow. I loved it. It was great. But there was a time though I was like, I love this.
Shut up. No. I was just like, I just kind of want to move on. That's what happens with history usually.
You want to move on. But it's because it's cyclical. You're seeing what all that stuff happens now. It's so crazy.
This eight Japanese prime minister being shot looks very, feels very similar to how World War I started. Wow. France got shot. And then you're now all these countries are always trying to get, everyone's trying to get fucking nervous now.
Before we move on, I don't want to jump off the history wagon just yet. What are your thoughts? Are you like in the know in regards to the new Philippine president, Bongbong Marcos? His name is Bongbong Marcos?
Yeah. No, I don't. I actually don't know anything about him. Oh, then he's probably with small hands.
Ooh, okay, okay. How do you spell Bongbong? Bongbong. B-O-N-G, B-O-N-G.
Uh-huh. Bongbong. Oh, one word. Bongbong.
Is Bongbong fine? I mean, can you call him Bongbong? What do you think of Bongbong? Oh, you're really mad.
What's up, Bongbong? Bongbong, all right, my bad. You have to double it up all the time. It's conservative, liberal.
What's his politics? He's Marcos. He's Imelda Marcos' son. Oh, okay.
So, yeah. Are they both CGI Bongbongs? Oh, Bongbong's two people. No.
Oh, you're Bongbong and Bongbong. What the fuck? Is the leader of Philippine strands? Who is that?
That's Bongbong. That's a man. Is that a woman on the left? You don't know.
I don't know what is going on here. I mean, they're all women. That's it right here. That's Bongbong.
So, who's the person on the left? I believe it's one. That is, no, I think that's Sarah Duterte, which is the daughter of, um, she's a VP. Yeah, when they just all breathe with each other, they just all look the same.
Yeah, that's what's going on. You know what I mean? Yeah. He looks, the Filipino president looks like he could be, uh, okay, but I guess there's a darkness behind him, right?
Yeah, because he's, yeah. But who's worse, Bongbong or Duterte? We don't know yet. We're about to find out.
Duterte was a bad guy, right? Yeah, Duterte is the one who used to kill citizens in the street, right? Like, shoot them swimming in the ocean. What were they doing?
That's the question, and that's the question we all ask. But why? She's okay? They're swimming?
I say okay. Anyway, go ahead. Stop for it. Welcome to another episode of, uh...
It's starting now. It's 25 minutes. Oh, is all that unusable? No, no, it's a hit!
It's a hit! We're opening the way we're opening with that. Right, but now we're gonna do the intro because I have to do the intro. Okay.
I don't know why I do it. I just have to. It's like an itch. It's like a compulsion.
It's a compulsion to do it. That's fine. Yeah, yeah. I would love to dive into history with you.
There's many things I have to ask. You can ask them all. I will ask them all. But, uh, I mean, how do you know?
Did you go to history class? I love history. I went to history. I was a history minor in college.
I love history. I'm fascinated with it. You know why I think I like history? I've been trying to think about this.
I think about this a lot. I really get deep into the thought when I'm on the toilet bowl or masturbating. That's when I was masturbating the other night. I was like, why do I like history so much?
And I think it's because it's the only place that I love that never changes. It's a constant. It can't change. I can change my story about how I interpret the facts, but the facts don't change.
It is there. It is always gonna be the same. And it calms my anxiety to just know that the way I remember it is I can check up on that and it's always gonna be that way because that's what happens in history. Yeah, you like that.
But here's why I don't like history, too. It seems as if we never learned from our history. It keeps repeating itself, right? I mean, if you watch Chernobyl, the TV show, and then you watch the documentary on Three Mile Island, right?
It's the same kind of vibe. Even the stuff that's going on in our government and what's going on with the... It just reminds me of the past. And I feel like human beings don't evolve.
We don't change. And human nature is greed. Human nature is power. And I don't think that's ever gonna change.
I mean, Socrates said it as a thousand years ago. People will be people. Always. And Peshmo said that, too.
Peshmo said that. People are people. So why should it? Yep, you and I.
But what do you think about when you masturbate, Bobby? Pussy. Not you. Your history.
Very, very, very, very. I'm sorry, I'm still blinded. So history. Not necessarily history.
I would say when I masturbate, it's usually blank. It's just blank. Oh, it's a blank slate. Yeah, I don't really think about it.
Oh, you're an artist. Yes. Like Rembrandt. You ready for this?
The network, the channel that I've masturbated, the background noise that I've masturbated to the most in my life by far is ESPN. 100%. Whose voice? What show in whose voice?
Scott Van Pelt. No, not Scott Van Pelt. Well, oldy, but RIP, Stuart Scott. I like that, his voice shooting, RIP.
Once a while, I jerk off a little bit of female tennis. Sometimes I jerk off to the WNBA because it makes me think about my dad. Why? In what way?
In what way? No, I'm saying. No, in what way? Well, in what way?
Yeah, yeah. Because my dad, if I would have a bad basketball game, or bad practice, he would make a point to take me to either a WNBA New York Liberty game or a women's high school game and be like, look at these girls, they're fucking better than you. Look, they can do it. He would say, that's a girl, and she's better than you.
How does that make you think you sit there on my dick in between my legs? Oh, wow. Really, he was like that? No, he would do that a couple times, but he was very adamant about you need to, like, you're not practicing hard enough.
Yeah, he would hit me with a broom. We would have all types of drills, basketball drills we do, shooting drills, dribbling drills. He would always hit me with a broom. He throws, you know, baseball, he was my baseball coach.
If I was sitting there, like, you know, just looking into fucking space at butterflies or whatever, playing shorts, I would throw a ball at me as hard as he could. Then I would have hit me in the chest. Oh, do you ever cry in your room alone? I remember one time I got hit by a pitch.
I was maybe in fifth grade. I got hit by a pitch, one is to get up, right? Or would you like the alternative, which is like, oh, you're okay. There's a middle.