Episode 2

An episode of the Instant Jokes podcast, hosted by Mark Donovan, titled "Episode 2" was published on April 3, 2021 and runs 4 minutes.

April 3, 2021 ·4m · Instant Jokes

Summary

Welcome to the Instant Jokes podcast episode 2, where we tell the best jokes on the Internet. The drunk and the baptism A drunk is walking home one afternoon from the bar when he sees a pastor having an baptism down the river bank. The pastor looks up and sees him. Calling out he says "Look! A lost member of our flock. Come down here son and be born again! Renounce your sins and be saved." The drink squnts in the glare of the sun and, shrugging his shoulders noncomittally, shambles down the bank. The pastor takes the drunkards arm and head and dunks him under the cool river water. Bringing him up he shouts so the congregation can hear "Have you found Jesus my son?" The drunk looks wide eyed at the pastor and says "No!" But before he can protest he's thrust under the water a second time, for three long seconds before being lifted again. "Have you found Jesus now?" He calls, projecting his voice farther. The drunk splutters water out of his mouth "No, no I haven't". A third time he's pushed under, for even longer, and when he's finally brought up he caughs and spits and thrashes. "Have you found him? Have your found the lord?" The pastor's voice rings clearly in exaltation. "No, no Father!" The drunk cries while still coughing more water out. "Are you sure this is where he fell in?". Do you know the difference between a fart and a pun? A pun is a shift of wit.. What do you call a man with a spade in his head? An ambulance. A man walks into a bar on a Wednesday afternoon... The bar is empty and the bartender is busy in the back washing glasses, so the man calls out, "Hey bartender, could I get a beer please?" The bartender pours him a beer from the tap and sets a bowl of nuts in front of him, then returns to the back to continue cleaning. The Man is sitting there drinking his beer and eating the nuts when he hears, "Nice hat!" He looks about, confused, and then returns to his beer and nuts. A minute later he hears, "Nice shirt!" Again he scans the bar, certain of what he heard, but unsure of where it came from. One minute later he hears, "Nice boots!" And this time he realizes that the sound is coming from the bowl of nuts. He calls the bartender over and asks, "Hey bartender. What kind of nuts are you serving here?" And the bartender responds, "Oh, those are complimentary nuts.". What do you call someone who takes everything literally? A kleptomaniac!. If A Democrat Wins, I'm Leaving, If a Republican wins, I'm also leaving. This has nothing to do with politics. I just really want to travel.. What is the difference between a hormone and a enzyme ? You can't hear an enzyme.. My friend was in a terrible accident, and now has to breathe through a straw ...you could say he sucks at life.. why did Bob quit working at the toilet paper factory? Because he was tired of working with assholes all day. So my friend and I were playing chess. I said "why don't we make this interesting" so we stopped playing. Credit - I can't remember which comedian I stole this off but i am sure reddit will know. Thanks for listening! Come back tomorrow for more hilarious jokes!

Episode Description