Episode 062 - The College and the Donut Shop

It's really hard to grasp what America was like in late 1973 if you didn't live through those times. For one thing, the country was in the process of falling apart. The unprecedented scandal of Watergate was starting to reach a boiling point, the executive branch of the US government was coming unhinged from the top down and nobody knew what was going to happen next.           Somehow, it all seemed like an extension of the earlier national nightmare that had begun with the escalation of the war in Vietnam, which became deeply unpopular.  Tens of thousands of US soldiers were dying for no apparent reason, as the enemy posed no discernable threat to America. Massive protests were taking place constantly and finally, things began to change. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. came out firmly against the war and a few months later, Senator Robert Kennedy announced his opposition to it he launched his candidacy for president.             Then, on April 4, 1968, Dr. King was assassinated. And just sixty-four days later, Senator Kennedy met the same brutal fate. They were both extremely popular iconic figures in American culture, deeply compassionate, powerful leaders who represented the hope for a brighter, more enlightened future for the country. And they were young as well, which was deeply meaningful to the 76 million Baby Boomers in the population. Although they had accomplished so much in their lifetimes, King was only 39 and Kennedy was only 42. Then, with a couple of tragic flashes of gunfire, to our extreme shock and dismay, both Martin and Bobby were suddenly gone, and the two strongest voices for peace and sanity in the country had been silenced.   Predictably, the war kept escalating and the student protests continued to increase. Then the Kent State Massacre happened, when four unarmed college kids were gunned down in cold blood by the Ohio National Guard. The country went into complete chaos and things went rapidly downhill from there. Fear and confusion became the new American way of life. Eventually things seemed to normalize out for a while, but then the treachery and darkness of Watergate, with its resulting severe constitutional crisis took it all to a whole new level. Again, if you didn't live through these events, you can't imagine how disconcerting and deeply traumatic it was, as it all played out in real time.             But there was also something else happening during those days that is just as hard to grasp from today's perspective. Almost as if it was the opposite end of the spectrum, an enormous interest in personal growth was rapidly spreading throughout the country as well. It had been prompted by the Beatles' trip to India to study meditation, which also happened in 1968 and it continued growing exponentially from there.   By early 1974, the search for inner peace and consciousness evolution seemed to be everywhere. And given the metaphysical events that had happened to me around the sudden death of my father, which shook my world to its very core, it made sense that I found myself travelling down this newfound road towards self-discovery. In those days, I was entering into my second year of living in a meditation ashram, which was a modern American version of basic monastic living. We practiced meditation two to three hours a day and attended lectures on a nightly basis. We had about thirty people under the age of thirty, living together communally, and the rules of the house were no meat, no fish, no eggs, no sex, no dope, no booze. You can imagine what that was like.             We also had information meetings that were open to the public, which regularly drew hundreds of people who were interested in inner growth. As a result of these meetings, there was a constant influx of new practitioners.           I was one of three leaders who helped guide things along. I was about to turn twenty-five years old and had been practicing meditation for almost two years, so I was considered to be one of the senior members of the community, which should tell you a lot about a lot of things. Anyway, something a little quirky happened to me around then that unexpectedly left quite a deep impression on me. I was serving as a counselor to new meditators, helping them get acclimated to the practice. I had about ten people that I was meeting with individually on a regular basis. One of them was a young college professor who seemed to be in his late twenties. His name was Leo and he was extremely intelligent in a rather witty, but somewhat shy kind of way. There was also a young lady who claimed she was over twenty-one, but everybody thought that was a bit of a stretch. Her name was Peggy and she worked in a nearby doughnut shop. She later confided in me that she had never done well in school and felt lucky that she even graduated high school.           One day, during my meeting with the college professor, I couldn't help but notice that he seemed completely blissed out of his mind. I knew that the meditation we were practicing had the power to elevate your awareness and help you feel inner peace but out of nowhere, this guy was completely off the charts. Finally, he told me that he had fallen deeply in love and was basically over the moon from it. Now I had been around the block a few times myself and was now living the life of a monastic, so I had my reservations about it, but I kept them to myself. Whatever he was into certainly seemed to be making him incredibly happy, so who was I to say anything about it?             A couple of days later, I had my meeting with Peggy from the doughnut shop, and it was immediately obvious that something wonderful was happening to her as well. After a little while, she blurted out that she had fallen in love and had never been so happy, which certainly explained the bright smile that lit up her face and the light that kept pouring out of her eyes. She was a nice kid and I felt good for her.           For some reason, I just didn't put two and two together, but a few days later, to my complete surprise, I found out that Peggy and Leo were going together. The college professor and the girl from the doughnut shop had fallen in love. Apparently, they had met at a meditation meeting and sparks started flying immediately.  After a couple of quick coffees, the magnetic attraction had taken hold and now they were in the midst of the great love affair of their lives.           