Episode 1: Aren't We Just Like Any Other Family?

Welcome to the HMKDYH podcast, where we explore the dynamics of the modern blended family. Join me, as we unpack all the hard shit that goes into creating a blended family. Hello and Welcome! In today’s episode we are exploring the concepts from chapter two of my book, How Many Kids Do You Have, coming out in April. Today we are asking the question: Aren’t we just like any other family? This is the myth that causes more angst and heartache than any other myth about blending families. Let me start by being clear. No. We are not like any other family. We definitely deal with all the hard shit that every other family deals with, only we do it with the added pressures of a second marriage or partnership. We do it with the added stresses of ex-spouses, unresolved resentments, financial ruin, children being shuffled back and forth between two homes, or children that do not get shuffled back and forth between homes because they were already abandon by a biological parent. Suffice to say, we are not like every other family. In a new blend its easy to believe that if we just treat these new step babies like our own children then everything will work itself out. I personally fell hard into this trap. The belief that you should just treat your step kids just like you would your own kids. The believe that this amazing, beautiful love you have just found, will be enough to see your new family through every problem you face. It won’t. It can’t. Blending families hold the power to create some amazing future adults, but they also hold the power to really screw people up emotionally for the rest of their lives. Our world is still discounting the impact blended families are having in our culture. The modern blended family is literally raising the adults that will run our future. It is said that while 50% of first marriages end in divorce, 75% of second marriages do. Quite frankly, the odds are not in our favor. Marriage is hard in and of itself. Compound the problems with kids, ex’s, heartache, resentments and insecurities, and creating the marriage you want becomes infinitely more difficult.