Ephesians 5:21-28 - Christlike Harmony in the Home

Paul opens this entire section with a keyprinciple in verse 21: “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear ofGod.” That word submission is foundational. Submission does notcancel authority or reverse roles. Children are not placed over parents, andservants are not placed over masters. Rather, submission governs howauthority is exercised and how it is received. JesusHimself taught this principle repeatedly. He warned His disciples not to seekgreatness by throwing their weight around or promoting themselves. Sadly, theystruggled to learn that lesson—even at the Last Supper, they argued over whowas the greatest. When Jesus washed their feet, He demonstrated that truegreatness uses authority to serve others, not to exalt oneself. Scripturereminds us to esteem others as more important than ourselves. By nature, wewant to promote ourselves, but the Holy Spirit enables us to submit ourselves. Paulthen applies this principle first to marriage, and it is important to rememberthat he is writing to believers. He is not teaching that women areinferior to men, nor that all women must submit to all men in every situation.By using Christ and the church as his illustration, Paul makes it clear that heis describing the Christian home.Hebegins with wives. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as untothe Lord.” Paul gives two reasons: the lordship of Christ and the headshipof the husband in Christ. When a Christian wife is submitted to Christ as Lord,she will not find it difficult to submit to her husband. This submission is notslavery, because the husband himself is also submitted to Christ. When bothhusband and wife live under Christ’s lordship, harmony becomes possible. Headshipdoes not mean dictatorship. It means loving leadership. A Christian husband andwife should pray together and spend time in God’s Word, seeking His will fortheir lives and for their home. Many marital conflicts arise when one or bothpartners fail to submit to Christ, neglect God’s Word, and stop seeking Hiswill daily. Thisis why Scripture warns believers not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Amarriage where only one partner is submitted to Christ begins with built-inconflict. But even Christian couples must be careful to submit to Christ beforemarriage. Couples who pray together, seek God’s will, and obey His Word lay astrong foundation.  Paulthen turns his attention to husbands, and he says much more to them. “Husbands,love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church.” This is anincredibly high standard. Paul lifts marriage to its highest level by showingit as a living illustration of Christ’s relationship with His church. Marriageserves many purposes—emotional companionship, family, and physicalfulfillment—but Paul emphasizes its spiritual purpose.  Ahusband’s love is to be sacrificial. Christ gave Himself for the church,and the husband is called to give himself for his wife. True Christian love isnot selfish. It willingly pays a price so that the other may grow and glorifyGod. Thislove is also sanctifying. Christ cleanses His church through the Word,and a husband’s love should help his wife grow spiritually. Marriage is meantto be a setting where both husband and wife are becoming more like Christ. Eventhe physical relationship, when governed by God, becomes a means of spiritualenrichment, not selfish use. Love that sanctifies always builds up—it neverdegrades. Finally,a husband’s love is to be satisfying. Because husband and wife are oneflesh, loving one’s spouse is loving oneself. Love nourishes, strengthens, andfulfills. There should be no starvation for love in a Christian home. When bothhusband and wife are submitted to Christ and to one another, their physical,emotional, and spiritual needs are met, and the temptation to seek fulfillmentelsewhere loses its power.