Episode 021: She Lost Everything to a Rare Disease. Then She Wrote the Laws That Could Help You with Barby Ingle

Episode SummaryBarby Ingle was at the top of her game. Coaching at Washington State University in the athletic department, cheering at every sport from basketball to cross country, taking the dance team to the national top five, running her own cheer and dance training company on the side, named top five choreographer in the country. She was a human doing, building and creating at full speed. Then a minor car accident changed everything in eight seconds.They told her it was whiplash. They told her she would be better in three to four days. She spent the next seven years seeing over forty doctors, losing her coaching career, losing her business, moving from one state to another for care, going on food stamps, losing the ability to drive, and sleeping twenty to twenty three hours a day from pain so severe she would lie flat on the ground at practice pretending to coach because she could not sit up. The forty third doctor finally got it right. Reflex sympathetic dystrophy, now known as algoneurodystrophy, a rare disease where everything automatic in the body goes haywire, the nervous system fires constantly, and muscle and bone begin to deteriorate. In 2009 she went into a hospital in Philadelphia in a wheelchair and walked out seven days later, wobbly and overwhelmed, crying because she had shoes on her feet. What she built from that place is staggering. Nine books. Over forty accolades. President of the International Pain Foundation. Author of Arizona legislation that has passed into law. Over two thousand media features. Active work on over a hundred bills across thirty six states and federally, including with the Department of Defense for veterans. And now she is running for Arizona state representative in her district. She did not just survive. She became the person other people in the same storm desperately needed to exist.This episode is for anyone who has had their identity stripped away by something they did not see coming, and has not yet found the I am list on the other side of it.In This Episode, You'll Discover:What Barby's life looked like at Washington State University before the accident, coaching at Rose Bowls, scheduling fun into practice agendas, and running her own training company on top of a D1 coaching roleThe eight seconds that changed everything, a minor car accident, a whiplash diagnosis, and the seven years of forty plus doctors, food stamps, and sleeping twenty to twenty three hours a day that followedHow the forty third doctor diagnosed reflex sympathetic dystrophy and what that disease actually does to the body, and how Barby walked out of a Philadelphia hospital in 2009 after seven days of specialized ICU treatmentThe I am exercise her psychiatrist gave her when she could not name a single thing she still was after losing her career, her business, and her identity, and how she went from having nothing on the list to over one hundred and fifty itemsHow Barby reframed physical cheerleading into mental cheerleading, why she believes God always intended her to be a cheerleader just not in the way she imagined at four years old, and what the difference between pebbles, rocks, and boulders taught her about reading divine directionThe five stages of group formation Barby used intuitively as a military kid before she ever studied psychology, and why getting through the storming phase as fast as possible is the key to any new relationship or networkHow Barby went from testifying in a wheelchair at the state house in 2009 to authoring her own legislation by 2022, and the step by step process she teaches others to do the same for healthcare reformWhy Barby says hope is true, not a feeling but a fact, and the song she and her husband wrote to prove itKey Takeaways:Everything That You Are Is Not Everything That You Do. When the disease took Barby's career and her business, she felt like she had lost all of herself. Her psychiatrist gave her one instruction: make your I am list. Start with the spiritual and build from there. By the time she returned to his office she had twenty five items. Today she has over one hundred and fifty. Your doing does not define your being.God Talks in Pebbles Before He Sends Boulders. Barby's framework for discernment is practical. Pebbles are gentle signals you are on the right path. Rocks are warnings you are drifting. Boulders are the things that stop your life entirely and demand your full attention. She views her accident as a boulder she needed because she was not paying attention to the pebbles. When the rocks start flying, readjust before the boulder arrives.Learn How to Learn, Not Just What to Learn. Barby's early learning disability forced her to find every possible route to understanding something. That same skill is what carried her through the language of healthcare, through legislation, through building organizations from scratch. There is not one way to do anything. Be ready for B, C, E, Z, double A. Adapt.The I Am List Is Not Motivational. It Is Survival. When you are that far down, generic encouragement does not land. The specificity of writing your own I am statements, in your own voice, about your actual gifts, is the tool that actually works. Start with one. Make it spiritual if nothing else comes. Then build. The list is the foundation everything else gets rebuilt on.Nothing About Us Without Us. Barby's core message on healthcare is this: you are the only person who lives in your body twenty four hours a day. The provider across the desk does not know what it is like in your home. You are not a passive recipient of care. You are a participant. Ask questions. Push back. Learn the language. Be responsible for yourself in the process.Everyone Is Climbing the Mountain. There Is Room for All of Us. Barby rejects the idea that someone else's success is a threat to yours. She sees every person at a different elevation, and the only job of the person ahead of you is to reach back and give a hand up. Holding a door open, taking a photo for a stranger, noticing the wallflower, these are the acts that keep the mountain moving.Hope Is Oxygen. Barby does not use hope as a vague comfort phrase. She treats it as a fact. Even the smallest amount of hope can give you the spark to light the fire. You need it to function the same way you need water. It is not wishful thinking. It is the thing that gets you through when nothing else will.Give Yourself a Term Limit. Whether it is a relationship, a career, a belief, a habit, or a role you have outgrown, ask yourself what you have accomplished and what you are still trying to do. If the goals are met and you have not set new ones, it may be time to move. The people, for the people, by the people applies beyond politics.Timestamps:[00:00] Karl introduces Barby Ingle: born in Bangkok, military family, learning disability, Washington State University, rare disease, nine books, Arizona legislation, running for state representative[03:00] Growing up in a military family, being born into constant change, and why Barby learned to make new people feel seen and heard before she ever knew there were five stages to it[07:00] The five stages of group formation: forming, storming, norming, performing, adjourning, and why the storming phase is the one to get through fastest[11:00] Life at Washington State University: coaching every sport in the athletic department, scheduling fun into practice agendas, two Rose Bowls, a Sun Bowl, and running her own training comp...