Ephesians 6:4 - The Home: The Father's Responsibilities

Today we continue in Ephesians chapter 6, looking at verse 4, where the ApostlePaul speaks directly to fathers about their God-given responsibilities in thehome. In this one verse, God gives us both a warning and a calling.If left to themselves, children will naturally go their own way. Scripture andexperience both confirm this. That is why God places the responsibility oftraining children squarely on the parents—especially the father. The Biblerecords tragic consequences when parents neglect this calling. David pamperedAbsalom, and it ended in rebellion and heartbreak. Eli failed to discipline hissons, and it brought disgrace to his family and defeat to Israel. Favoritism inIsaac’s and Jacob’s homes produced division and sorrow. God gives us theseaccounts as warnings, not merely history lessons.In this one verse Pauloutlines several responsibilities for fathers. First, a father must notprovoke his children. In Paul’s day, fathers held tremendous authority. InRoman culture, a father even had the legal right to accept or reject a newbornchild. Paul confronts that abuse of power directly and says, in effect, “Do notuse your authority to crush your children, but to build them up.” In Colossians3:21, Paul added, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they bediscouraged.” The opposite of provoking is encouraging. Fathersprovoke their children when they say one thing and do another, when theycriticize but rarely praise, when discipline is harsh one day and ignored thenext, when favoritism exists in the home, or when promises are made but notkept. Children can also be provoked when parents dismiss problems that are veryreal and painful to them. Christian parents need the fullness of the HolySpirit to respond with wisdom, patience, and sensitivity to their children’sneeds.Second,a father must nurture his children. Paul says, “Bring them up”—aphrase that means to nourish or cherish. It is the same word used earlier whenhusbands are told to nourish their wives. Fathers are called to nourish theirchildren not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Providing food,clothing, and shelter is important—but it is not enough. Children also needlove, encouragement, affirmation, and spiritual guidance. Jesus gives us the pattern: “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.” That is balanced growth—mental, physical, spiritual, and social. Nowhere in Scripture does God assign the spiritual training of childrento institutions outside the home. Churches and schools can assist, but theresponsibility belongs to the parents.Third,a father must discipline his children. The word translated “training”carries the idea of discipline and correction. Scripture consistently teachesthat discipline is an expression of love. “Whom the Lord loves, Hedisciplines.” A lack of discipline does not show kindness—it shows neglect.However, discipline must be done in the right way. It must never beadministered in anger. A parent who loses control cannot teach self-control.Discipline must also be fair and consistent. Children need to know where theboundaries are. Loving discipline provides security. Even when childrendisagree, they understand that someone cares enough to guide them. Many adultstoday admit they never knew where the limits were growing up because no onecared enough to discipline them. That uncertainty often leads to insecurity andpoor choices later in life.Fourth,a father must instruct and encourage his children. Paul uses the word “admonition,”which refers to verbal instruction and counsel. Parenting is not only aboutactions—it is also about words. The book of Proverbs is filled with a fatherlovingly instructing his son in the ways of wisdom. Children may not alwaysappreciate instruction at the moment, but that does not remove theresponsibility to teach. Our counsel must always be rooted in the Word of God,which equips us to guide our children wisely.