Ep 6 - Rediscover Yourself After Loss

Second R: REDISCOVER 🎙️ EPISODE: REDISCOVER Rediscover: Finding What Matters to You Now This is the season where you don't rush, but you reintroduce yourself to the woman God is shaping you into. Think of it like meeting yourself again...but this time, with more wisdom, more grace, and way less tolerance for nonsense. Have you ever caught yourself thinking… “I’m still me… but life doesn’t feel the same?” Like something has shifted…Not just around you…but inside you? This is where rediscovery begins. 💛 INTRO Hi y’all, welcome back to Grief Relief for Christian Women. I’m Patty, and today we’re talking about the second R of my 3 R's: Rediscover. This one might surprise you,  Because rediscovery isn’t always about finding yourself--or rediscovering yourself. Sometimes… It’s about reconnecting with what matters now. Let’s pray. 🙏 PRAYER “Lord, help her see herself clearly. Not through grief alone… but through Your eyes. Show her what still matters… and what she can gently release. Guide her as she rediscovers life in this new season. In Jesus’ name, Amen.” 🧠 MAIN TEACHING Now listen--this is important: You didn’t lose yourself.  You lost someone you love. But life around you has changed. THAT'S THE MOMENT YOU REALIZE YOU’RE NOT THE SAME! And when life changes… priorities shift. I remember thinking… “What do I want this next season of my life to look like?” Not because I didn’t know who I was… But because what mattered to me started to feel different. I slowed down. I let go of things that didn’t feel important anymore. And I leaned into things that brought peace… and meaning.  I discovered how important my family and my friends are to me. They have always been important, but let's be honest, life gets in the way, and I needed to reconnect with a lot of these people. These are people that I've known all my life, and when I needed them, sometimes, just to sit and let me cry, they were there and still are. The ones that can't handle that, well, they probably weren't that important to you in the first place. This grief journey is a way of cleaning out the closets and drawers of unimportant stuff--or things that no longer fit and that is the same with people in your life. Rediscover and Declutter! :) I started reading the Bible more--I was searching for answers from God, but I was also trying to discover what was next. That’s when I started asking: “What does this season look like for me?” Rediscovery isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about alignment. What matters now? What feels right now? What do I want to carry forward… and what can I let go of? Speaking of letting go of...well, you might also discover things that you don't like in this process. Like me! I discovered I didn't want our house any longer. Ralph and I bought our house on 6.2 acres out in the country. This was in 2003, before we got married, but we did get married in that backyard less than a year later. This was our dream home. It looked like a barn (a barndominium), some called it, and not perfect for just any family, but it was perfect for us.  It had only one large open room upstairs, which was our bedroom, a guest bed, an office, and a bathroom with 2 very small closets. God built this house for us, and I think that's why it hadn't sold until we found it! We had chickens, goats, pigeons, and horses, not all at the same time, but at different times for the 15 years that we lived there. Of course, we had our dogs and cats, which had been laid to rest on that land, and oh so many memories in that house! I thought I couldn't bear ever to get rid of it--but I also thought I couldn't bear to live there without Ralph. That was our dream, not just mine alone. 6 acres is a lot to take care of, and the 2 of us did keep up with all the maintenance pretty well for years, even though it was a lot. But for just one person, that person being me--it wasn't easy, and it wasn't getting done. So one day, about a year after he was gone, I decided to sell it. I finally had a contractor come out and had the things repaired that needed to be repaired, and remodeled where we always planned to, but never did, and put it up for sale. It took about 6 months, but it sold, and I could not have been more excited. Yes, it was sad too, but I knew I couldn't keep it up on my own, and I have plenty of pictures to remember it when we both lived there. So, I DISCOVERED that I didn't really want a house and a lot of land in the country--not without him anyway.  💬 Change happens after you lose your husband! Whether you like it or not, or are ready for it or not, it's all part of the journey. I will say that some changes are easier than others, and some turn out better than others. Even if life feels unfamiliar… You are still you--just a different you--walking through a different season. When Ralph died, I remember thinking: “OK, what do I do now! I was a married woman yesterday, but today I am single--a widow!  And that’s honest. Loss doesn’t just take the person you love… it takes the version of you that lived that life with them. WHAT REDISCOVERY LOOKED LIKE FOR ME Let me share what I actually did — the practical, real-life steps God led me through. I let myself fall apart… on purpose. I stopped pretending. I sat with God and said, “Lord, if You don’t hold me together, nothing will.” I had to rediscover what I wanted (as a single person), Not “Ralph’s wife.” and NOT with Ralph, and Not “the widow.” Just me — The daughter God loves way too much to leave broken. I reminded myself daily-- You’re still here. You matter. God is not done. I permitted myself to laugh again--or at least not feel guilty when I did. I rebuilt my rhythms...My mornings, evenings, meals — everything had to be rediscovered. BTW, did anyone else stop cooking after your husband died? I did because I didn't feel there was joy in cooking for myself or for just one. I cooked all of the time when Ralph was there because I loved to see his reaction to what I cooked. It was mostly good reactions, but he was brutally honest, in his witty way, and would let me know if it wasn't good. I took inventory of what survived. My humor, my faith, my strength, my ability to love. I rediscovered my voice by helping others. When I encouraged someone else, God whispered, “See? You helped someone (just by being me) through my own grief experience.” I honored my past because I would not be me without it. I let God reintroduce me to myself. “Lord, show me who I am now.” And He did — beautifully. I started dreaming again. Tiny sparks that turned into this podcast. Rediscovering yourself is not replacing what you had. It’s uncovering the woman God already saw… the one who could walk through fire and still shine. So here’s your reminder today: 💛 You are not lost. 💛 You are still here, and you matter 💛 And God is faithfully guiding every step. This week, ask yourself one question: “What feels important to me right now?” Write it down. Don’t overthink it. Just notice what comes up. That’s where rediscovery begins. You can revisit old interests: Loss sometimes makes us forget what we used to love. - What hobbies did you abandon? Something you stopped doing since your loss or even years ago when the 2 of you got together. - What made you smile before life got heavy? Try something completely new: A pottery class? Painting? Dancing? New experiences spark new versions of you. Create Your Own Boundaries list: - What drains me? - What fills me? - What no longer works for me? Start a "What I Want Now" list: This is powerful, and it can be added to along your journey as you discover more about you: - What do I want spiritually? - What do I want emotionally? - What do I want in community, work, lifestyle? Explore Your Strengths. Loss stretches you in ways you never asked for...but look at the strengths you've gained:  - Patience - Resilience - Wisdom - Compassion Refresh your environment: A small change says, "A new season is beginning." - Rearrange furniture - Sell your house :) - Plant a new garden with bright, cheery flowers Go visit a friend who makes you belly-laugh! Book a trip Take a nap without guilt Go to bed as late as you want Sleep as late as you want Eat what you want Girl, sometimes rediscovery feels like resurrection! 💛 OUTRO If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who may be trying to figure out what matters now, too. Next time… we’re talking about Reimagine—and how to begin seeing a future again. Until then… Be gentle with your heart. You are not lost. You are rediscovering. OUTRO If you want to go deeper, I made you a Rediscover Yourself After Loss Worksheet. gentle journaling, reflection, and prayer to help you lean into who God is shaping you to be in this season. You can download it from the Show notes. And as always — I love you, I’m praying for you, and God’s not done with your story. Download here: REDISCOVER YOURSELF AFTER LOSS