And naturally, they both started confiding in me. Leo said, "She tells me that I'm sexier than any of the younger guys in her crowd. And she says that making love with me is the best sex she's ever had in her life. She can't believe how great it is," he stopped for a moment, then sounding like he was describing a magnificent dreamscape, he added, "I never knew life could be like this."           A couple of days later, I sat down with Peggy. "He tells me that not only am I the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, I'm actually smarter than any of the students he teaches," she gushed. She literally looked like she was about to bust a gut from glee. "He gives me books to read, we discuss them and he loves my comments. Can you imagine that? I'm sitting there talking to a real college professor who thinks I'm smart. I can't believe it. And my God, what great sex we're having. I have to tell you; I feel like the heavens have opened up for me."           Well, I was impressed to say the least. I hadn't seen two people this happy in years. Sure, the age difference was pretty big, not to mention the gap in their intellectual backgrounds. But hey, crazier things have happened and who knows, maybe love does conquer all.           Well, it went on like that for about a month and then I'll bet you can guess what came along next. One day Peggy came in to see me. She looked like she was in the middle of a deep sense of disappointment mixed with a much deeper sense of relief.           "I finally had to get away from Leo," she told me. "I couldn't take it anymore. The guy's just a stick in the mud. He never wanted to do anything but stay home, and when I could get him to go out, he was a total drag." She stopped and took a breath.  "All of my friends thought he was a real creep, too. He was obviously way too old for me. I mean, after a while, I felt like I was going out with a friend of my dad's. What the hell was I thinking? Thank God it's over."           We both had an "isn't life strange?" kind of laugh about it and I prepared myself for my next meeting with Leo, which took place a few days later. I was hoping that she hadn't broken his heart, but as soon as I saw him, it was obvious that he was every bit as happy to be done with Peggy as she was to be done with him. Probably more so.           "You know what," he said. "At first, I thought it was just the circumstances that she had grown up under, but after a little while, I had to accept the fact that she just didn't have it upstairs. And let me tell you something, that's really a nice way of putting it. Believe me, I'm being kind." He looked like someone who had just made a narrow escape from a torture chamber. "You know what?" he continued. "There's a reason people end up working in a donut shop. The girl has the IQ of a salamander."            I certainly felt relieved for him that he hadn't had his heart broken, and I was happy that they were both walking away from it unscathed. Of course, it wasn't totally unexpected because it had been so incongruous from the very beginning. But still, it gave me a lot to chew on. For one thing, they had both seemed so extraordinarily happy that I could have sworn it was based on something real.           But after I gave it a little more thought, it was obvious that it had just been an extremely powerful infatuation.  They fallen into the romance trance, where you temporarily lose sight of your new partner's shortcomings. You're on such a high from what's going on that just don't notice anything negative. But sooner or later, you open your eyes and come back to reality.           The explanation made perfect sense, but I felt intuitively that there was more to it than just that. The ecstatic joy they were experiencing was just too powerful to be limited to that bubble of infatuation, and then it became clear. They each had a deep-seated psychological issue and they were providing each other with some much-longed for and much needed relief.           Leo was in his late twenties, and suddenly this pretty, young woman who was twenty-one if you were willing to stretch the truth, was attracted to him. It soothed his fears that he was getting old and gave him proof that even though he was about to break the scary age barrier of turning thirty, he still had the goods. In short, it brought back his confidence and made him feel young.           And Peggy was also an open book. She had been told she was stupid her whole life and besides being the object of a lot of sexual attraction, nobody ever took her seriously on any other level. Now she was suddenly on par with an actual college professor. They were reading books together and having deep talks. And he was telling her that she was much smarter than the students in any of his classes.  And suddenly, a bright light went on in her head and she thought, "Hey, you know what? Maybe I'm not so dumb after all."   It was a deep point for me to contemplate. The relief of having your psychological problems resolved, although it may be a deeply pleasurable experience, is not the same thing as experiencing true happiness. Getting relief from being unhappy is not the same thing as actually being happy. It may seem subtle, but saints and sages throughout the ages have told us that they're very different. To make real progress, your awareness has to grow and you have to elevate your consciousness, because if you don't evolve into a more enlightened being, although you're going to be greatly relieved when your big problem is resolved, you're just going to create another one that's going to put you right back into the same trap. So that's a look back at a couple of interesting things that I found myself involved with just about fifty years ago. And one thing I can tell you from my perspective, although the times change, the scenes change and the characters come and go, the lessons remain the same. And I'm still trying to learn them. My deepest hope at this point in time, after all this study and all this practice, is that I just may be starting to scratch the surface. But on an infinite path that's loaded with happiness, peace, love, joy and fulfillment - what difference does any of that make?  Well, this seems like a good place to end this episode. As always, keep your eyes mind and hearts open, and let's get together in the next one.